A girlfriend is not a lost puppy.

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No ... you are failing to help yourselves.

From my perspective, it seems that all of those “I can’t get a girlfriend” threads hint at one underlying wish: That “The World” would just hand the writer his own, personal sex slave girlfriend and walk away.

But that’s not how it’s going to happen.

To attract someone, you must first be attractive in every way possible, and if you don’t want to make the effort, then it’s just too damned bad for you.

That’s life.

... a path that runs downhill all the way...

Probably smart to realise, that a few days at work and you're already falling for someone and you don't even know their name, age or if they're with someone else, that you probably have to spend like a year or so there until you become more than acquaintances or friends. Though other obstacles stand in the way such as language barriers, personal hygiene, current political climate affecting their visa etc.

Mhmm. A lot of this on these forums. People see the results and have no idea how much hard work went into them.

I get accused of bragging for posting about fun/social things I do now. Little do these people know just had rough my life was 6 years ago nor how hard I’ve worked at everything in order to be where I’m at now.

Thread has devolved into pointless shadenfreude at the expense of everyone who's not as cool/rich as Fnord. I'm over it.

Excuse me but we're sick of being humbled by these unwritten standards day in, day out. Stop beating dead horses & level with others. Either respect your fellow guys or just keep lowering us. Everyone I know who you're referring to works. So do I.

We should spend more time in https://wrongplanet.net/forums/viewtopic.php?t=262032.

Fnord is older and more successful (by many common metrics) than I am. So what? Just means he's been working hard & smart for longer and thus achieved more for himself. Somehow I doubt someone just handed him an Iron Ring and a career. I bet he had to earn both, as well as his money, material possessions, his wife and so on.

Why get bitter that someone like Fnord share's what's possible to accomplish & advice on how to do it, or something like it?

IMO, those who haven't achieved as high a level of success should try to glean as much knowledge & habits from those who have in order to elevate themselves up to higher levels vs. get bitter about it. Your reaction is the reason that many wealthy successful people do not talk about their wealth or how they obtained it because it doesn't lead to anything positive when someone's reaction is one of envy. I've had more successful people than me tell me this, and also tell me that once they got to know me a little and realized that I am not jealous of their success and enjoy talking about it because of the things I learn from it that they're ever more comfortable discussing business and money with me. They also appreciate the fact that I can teach them things, too.

Shift your perspective and learn from everyone you can, including Fnord (who I bet is still learning things), and you'll have a much better time of life - and likely be more successful in achieving your own goals, whatever they may be.

In disrespecting his juniors Fnord refuses to learn from us. Some of us are even fellow engineers.

I studied for years to choose my profession and it's not going to pay rent here any time soon. I'd also be an idiot to think it's going to get me anywhere socially, that's up to me.

How has Fnord refused to learn from you or others here?

So you have different goals than making money. Doesn't mean you don't have goals. Accomplishing things is pretty universally transferable stuff. USUALLY success comes with a financial payoff in our society, but it doesn't have to. I see no reason to discount Fnord's advice as valueless, even if your goals aren't the same as his.

It's about the journey, not the destination. Learn from the process, not Fnord's metrics of success.

In a sense you're implying we're the lost puppies.

Only in the sense that you/we are students requiring guidance in order to graduate to the next level.

And don't think that just because I work a job and do some things in life and have a bit of money and a car blah blah that I consider myself not one of you. I'm no master of anything. I've learned and done some things I can teach others, but I'm still constantly learning all the time. And you know who I prefer to learn from? People who are far better than me at whatever it is they have to teach & I have to learn. I learn from all kinds of people in all kinds of situations in life. From skilled tradesmen at work, from instructors/coaches I pay to teach me things, from elders, from children, from friends/acquaintances etc.

Don't alienate yourself from successful people out of hate or envy. Surround yourself by successful people and learn from them.

Exactly. Another engineer here.

Also, love is not about success. It's about finding somebody suitable and compatible you can get along with long-term. Advice aimed at getting a date or sex will never be relevant for long-term relationships.

Maybe it did, but you don't have the same goals as a majority of the single guys here have. Most of them want a long-term girlfriend, and I don't think you can contribute much (if anything) in that area given your own goals.



No, that doesn't count as success for people that want a relationship. It doesn't count as anything at all.

Yes. the one time I posted about problems finding a partner, it was (nicely) suggested I loose weight and wash more often

THANK YOU!! !

No one is a lost puppy to be found, if we're lost we can only find the right way ourselves because we're humans not puppies. I've dated too many men who has been lost puppies expecting me to magically make them happy in their miserable lives just by being their girlfriend as if a relationship magically improves your inner wellbeing (lol). Also met men who's seemed to think they can "save" me well that's not how life works. A relationship is for sharing not taking care of someone who's in a low, if that's the case you could go out and start dating a bum on the street - there's a lost puppy for ya... It's about fixing your problems while you're single and then when in a better place meet someone and contribiute to their life with your own. A relationship is so much work as it is. You should be able to share your problems with a partner and talk about things and be there for each other sure but you shouldn't get a partner for the sole purpose of you expecting them to magically fix your mental health, that's the most selfish thing you could ever do and people who do this have no idea how much psychological strain that puts on their partner and that love doesn't automatically fix anything - that's only in fiction.

What makes you think anyone here who doesn't get along with you is hateful because of envy? Maybe some of us just don't like your condescending and self-congratulating attitude. You're not as bad as Fnord at least.

If you genuinely wanted to help people, you wouldn't resort to passive-aggressive echo chambers with each other if somebody isn't buying your advice. Seems to me you just want to show off and ridicule anyone who doesn't immediately follow in your footsteps.

It might interest people here to know that I work full-time and can easily afford to move out of home. Want to know why I don't? Because my parents are incapable of taking care of themselves and the family financially, so I have to support them all. I can't keep a roof over both their heads and mine separately, so I have to stay with the family. And I find that hard to believe it would make me so unattractive at the age of 22 still being at home under those circumstances, especially considering where I live most people my age still are living at home.

So maybe I'm not perfect, but I don't think I'm an awful person. I certainly don't think I deserve to be caught up in your passive-aggressive attacks on lonely WP members, and I think it's quite fair for me to dislike you, Fnord, and some others with that phony "helpful" attitude. I'll believe you actually want to help people when you guys stop spitting at people who feel miserable and hopeless.

I think you should view the concept "of a lost puppy to be found" as a romantic concept related to finding true love or a soulmate. While you might not like or enjoy that kind of thing, there are people that do.



Actually, it does, if you are compatible.



Agreed. You cannot view a partner as somebody that needs to be saved.



If you don't support each other when you are low and sad then it is not a relationship at all. That is one of the basics of a worthwhile relationship.



You don't have to get into a relationship with people that have problems you think they should have fixed beforehand.



A relationship should not be anything even remotely similar to work.



Of course not. Relationships are not meant to fix mental health, but it is still good for people to be in relationships and if you are lonely a relationship will "fix" that.