Difference between compliments and flirting

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^ On earth this is considered an obvious hitting on.

But many users here seem to live on the lala land planet.

No, perhaps you're the one living in lalaland. Try stomping your feet and screaming, that will raise your credibility.

In all fairness, funeral mentioned civilised company.

I am totally fine and calm, I am not the lunatic one here.

Yeah, because going to a stranger woman in a company of man and telling her that you find her top is nice while smiling to her is the normal civilized thing to do. It's something that normal people do everyday.

You should try it people.
/sarcasm.

^
Don't look at me - I'm a personal space fanatic and come from a famed anti-social nation *shrug*, so it's not what I would normally consider civilised behaviour or ever do myself, but I also can't imagine going ballistic or physical about something like that either.

Edit: keep in mind that in my culture and generation you don't speak to strangers unless you need help or live in a tiny place - smiling at a stranger and complimenting them, especially while accompanied by spouse/lover would definitely be a faux-pas, but just as definitely not one worth a hissy fit or violence.

I must admit to not reading the many tree quote posts on pg2 before posting... was aiming to make an on topic reply.
To clarify, I think it's possible Zeroromances mum was trying to teach her that in an openly public place you don't know who exactly you are interacting with, so its best be cautious?
Also, assault doesn't have to mean fisty cuffs

I am not saying it would necessary cause a violent reaction, the couple would most likely giggle about it, but at the very least the one saying it would sound like a total creep.

There's a general mentality here on WP (not you), who insist that some faux-pas are not faux-pas, and refuse to listen to NT (ie. the OP's mom) advice when it comes to such social cues.

The OP's action is a very obvious inappropriate social faux-pas, as obvious as the sun, no one goes to a stranger accompanied with a girlfriend to compliment him about his shirt or whatever. People just don't this regardless of their culture, but the ....weirdos-wannabe here insist that this is the norm and it's fine.

And I entirely don't believe this is a culture-specific thing, this is not a "Western nor Eastern" thing.

A statement like this from your mom surely must be coming from a place of insecurity. Saying you like someone's shirt because you like the band, or the video game, or whatever, although it could be, isn't necessarily flirting. Like any other verbal message, it depends on how its delivered. Although it's interesting that your mom made it into a blanket statement - "never compliment a guy when he is with a girl." (Except... saying you like the shirt isn't complimenting HIM, it's a statement that you like his shirt. A compliment would be more like "You look good in that shirt." It's not the same thing.)

The other thing that comes to mind is that geek culture tends to wear its interests, so that others with the same interest can see it. So it's very likely he would like hearing from a fellow fan. I know if I wear some obscure band shirt that virtually no one has heard of, I love it when someone comes up to me and says "Oh my gosh, you like them too??" It's fun to meet other geeks like myself. And yes, this goes for my partner as well who occasionally may have a woman say something about one of his geeky hobbies that he has.

Anyway, "Hey I like your shirt," obviously does not equal "Your outfit is sexy." And for your mom to make that assumption sounds like she may have some negative experience with this and is projecting. Maybe she had a partner cheat on her at some point in her life and it really affected her and she never truly got over it, who knows.

To me the bottom line is this: It seems to me your mom is suggesting that women are going to be jealous if you speak to their boyfriend/husband. And to that I say: You are not responsible for someone else's emotions. A partner who gets jealous at the drop of a hat because someone made some innocuous comment about their partner's shirt has some issues they need to get over. You can't control another person, and if a partner is going to cheat, they will do it. And it's not the fault of the party who flirted with them, it's the fault of the committed partner who could have been faithful but chose not to.

So take that advice from your mom with a grain of salt and maybe also consider the source.

What xxZeromancerlovexx has stated of how she would've made the comment would have been completely fine. At worst the couple would've just thought, "well that was weird" and moved on.

Even flipping the genders it wouldn't be an issue. It's a comment on a design of t-shirt, and item. Now if the shirt being commented on was very form fitting and giving a look at her boobs for instance it would be inappropriate; it wouldn't be about the shirt but how she looked in it. Likewise if the guy's shirt was showing every body ripple and she said she liked the shirt it would be suggestive and therefore inappropriate. She could bypass that some by saying "cool shirt, I like the game a lot". Being brief and specific disarms the suggestion it's about him.

Now yes people could still take it the wrong way, people could have jealousy but the compliment xxZeromancerlovexx would have been making is benign and of a good intention. She isn't responsible if the have a sock up their bum about it. As I said some people might find it weird but typically shrug it off. I agree that in some places and those of particular generations that would be put out, but I don't see that as the norm these days. I wouldn't say it's normal for people to go up and compliment someone on their aesthetics when they're with another but it's not looked at like it's scandalous.

A real life example that comes to mind- My step father has a pretty distinguishable mustache and has received comments/compliments from men and women on it. It's happened while I was with my mom and him and while it's just been the two of them. One time we were out and a woman came over and said "I just wanted to say your mustache is fantastic!" She said some more about her like of mustaches I don't remember but the point is, no one thought it was creepy. My step dad was glad for the compliment and my mother was happy for him. And for the record neither of them are Autistic.

Zeroromancers mum knows her better than anyone here, but her comment seems to not have been thought through at the time, or she was being short or prickly. It's hard to understand.

My point is that we dont know who we are really interacting with.

Much like driving, other drivers have responsibilities, but I dont drive relying on them to be responsible, because they wont be!

i useta work in a hospital labor & delivery ward [where the babies come from] and one day as i was checking a patient in to the unit, i complimented her on her artistically applied nail art work. i later was called into the nursing supervisor's office, called on the carpet as it were, and told to explain myself. i told them i just complimented her nail art, and they told me she angrily told them i sexually harassed her. i asked how nail art had anything to do with all that and they told me it doesn't matter, it was "unwanted attention." i reassured them that, henceforth, i would not say so much as a non-medical peep to any patient even if they were on fire. they were not amused.

I'll throw in my 2 cents...

NT couples generally would giggle if a girl complimented a guy in passing, yeah the thought might pass it's flirting but really nobody cares, especially if the couple are holding hands. As somebody said earlier the G/F might like it that another girl thinks her B/F is a good dresser.

Where it might be a problem is if the G/F is a distance behind and thinks their B/F is being hit-on but it's more likely the G/F is going to confront the B/F rather than the girl giving the compliment.

On the other hand if I (casting myself as a typical male) blurted a compliment about a girls t-shirt in front of a boyfriend I might find myself visiting the dentist shortly after to get new false teeth inserted. Why? because to the B/F it's probably not the t-shirt I was admiring.

Clearly you don't give off the Ramsey Bolton vibe. I on the other hand have been blessed in that regard.

Do you feed your G/F's to ravenous hounds?

No, she was in another country when we broke up.