Lady at work keeps interrogating me 0.o

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Even if she's in a relationship, why not just roll with her friendly nature?

You may never see her outside of work, but at least you can have a female work friend for normal small talk chit chat. Some socializing is better than none & the practice will make you better at communicating with coworkers and women. Also, others at work might take notice that she talks to you & you respond and the might be more apt to talk to you themselves.

Even if she's married, there's still value in reciprocating her friendliness.

Other women at your work have got the message that their attention freaks you out, so they've stopped talking to you.
She'll do the same in a while, if you don't respond positively.
I think she either likes you or is just a naturally caring sort. Neither of these are things to worry about, in my view, and I'm not quite sure what the problem is.
If you can work out and explain a bit more what you are actually worried about, we might get closer to the heart of your issues with making women friends.

Sly279 - That is quite a bit different than you lead in story.


Also I do not think I would call it interrogation but rather conversation.

It’s exactly as I said
She asked about my dinner then shared what she was having.




People don’t usually ask about each part of someone’s dinner as conversation. I said I was having chicken and potatoes don’t see why that needed more explaining.

Women never talk to me so one suddenly doing it with lots of questions felt like interrogation to me.

If message you mean them ignoring me to my face when I tried to say hi and ask how they’re doing or giving me nasty looks
Then sure but that’s not message I sent. I tried to be nice to everyone and say hi and ask how they are per required for work despite I’m super shy around women
I did respond positively, I’m quite nice to everyone, those who bother to get to know me say I’m sweet and caring person.

I’ve been treated badly by women since 2nd grade.

I’m worried I’ll think women like me and get all hopeful only to find out they don’t and be all hurt and embarrassed.

I don’t want female friends in person, it can’t work out. I’m a guy they’re women. What would we do? And they find me a creep for getting turned on by them. It’s that simple.

Last edited by sly279 on 09 Sep 2018, 2:01 am, edited 1 time in total.

Yes, it's just conversation.

Sly, it would help you to develop some conversation skills, I think. There are ways to deflect questions that seem too personal without seeming rude, for instance by not immediately giving a direct answer. For instance, if someone says "what are you having for dinner?" and that makes you uncomfortable, you could say something like "I haven't thought about it yet", or "I'll just cook whatever I've got in", or something like that.

And if you are not sure why they are asking, you can be direct with them: "why do you ask?", or even, "Forgive me for being dense, but I'm not sure if you're just making conversation or asking me to dinner." You might be able to learn some set phrases you can use in situations you're struggling to understand.

Also, most people wouldn't find these type of questions intrusive, because they are quite innocuous. Are you concerned that by answering you are revealing too much about yourself? Is it embarrassment about your autism or your home situation? Sorry, I'm probably being intrusive now as well. I'm just trying to help.

Because it sounds like you need to hold your head up as a person with all the same rights to privacy and happiness as anyone else. Everybody in this world has their own issues, whether it is physical or mental health or unfortunate circumstances, and you have no reason to be embarrassed about yours. Just answer with confidence. Some people may misunderstand you or think your responses strange, but demonstrating the confidence to interact is the only way to connect with people, really.

Apologies if I'm being forward with this advice, I like you and I'm just trying to help.

What would you do? Well you'd have someone to talk to in your break.

Women can be friends of men. Please re-examine your attitude. It's coming over like you think women are only sexual objects and I know you don't want to come across that way.

You need to make some female friends in real life so that you can learn that women are people with whom you can be friends, not just potential partners. It will enrich your life. Help you make conversation. Help you be less nervous around women.

I can see where Sly is coming from, because I tend to have a bit of an issue as well, in that when a man seems interested enough in me to talk to me, I can take it the wrong way and fall for him in a romantic way, when really he was only trying to be friendly. It can then develop into this excruciating situation of me having all these fantasies about a future relationship with this person, which was never actually on the cards.

So I don't think it's a case of seeing women/men as sexual objects, it's just an autistic thing of not being able to tell the difference between polite friendship and deep friendship. ASD sucks like that, sometimes.

But I agree, there would be no harm in making friends with the woman, and if Sly knows there is no romantic intent, that might even take some of the pressure off, and avoid the above situation? Why not?

If you need to pretend you’re not sexually attracted to them in order not to come across that way (and I don’t even know what that means, since the term sexual object is thrown around so casually it seems meaningless), there’s no way that kind of friendship can ever work.

According to people who actually have friends, a friend is, among other things, someone you can be honest with and who is honest with you. Having to walk on eggshells around each other is not a good sign. Therefore, if I were to have a female friend, unless she were physically hideous or something like that, there’d have to be a mutual understanding from the get-go along these lines: “Every single second I spend with you, or thinking about you when you’re not around, I spend wishing to hug you, feel the softness of your skin against mine, kiss you slowly head to toe, stimulate you in a number of ways you’d have to teach me, have sex with you, rinse and repeat. Even doing only part of that would be better than nothing to me. The only reason I don’t try to do it is because you don’t want to do that with me. We both know it and it’s no reason to freak out. We’ll only do anything physical if you decide to initiate it, since I’m basically sure to be eager to engage in it. This doesn’t mean I don’t want to do anything else with you; we can do everything regular friends do, but, in addition, I’m sexually attracted to you”.

Unfortunately, this kind of agreement, which looks trivial to me, seems to be extremely hard to establish in practice.

Ugh that's creepy.

I think most guys just get over it.

You can control what you think about and choose not to fantasize.

I can also—sort of—control whom I spend time with and whom I don’t and choose to steer clear of people so determined to dictate my thoughts. I respect your body; please respect my mind. It seems I’d have to walk on eggshells around you after all. What’s the point in being friends with someone like that?

^And that’s why even amongst NT’s there’s an ever raging debate about whether or not guys and girls can jut be friends. Almost always the guy is into the girl and she’s not into him.

IMO if you disclosed that attraction like that it’d come across as a creepy threat and the girl would not feel comfortable around you. It’d be far better to say “l’m attracted to you & I accept that you’re not attracted to me. This is why we can’t be friends.”

Yeah. I think that's more how it would be phrased. The way Spiderpig worded it seemed very intense. Though, if he were in a relationship I think he'd probably write some awesome poetry.

I know my boss is attracted to me, so that's why I flaked out at Spiderpig's post. Sorry Spiderpig. I just don't wanna think about it.

I got friendzoned recently, so it always seems to me to guy isn't into me. This is someone I had a strong desire to hug, but after that conversation... which came out of the blue, I might add... I really felt very cold towards him. I'm used to being pushed away tactfully or tge guy just starts going out with doneone else, but this was a directly worded push, when I hadn't even told him I liked him. I stopped feeling affectionate and we can still talk as friends.

There was one I really had to avoid, but I was younger and more intense back then. Now I'm kinda used to just being friends with men and dont expect more. I find it's got easier as I get older.

I’ve been friends with many women. I’ve been sexually attracted to some of them. This did not interfere with the friendship—because I knew where I stood with her.

I’ve “tried something” a few times with these friends, been rebuffed gently. We remained friends, though

It’s good for people to be friends with those of the opposite gender. You learn a lot that way.

I agree with spider pig
As soon as they feel or see I have an erection around them they say I’m a creep and maybe even call the cops on me so why would I put myself in that situation. Better to just to not have female friends.
I don’t even have male friends, I bond through activities to which the activities people do I can’t afford. The days of playing games together in same room are gone so there goes that bonding activity. No one wants to go for walks. One can’t cuddle and watch movies with a a friend which is why I want a gf as there’s lots of activities inside you can do with a romantic partner that friends can’t do or won’t do.

Also a romantic partner would probably be happy you get erections around them.