It's a trap

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I believe you will and I hope it is sooner then later.

I felt pretty empty when I was single & I was single & looking for a LONG time. I made LOTS of frustrated posts about it here & on other forums/sites. I also tried lots of ways to meet women but didn't have luck getting any.

I don't mean the emptiness of being alone. I mean the emptiness of being with someone who expressed romantic intentions to you who then literally sits next to you when you're out together and there's nothing there. All the warmth is gone and you don't know why. They don't want to talk to you. They don't want to be with you. They're consumed with the mistake they made when they expressed their feelings to you because they've changed their mind, but you don't know what they're thinking and you don't know what's wrong.

You finally found someone who asked you out, but they realised they'd made a mistake and they don't want you. You finally got asked out and they don't really want you.

You got what you thought you always wanted and it's not real. It's like life going, "so this is what you want? Here you go. Oh ha ha, no it's not real. It's just a cruel joke. He doesn't really like you. No one does you loser!"

The solution for any emptiness.

You aren't unlovable, you have plenty to offer and all you must do is find the right person. They exist, giving up isn't the solution unless you want to just avoid pain at the cost of finding love.

This caught my notice......

Did he tell you he had made a mistake and didn't like you anymore?

I'm wondering if he was quiet and detached because he felt nervous to be on a date with you (especially if it was a first date)?

If you go out with a guy who is super quiet again, you could tell him it's okay to be quiet if he doesn't know what to say, and that you are just enjoying being there with him.

Someone said something similar to me once, and it made me feel much more at ease.

I just noticed that Boo beat me to it, and much more eloquently!

Yes, he did, and in a rather blunt manner as well.

This is probably the most sensible suggestion I've had. I think I will get a pet this year. This is the first time in my life I can actually afford to. I'll keep you posted.

That sounds like a real jerk.

While the scenario does sometimes happen that people don't find the kind of personal connection they were hoping for on a date (probably magnified in our case as many dating activities aren't the greatest showcase for our inner awesomeness), they'll usually at least be polite in going through with it or try to tactfully end it early and then just not offer a second one. Someone without that level of courtesy is not worthy of you.

Getting a pet sounds like a good idea though, if you desire one and it works with your living situation. They have lots to offer that will do you good regardless of how your dating situation is going. Romance is not the only kind of love we need and benefit from.

You also don't have to remain in the position of being the one to wait for someone else to notice you. The pool of potential expands quite a bit when you can also be a "noticee." It doesn't necessarily have to lead to a specific outcome to be a worthwhile experience.

I went through the singles list here myself recently, not really actively looking for something right now but curious about what was out there. There was one particular posting that stood out to me, so I went ahead and messaged him just to say I found him interesting. It was probably not something he expected to get in a random PM that day and who knows whether it will lead to something or not, but he seemed pleased to have someone notice and appreciate him. I imagine there are others who'd also feel the same way.

I only got the blunt reply because I asked. He would have just slipped away quietly with no fuss otherwise.

But I needed to know.

Ah, ok. Well I am glad he wasn't intentionally hurtful of you at least, but still I'm sorry you have been so hurt by this nonetheless.

I'm messaging a woman right now on a dating site. She hasn't said anything, but her responses seem to indicate she's also somewhere on the spectrum. The irony is that I feel I'm fighting familiar AS characteristics, rather than everyone else's NT characteristics, in the dating ring this time. The one thing I didn't list as a want in my profile was "pen pal" - so there is an arbitrary time limit here.

The good news is that I'm not 18 any more, and that sense of desperation is gone. I'm fine without a partner after my wife passed away, and it's not a need or even a want but a wonderful possibility.

Everyone says that you shouldn't "need" a partner. That's about as real as saying a 16 year old can drive as well as a 50 year old. It's physiologically impossible when you're younger, and it takes forever to "get it." I hope everyone here can "get it" some day.

Youtube somehow knew that I was reading this topic and recommended me this video:

I agree with a lot of that Differentialform, though I thought some of it was a bit harsh on people who have settled. There may be some counselling on communication that may help them, especially for those too scared to communicate their needs.

I've always been happy with my own company. I guess that's why I've held out for someone I connect with because I would only want to be with someone I enjoyed being with as much as I enjoy being with myself. I had a flat mate that made me feel really stressed and unhappy in my own home and I imagine that would be worse with a romantic partner who you realise you don't get along with.

You might enjoy this book

27 Wrong Reasons it's Not You.

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/18079792-it-s-not-you

I'm sure she wrote a good article in the New York Times, but I don't have time to look for it right now. I'm off to meet some friends for coffee.

Found it. This is written from a woman's perspective, but it applies to men too.

https://www.nytimes.com/2011/09/25/style/modern-love-sometimes-its-not-you-or-the-math.html