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Being a naturally shy, whimpy, awkward unmanly guy

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sly279
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08 Oct 2018, 3:12 am

hurtloam wrote:
I don't understand men. Why do you want to attract women that you're not compatible with? Is it just for sex? Do real connections mean nothing to you? Do you want someone that's always pulling you up for how you are and trying to change you just for sex? Is it really worth it?

0.o



The_Face_of_Boo
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08 Oct 2018, 3:13 am

hurtloam wrote:
I don't understand men. Why do you want to attract women that you're not compatible with? Is it just for sex? Do real connections mean nothing to you? Do you want someone that's always pulling you up for how you are and trying to change you just for sex? Is it really worth it?


Ask your dad.



hurtloam
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08 Oct 2018, 3:14 am

Sabreclaw wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Men don't want the quiet girls either.


If by "quiet" you mean "don't give the men any attention", then yeah, they're not going to want you. Men like attention.


No that's not what I mean. Boo is right. I'm often the one initiating texting. I'm the one organising to meet up. I'm very pro-active.

I'm actually not that quiet once you get to know me, but I'm not an NT kind of noisy. There's a difference between me and what NT women talk about.



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08 Oct 2018, 3:16 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
I don't understand men. Why do you want to attract women that you're not compatible with? Is it just for sex? Do real connections mean nothing to you? Do you want someone that's always pulling you up for how you are and trying to change you just for sex? Is it really worth it?


Ask your dad.


He married the craziest head case he could find and stayed with her, so he's not really helping my world view of men not really caring who they're with as long as she says yes.



The_Face_of_Boo
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08 Oct 2018, 3:22 am

hurtloam wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
I don't understand men. Why do you want to attract women that you're not compatible with? Is it just for sex? Do real connections mean nothing to you? Do you want someone that's always pulling you up for how you are and trying to change you just for sex? Is it really worth it?


Ask your dad.


He married the craziest head case he could find and stayed with her, so he's not really helping my world view of men not really caring who they're with as long as she says yes.


Average men who don't get much "yes" and female attention in their life may go for the only one who said Yes to them - because the alternative would be dying single. That's not necessarily for the sake of sex but for the sake not to be alone forever.

If you really want a man who picks you for deeper reasons, then the most guaranteed way is to go for a man who's insanely drop-dead gorgeous and charming, and women throw themselves at him, a man who has a LOT of dating options ....a such man, if he picks you, it means he sees something in you he doesn't see in other women. Of course, such men are very rare tho.



hurtloam
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08 Oct 2018, 3:27 am

I'm not special enough for that lol.

Even regular guys with fewer options dont think I'm good enough.



The_Face_of_Boo
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08 Oct 2018, 3:31 am

Just take me as example, if I insisted for the 'most compatible' and went for the local caucasian women only, then I would have remained single to this day most probably - even though they are probably more likely to be culturally and language-wise compatible with me than foreigners, and a more headache-free path to formal relationship btw (ie. no snarky comments from family members and other jerks).

The reason why I shifted to the foreigners, notably Asian women demographic is because I found many of them were willing to date me (unlike the locals); so I made a calculated shift.



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08 Oct 2018, 3:33 am

hurtloam wrote:
I'm not special enough for that lol.

Even regular guys with fewer options dont think I'm good enough.


You could always try dating Sly or Marknis. They have fewer options and probably think you're good enough.



The_Face_of_Boo
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08 Oct 2018, 3:34 am

Sabreclaw wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
I'm not special enough for that lol.

Even regular guys with fewer options dont think I'm good enough.


You could always try dating Sly or Marknis. They have fewer options and probably think you're good enough.


lol



sly279
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08 Oct 2018, 4:18 am

Sabreclaw wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
I'm not special enough for that lol.

Even regular guys with fewer options dont think I'm good enough.


You could always try dating Sly or Marknis. They have fewer options and probably think you're good enough.


I’m not good enough though. Not for any woman. Women would rather be single then be with a man like me execpt to sext. I feel used.



The_Face_of_Boo
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08 Oct 2018, 7:06 am

sly279 wrote:
Sabreclaw wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
I'm not special enough for that lol.

Even regular guys with fewer options dont think I'm good enough.


You could always try dating Sly or Marknis. They have fewer options and probably think you're good enough.


I’m not good enough though. Not for any woman. Women would rather be single then be with a man like me execpt to sext. I feel used.


Tip!
Always ask for a voice message before engaging any sexting with a woman, if she refuses or comes up with some lame excuse = she is a guy.



Citymale
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08 Oct 2018, 7:16 am

hurtloam wrote:
I don't understand men. Why do you want to attract women that you're not compatible with? Is it just for sex? Do real connections mean nothing to you? Do you want someone that's always pulling you up for how you are and trying to change you just for sex? Is it really worth it?


Good advice!
My mom is NTish and she never liked my dad and made it clear how much she despised him, they never even talked for pleasure in my house, she would shame and embarrass him in front of the kids on purpose. He is an Aspie and I don’t blame her for not being attracted to him. I wouldn’t be if I was a female. But I never had a good model of being with someone you are compatible with I guess and also I can’t really talk to people. So being compatible means I’d have to be able to talk with the person and not feel conflicted about every single aspect including sexual and cohabitation and socializing - which is impossible for me to imagine. So I have to figure out how to be with a woman I am not compatible with because another scenario does not exist in my head.

I also lost my sex drive for women due to bad health habits and so now also due to age it does not matter anymore sadly.



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08 Oct 2018, 7:44 am

Hm you sound exactly like me but male.

It's the same thing for me - men are interested due to my looks and because I come off as mysterious or playing hard to get but the longer we date the more they notice these qualities. At first they think my shyness and all that is cute... Then they get fed up with how wimpy I am and they start to take me for granted more and more and get annoyed with how I am. I don't blame them. To be honest I get annoyed with men who are like I am - no offence to you. I'm working on my confidence though and figuring out who I am. I'm thinking once i've truly found myself I will be comfortable and more confident and won't take any sh*t. I'll probably always be shy though but i've learned not to care. People have put me down for my shyness but i've also met lots of people who see no problem with it and who apprecietes that i'm a good listener instead. And there is nothing wrong with a man who is shy either. I'm sick of people saying you haaave to be extroverted and comfortable talking to other people, you don't. Everyone is different.

Lacking agression is fine too, why should you be agressive? But standing up for yourself is something you should do of course but that starts in confidence. If we're not confident we look down on ourselves (just like you clearly do based on your negative self description) and why would we not allow someone to walk all over us when we already walk all over ourselves everyday? You start by building confidence, then standing up for yourself comes naturally. And try to surrond yourself with people who have similar personalities to you, I have lately and it really helps.



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08 Oct 2018, 8:09 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
I don't understand men. Why do you want to attract women that you're not compatible with? Is it just for sex? Do real connections mean nothing to you? Do you want someone that's always pulling you up for how you are and trying to change you just for sex? Is it really worth it?


Ask your dad.


He married the craziest head case he could find and stayed with her, so he's not really helping my world view of men not really caring who they're with as long as she says yes.


Average men who don't get much "yes" and female attention in their life may go for the only one who said Yes to them - because the alternative would be dying single. That's not necessarily for the sake of sex but for the sake not to be alone forever.
That's what i did except I'm NOT average. I'm disabled & I'm borderline on the asexuality spectrum so I defiantly did not do it for sex. I was mostly just wanting someone who would give me half a chance & try to make a relationship work with me instead of it being completely one-sided. I was single & looking for 8 years before I got my 2dn realtionship & then I was single about half a year after she broke up with me.


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Citymale
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08 Oct 2018, 8:34 am

superaliengirl wrote:
Hm you sound exactly like me but male.

It's the same thing for me - men are interested due to my looks and because I come off as mysterious or playing hard to get but the longer we date the more they notice these qualities. At first they think my shyness and all that is cute... Then they get fed up with how wimpy I am and they start to take me for granted more and more and get annoyed with how I am. I don't blame them. To be honest I get annoyed with men who are like I am - no offence to you. I'm working on my confidence though and figuring out who I am. I'm thinking once i've truly found myself I will be comfortable and more confident and won't take any sh*t. I'll probably always be shy though but i've learned not to care. People have put me down for my shyness but i've also met lots of people who see no problem with it and who apprecietes that i'm a good listener instead. And there is nothing wrong with a man who is shy either. I'm sick of people saying you haaave to be extroverted and comfortable talking to other people, you don't. Everyone is different.

Lacking agression is fine too, why should you be agressive? But standing up for yourself is something you should do of course but that starts in confidence. If we're not confident we look down on ourselves (just like you clearly do based on your negative self description) and why would we not allow someone to walk all over us when we already walk all over ourselves everyday? You start by building confidence, then standing up for yourself comes naturally. And try to surrond yourself with people who have similar personalities to you, I have lately and it really helps.


I sometimes see shy people and wander, “how could anyone get close to them, it’s impossible due to some thing that they do, that only if they did not do it, they would have an oppprtuniry with people, but the way they are thinking or acting makes it impossible from the outside point of view.”

I would say 70% of me is unattractive inside. Like what you said about getting annoyed with people who are wimpy like you. You have to know what you want, before you can stand up and ask for it. You have to be able to do something, before you can grab someone by the hand figuratively and lead them to do it together. I guess we both lack experience and agressive biological drive



hurtloam
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08 Oct 2018, 10:05 am

Citymale wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
I don't understand men. Why do you want to attract women that you're not compatible with? Is it just for sex? Do real connections mean nothing to you? Do you want someone that's always pulling you up for how you are and trying to change you just for sex? Is it really worth it?


Good advice!
My mom is NTish and she never liked my dad and made it clear how much she despised him, they never even talked for pleasure in my house, she would shame and embarrass him in front of the kids on purpose. He is an Aspie and I don’t blame her for not being attracted to him. I wouldn’t be if I was a female. But I never had a good model of being with someone you are compatible with I guess and also I can’t really talk to people. So being compatible means I’d have to be able to talk with the person and not feel conflicted about every single aspect including sexual and cohabitation and socializing - which is impossible for me to imagine. So I have to figure out how to be with a woman I am not compatible with because another scenario does not exist in my head.

I also lost my sex drive for women due to bad health habits and so now also due to age it does not matter anymore sadly.


I grew up in the same situation and it has made me the opposite. I don't view my parents life as the only way things can be, I view it as the wrong way and to be avoided. I don't want to be alone, but I'd rather be alone than live with conflict in my home.