30 years old and still alone

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Face of Boo and Peacesells, please go somewhere else with whatever you are both talking about.

AngelRho and Closet Genious:


You two treat me terribly and you wonder why I don't take advice from either of you.

To kraftiekortie, Sweetleaf, BeaArthur, and hurtloam, thank you for actually having maturity and integrity.

My mother actually thinks my living with her doesn't affect my chances of having a girlfriend. This is partly why she sabotages my efforts in moving out.

I hate how I am 30 but can't even get a simple coffee date. Every day I get up, my first thoughts are "I still don't have a girlfriend." and I go into work seeing couples coming in. Whenever I leave, I still see couples everywhere. It's a constant reminder of my singlehood and I feel like I am doomed to be single until my death.

Last edited by Marknis on 14 Aug 2018, 8:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I concur. You can't get a girl-friend because you «let» your mother trample all over your efforts to move out. You need to literally pack up and move out. I don't care if you have to start living in your car (hopefully you at least have a car). Also, YOU are the biggest obstacle in preventing you from getting a girl-friend, because you just ASSUME that the girls either won't want you or will automatically/eventually leave you. Amirite? (Yes I am, and don't bother to answer that, for I am not trying to embarass you with such rhetorical questions)

Furthermore, not everybody requires being in a relationship, and the idea that there's someone for everyone is nothing more than propaganda in order to «sell» you stuff during those «corporate» so-called holidays (PAGAN-originated festivals that the general brain-washed populations believe are Christian).

With that said, I must ask, WHY the HELL would you want to get a girl-friend in THIS day and age ? Or perhaps, rather, why do you think that you NEED a girlfriend ? You're a virgin who feels depressed about being a virgin solely on the basis of being a virgin ? If you need some sort of «sexual» experience you can just buy yourself a quality life-sized sex-doll (don't get that cheap blow-up crap; you want the the ones made of silicone or TPE with some kind of PVC/steel-structure for the skeletal-framework). If it's about having someone around to talk to, meet Pepper the Robot, or even install one of those «virtual girlfriend» apps onto your smart-phone, and have yourself a VRGF.

Unfortunately, I cannot really tell you what you need to do to be able to get yourself a girl-friend, but I DO know for a FACT that how «confidently» you FEEL about yourself is a CRITICAL FACTOR; get help from a hypno-therapist if nothing else, and get your «root» problems solved first and foremost, that being your self-confidence.

Anyway, hmm, not a bad idea if I do say so myself (referring to sex-dolls), I think I shall go shopping now for my own doll...

Actually I gave you advice as requested, but for some reason you didn't seem to consider it.

I am just really exasperated with how immature and juvenile AngelRho and Closet Genious were behaving, especially when both mock me and act superior to me.

Sometimes I get told I look attractive and should have no problem attracting women but the fact I never get approached confuses me.

I don't know your looks, so not sure if you are and I am not an expert. Have you ever posted a pic in this forum?

And where do you usually approach girls? You should know that girls tend to approach guys less than the reverse, so I am not sure why you are expecting it.

So much for you being undateable. Boo's broken heart will fix itself pretty quickly when he realizes this is perfect for his on-going statistics project.

my birthday this year i spent around some annoying kids because my mom told them it was my birthday and they decided to make me a party. i was making 25 years old and the only people in my supposed birthday party were 10 years old. it was worst than be alone, it was humiliating.

anyway, i think a lot of people spend their 30s without a romantic partner. it's more common than it seems, but it's still bad to not have a partner so i'm sorry for you. i hope you will find someone. and

People have always paired up regardless of the day and age. If they didn't, how else could humanity have survived?

I am not a virgin and the root of why not having a relationship depresses me is because of the fear if my time has run out or not. I also hate how the hyper agressive and abusive jerks in my area have no trouble getting girlfriends while I can't even get a f*****g coffee date. Whenever I am told to work on myself, why is it that the abusive jerks never have to? It's like I am being told I am "messed up" when I wonder why I don't have a girlfriend and others tell me to stop looking.

Sorry Markins I need to answer this.

I'm persuing someone. He hasn't said he likes me. He hasn't asked me out officially. We've been seeing each other in a group. I don't think this counts as dating. We are friends only so far. But I'm not upping to go meet someone in another country when I have this potential thing here. Even though as I type this i realise it sounds kinda pathetic

Its because they are just out there and available. We think too much about everything and they dont give a crap about being appealing because they dont need to, hooking up on that level is easy. After reading your comments I think you definitely need to move out and have your own space. Its essential to your well being and I honestly dont know how any aspie can function that well in another persons home. Im sure your Mum means well and is maybe overprotective rather than sabotaging your efforts, but if its making your life miserable then change it. I left home at 16 and never looked back its been tough at times but I couldnt have that in my way. That will be the catalyst for finding the future you want, independance.

I think I had a similar rant somewhere else recently. I feel like I'm always the one in the wrong and so many people don't have to change anything about them and they slide into relationships easily. It irritates me. I get it.

Hey Marknis, I can definitely feel your pain. I've been in relationships, but I'm 35 and often it feels like the clock is ticking on finding a decent life partner (not that this is necessarily true, just how it feels). On the other hand, I've too often given people in general more credibility than they deserve. It's easy to assume lots of other people are happy, but I don't think they are. I don't think NTs all magically know what they're doing, either. To me, they're kind of like children. They just "get" each other easily by being so similar, so it's easy for me to feel like the inept one, but that's too black and white a view. I'm not sure many are happy or know what they're living for. So I try to keep my values in mind instead of feeling ashamed because I'm not like them, and that helps a bit. There are also many abusive people out there. At this point, my relationship experienced has almost turned me off entirely to love/sex/relationships. Everyone says they value honesty, but many do not like communicating directly, being vulnerable, or working together. I think a great many people also lash out at being loved and fear it, even if they want you in a relationship with them. So while being single can feel awful, and there are people out there who are great for you, the world isn't necessarily full of great people. Be patient since it's better to be alone than to feel alone with someone else. The wrong choice can mess up your life.

I agree with those who said moving out might help, especially if your mom is stopping you. Also, does being around NT people at work affect you at all? For me it's hard being around "normal" people all day, since I can't really read many of their signals. I like solitude, but being the odd one out and always having to blend in definitely messes with your self-esteem, and that can lead to bad/rash relationship decisions. Just something to think about. It can make you feel ugly to have this "unspoken" standard constantly present.

Sorry for all the text. I hope you find what you want.

I can relate to peoples posts. I'm a female and i'm not looking forward to reaching 30 and my initial feelings are the same too, in regards to never finding the right man to spend my life with and sometimes i yearn for that romantic, loving relationship and companion ship.

It's likely that they have already worked on themselves -- they have already put into practice the things that a man has to do to attract a woman. It's likely that the are already employed, earning an income, and living on their own. It's also likely that they have already developed a measure of confidence that comes from acknowledging their self-worth.

I mean, it's not like they magically become attractive the moment they see a pretty girl; it's more like they've been working on their attractiveness since they first realized that girls don't have 'cooties'.

It also helps to do the right things and keep doing them, not just half-heartedly trying something a few times and then giving up because the results weren't immediate -- persistence is the key.

And just because you don't see the 'jerks' doing anything to improve their chances doesn't mean that they're not doing it.

Indeed. 100% agree.

You might also consider that, in simplest terms, being a jerk to girls often yields an emotional response that can be felt as sexual tension. PUA tactics are effective because of that. You just have to understand that there is a fine line between frustrating a girl until she gives in and sleeps with you and being a creep.

I just can’t pull off the whole bad-boy persona. Girls have called me “dangerous” before, but I’m really just a big teddy bear. I’ve tried that whole thing before and it was just awkward. But “being myself” never worked either. What did work the best was looking in from the outside and saying, “who do I want to be? What do I want people to see?” And then I just focused on making the outside reflect the inside.

Now I’m most concerned with building relationships on a larger scale, which I should have done a long time ago. It’s exactly the same thing, “courting people” on the same principle as romantic relationships. And I’m always checking to see whether my intentions are reflected by appearance and action. To me, that’s the simplest and easiest, no-fakery approach to any relationship. When you “work on yourself,” keep this in mind and it will work out.

Well, oddly my future wife worked with my mother, who arranged for us to meet. We are very different, she is NT and I won't say it isn't very difficult sometimes, but we are in our 16th year and have two sons, so it does work. The change of job came because of the threat of redundancy, which shook me out of my Aspie routine. Fear concentrates the mind wonderfully and, by thirty years old, I was so lonely. that I told myself that anything, even bungling a first date, would be better. It is better. Much better. The choice essentially is: try and potentially fail or go on on your own. I couldn't bare to go on as I was.