Things You’ve Learned About Dating Through Experience

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I confused “lust” with “love” but from the other angle. I thought that if a guy was interested in me sexually then he must be really into me romantically.

I didn’t fully comprehend the concept of “young hormones.” I was disappointed a couple of times because of this.

I used to confuse niceness with interest, and interest with love, never (at first) realizing that some of the nicest people are hell-bent on cheating you out of everything you have.

Now, if a complete stranger is suddenly nice to me, I immediately ask them what they want. Yeah, it comes off as rude and arrogant, and maybe I've ruin a potential friendship before it started, but I'll never let anyone put me in the gutter again.

I am still unsure if I have ever dated. I met people, hung out, they made their intentions known, I went for it or not or some compromised version of that. Is that dating.... I don’t think so? I am not sure I would have liked dating much. if people asked me out to do stuff I might go but I never considered it a date just some version of getting to know someone.

I also made a list at one point, but that went out the window the day I fell in love.

I am from a few generations before you. In the old days a boy would see a girl and become interested and ask her out to a movie or dinner. That was dating. Sometimes dating involved going to a drive in movie and then things get pretty interesting [fogged up windows!].

From what I observe nowadays, dating is very different. Many times it is like hanging out in a group. Friends gather together to do something together and sometimes there is pairing afterwards. It is probably low pressure dating. Being in a group takes the edge off of it.

I guess it makes some sense. I remember I was part of the Sierra Club when I was young. I went on many hikes. The club owned a beautiful lodge up in the mountains. So once or twice a year, I spent the weekend there. Fifty young teenagers and young adults high up in the mountains in a hundred year old cabin, snow on the ground and a roaring fire in the fireplace. You could ask for a more romantic setting.

Relationships aren't all they're cracked up to be. Don't date someone for the sake of being in one.

What was the difficulty with it if you don't mind my asking?

I’ve known some people who ended up in lousy relationships just because they wanted a relationship so bad. It’s sad when it happens.

- The worse social skills, fewer friends, etc. you have, the more you have to compensate for it with a career, good health and so on. Basically, you have to improve your total score
- Never -- not under any circumstance -- be friends with your ex. She will not have your best interests at heart
- Work on overcoming anxiety, shyness and so on rather than buying into any PUA BS
- Never be too afraid to lose a girlfriend/boyfriend. Keep the power balance in a relationship at a sensible level

People will use you food free food and free activities.

... whether you are dating them or not.

Utter nonsense. Two decent people can end a romantic relationship , but remain good friends. I've done it successfully, and I know a number of people who have, also.

And so have I.....

I think he may be referring to an ex-spouse. While it is possible to be on civil terms with an ex, there is always the chance that her "friendly" behavior may only be the bait to lure you into a compromising situation, then you either have to up the alimony payments or face assault charges.

It can be complicated, though, if one of them still has romantic feelings for the other. That situation can feel like torture. It’d probably be best in this scenario to cut off contact entirely.

This very same thing is why we have "muses," and has inspired a considerable body of literature over the eons.

Unrequited, unfulfilled love.

I have tried it too. Usually, the one who suggests it has selfish motives behind it. Furthermore, you'll be constantly reminded everytime you see them that you used to share something more, and that what's left isn't the same.