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Fnord
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02 Oct 2018, 8:44 am

whatever4ever wrote:
What is mind-to-mind? We spend a lot of time on the phone actually. We call each other a fair amount. As for who does the talking... well we know who that is
It's called "Telepathy" and it's pure fantasy. There is no such thing as direct mind-to-mind communication, whether of thoughts or feelings. Nothing enters the mind except through the senses.


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nick007
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02 Oct 2018, 9:43 am

whatever4ever wrote:
Benjamin the Donkey wrote:
Luhluhluh wrote:
Benjamin the Donkey wrote:
whatever4ever wrote:
I communicate with people easily... but if I'm talking and he's just listening, I get the feeling that I'm talking to the wall or something. He acknowledges that he's listening but if I get frustrated that he's not saying anything he will say "Well, what do you want me to say?"
That seems to make me even more frustrated. Like. I'm not insensitive. I just want to know /why/ it's hard for him to talk. Why is talking so painful?


It's not painful, just unnecessary--unless you force him. Why should he talk if he has nothing to add? I thought women are supposed to appreciate a good listener.


It's likely she's seeking either reassurance or acknowledgement from her partner. These are verbal acknowledgements that he is listening. Things like saying "oh that sounds awful," or "that must make you feel frustrated," or something along those lines. Rather than just sitting there silent.

Listening is one thing; being an active listener is entirely another. Active listening is engaging with the speaker and confirming you've heard what they've said and respond accordingly.


But she did say he acknowledges that he's listening. It seems to me that she's asking for more.


You're correct. He does let me know he's listening by saying things like "Oh yeah?" or "Mmmhmm". You're also right in saying that I'm asking for a bit more. As in "Oh, yeah? How did that make you feel." or "Mmmhmm, I bet that was rough. I'm sorry you had to go through that." Guess I'm lookin for little add-ons?
This more your looking for is something Aspies tend to have problems with & you should learn not to expect it or consider ending things if you cant accept that.


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Benjamin the Donkey
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02 Oct 2018, 3:10 pm

whatever4ever wrote:
Benjamin the Donkey wrote:
Luhluhluh wrote:
Benjamin the Donkey wrote:
whatever4ever wrote:
I communicate with people easily... but if I'm talking and he's just listening, I get the feeling that I'm talking to the wall or something. He acknowledges that he's listening but if I get frustrated that he's not saying anything he will say "Well, what do you want me to say?"
That seems to make me even more frustrated. Like. I'm not insensitive. I just want to know /why/ it's hard for him to talk. Why is talking so painful?


It's not painful, just unnecessary--unless you force him. Why should he talk if he has nothing to add? I thought women are supposed to appreciate a good listener.


It's likely she's seeking either reassurance or acknowledgement from her partner. These are verbal acknowledgements that he is listening. Things like saying "oh that sounds awful," or "that must make you feel frustrated," or something along those lines. Rather than just sitting there silent.

Listening is one thing; being an active listener is entirely another. Active listening is engaging with the speaker and confirming you've heard what they've said and respond accordingly.


But she did say he acknowledges that he's listening. It seems to me that she's asking for more.


You're correct. He does let me know he's listening by saying things like "Oh yeah?" or "Mmmhmm". You're also right in saying that I'm asking for a bit more. As in "Oh, yeah? How did that make you feel." or "Mmmhmm, I bet that was rough. I'm sorry you had to go through that." Guess I'm lookin for little add-ons?


I realize that this seems important to you, but if he's loyal, treats you well, and supports you in his actions, then on balance a few words here and there aren't so important. Remember, there are millions of sweet-talking jerks out there. You could do a lot worse.


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Scorpius14
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03 Oct 2018, 3:16 pm

Probably not the response you were expecting but i personally find myself in a position where a moderately attractive girl/woman who looks my age, stands close to me or in a relatively close proximity compared to most others at work seems to be interested somewhat in my work: to put this into perspective, i'm a lowly minimum wage worker and she looks to be a manager of some sorts working in some other department, and I consider myself to be in the top 10% of workers who put in the most effort out of possibly 100 workers in my workspace. I'd say i'm average looking, but contrary to what people usually want in this situation, I want nothing to do with anyone at this point despite having had limerent feelings toward someone else entirely, feelings that have not yet gone away, which keep on giving me dreams and fantasies which although do not affect work capacity. When you get that 'love at first sight' feeling, your senses get sort of dulled and focusing on one person makes it harder to keep an open mind about meeting other people.