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Do women simply just dislike Aspie men?

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Karamazov
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25 Apr 2020, 3:43 pm

Marknis wrote:
Karamazov wrote:
^ that is a very good point.

If I’d never let my flat mate in first year halls at uni drag me down to the student union on the first day there:
• I'd never have been press-ganged into the local metal scene by a bloke who liked my jacket and boots,
• Never been accepted as “he’s quiet and dreamy but he’s one of us” by the lads & lasses there,
• I’d never have met the first girl I took out on a date,
• Never have been invited upstairs by girl who asked me to walk her home after dark,
• Never met my first serious girlfriend...

and never had the knowledge that I could do this thing when I met the woman who’s now my wife.


That doesn’t happen in the culture I live in. If a man can’t get a girlfriend, he’s a “loser” in the eyes of other men and he’ll get belittled for it. Instead of getting taken along to social events, you will be told “Quit whining and do it!” and left to your own devices.


Same here.
Men will take the piss out of each other on any and every ground they can think of: and regard it as a slight against them if you don’t respond in kind.
To quote the prophet (the guy who press-ganged me as per above):
“Look mate, if you can’t think of a witty comeback just tell them to F off: at least it’s a response”
I did as I was told.
Of course occasionally I could think of a comeback.
It’s the lack of response in kind that confirms the notion that you’re a loser, not the thing they take the piss out of you for initially.

The fact it was a metal scene probably helped tbh: several of the folks already there had an ASD diagnosis, trauma from childhood abuse, bipolar disorder etc: a little clan of freaks and misfits of all types.

I also had to get there and enter on my own: which was terrifying every time.
I still did it: assumed it was the same for everyone else at the time.



The_Face_of_Boo
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25 Apr 2020, 3:46 pm

Fnord wrote:
[color=black]When examining the post histories of several men who have complained about lack of popularity with women, one under-riding theme seems to play out:

Men who can't get dates with women also seem to have few (if any) male friends.




That's so surprising to find out on a forum dedicated for autistics; Captain obvious! :|



funeralxempire
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25 Apr 2020, 3:47 pm

rick42 wrote:
Fnord wrote:
When examining the post histories of several men who have complained about lack of popularity with women, one under-riding theme seems to play out:

Men who can't get a date with women also seem to have few (if any) male friends.


I wish I had the time, money, and credentials to do some real research on this.  Unfortunately, it would take all of those to wade through each and every "I Can't Get A Date" post and thread on WP to prove even the slightest correlation.

But it makes intuitive sense.

So gents, if you have trouble getting acquainted with the ladies despite your best efforts, then maybe you should first try being friends with men -- that's friends, nothing more.  You don't have to become a redneck, a punk-rocker, or a bad-assed alpha male -- just make a few male friends and hang out with them.  Once women see that other men like you and get along well with you, they may be more likely to accept you as something other than a creepy loner with a bad attitude.

Anyway ... just sayin' ...



Maybe that's true now,but only because I haven't even tried to bother socializing in a couples of years and been focusing on just my hobbies.I had some male friends throughout most of my life,so lets not act I been a loner throughout my entire life. I had atleast 3 male friends back during my Middle School,High School and College years and even after as well until I was in 26/27 years old. Also had atleast one male friend until a almost a couple years ago when we had a fallout with one another.The problem is not women seem necessarily see me as loner creep.It always seem girls/women were way more interested in my friends than they were towards me.Most of my former friends had atleast 1 girlfriend throughout their life and others have gotten atleast attention from women. One of my former friends even mocked me because while he was getting date and get to fu*k several of females,I can't even get females to have long conversations with me. While it's likely true that males that have no friends tend to be seen as losers/loners by females,it doesn't explain why I NEVER got girls/women to like me at any point in my life.


It does actually offer insight into why you're struggling with women, because you're not just struggling with women, even if you don't notice or care about the other struggle. Generally speaking, and in line with what Fnord has observed, men who struggle romantically struggle more broadly than that, socially speaking. The deficit of social skills that contributes to your struggles romantically also plays out in other categories of social life.

Your friends who were better socially equipped always got more attention because they responded appropriately in social interactions. Did they spend a lot of time hanging out with you, or just in those social situations? Were you close, or did you just hang out sometimes? If they were mostly superficial friends who only saw you when they already were doing something, or in fairly limited contexts with other people involved and never with any real closeness or emotional intimacy, my money is on that they didn't view you as a particularly close friend. It hurts to realize this, but it's healthy to realize it as well. Once your value as an immature source of entertainment evaporates, they don't have the time for you.

If you struggle at forming healthy emotional bonds with people, it will impact both your ability to form platonic friendships as well as romantic relationships. If there's nothing to connect to, you'll remain lacking in connections. Fnord isn't incorrect in this observation and being bitter and blaming others will never resolve it or even improve it.


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Karamazov
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25 Apr 2020, 3:54 pm

^ hear hear!

One male friend, preferably a decade or so older and intelligent* who can act as a mentor to a certain extent, is worth more than all the dating tips books and websites in the world.

* as in bright in general, not necessarily academically gifted.



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25 Apr 2020, 3:57 pm

lostonearth35 wrote:
I don't know. Do aspie men simply just dislike aspie women?


Its virtually impossible for an aspie guy to find an aspie girl to date for the same reason that you would find it hard to date a person who actually walked on the Moon. Like Apollo astronauts aspie women are a tiny population.



The_Face_of_Boo
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25 Apr 2020, 3:57 pm

No one has time nor the energy to fix anyone's life, let's be real people.



The_Face_of_Boo
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25 Apr 2020, 3:59 pm

naturalplastic wrote:
lostonearth35 wrote:
I don't know. Do aspie men simply just dislike aspie women?


Its virtually impossible for an aspie guy to find an aspie girl to date for the same reason that you would find it hard to date a person who actually walked on the Moon. Like Apollo astronauts aspie women are a tiny population.


What are more rare, pandas or aspie women?



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25 Apr 2020, 4:02 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Fnord wrote:
When examining the post histories of several men who have complained about lack of popularity with women, one under-riding theme seems to play out:

Men who can't get dates with women also seem to have few (if any) male friends.



That's so surprising to find out on a forum dedicated for autistics; Captain obvious!

I've noticed this in real life, too. Men who have wives and/or girlfriends also seem to have an abundance of male friends; and men who cannot get along with other men usually don't get along well with women, either.

Yes, it's obvious ... now.  It just never occurred to me before; at least, not consciously.



Last edited by Fnord on 25 Apr 2020, 4:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Marknis
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25 Apr 2020, 4:02 pm

Karamazov wrote:
Marknis wrote:
Karamazov wrote:
^ that is a very good point.

If I’d never let my flat mate in first year halls at uni drag me down to the student union on the first day there:
• I'd never have been press-ganged into the local metal scene by a bloke who liked my jacket and boots,
• Never been accepted as “he’s quiet and dreamy but he’s one of us” by the lads & lasses there,
• I’d never have met the first girl I took out on a date,
• Never have been invited upstairs by girl who asked me to walk her home after dark,
• Never met my first serious girlfriend...

and never had the knowledge that I could do this thing when I met the woman who’s now my wife.


That doesn’t happen in the culture I live in. If a man can’t get a girlfriend, he’s a “loser” in the eyes of other men and he’ll get belittled for it. Instead of getting taken along to social events, you will be told “Quit whining and do it!” and left to your own devices.


Same here.
Men will take the piss out of each other on any and every ground they can think of: and regard it as a slight against them if you don’t respond in kind.
To quote the prophet (the guy who press-ganged me as per above):
“Look mate, if you can’t think of a witty comeback just tell them to F off: at least it’s a response”
I did as I was told.
Of course occasionally I could think of a comeback.
It’s the lack of response in kind that confirms the notion that you’re a loser, not the thing they take the piss out of you for initially.

The fact it was a metal scene probably helped tbh: several of the folks already there had an ASD diagnosis, trauma from childhood abuse, bipolar disorder etc: a little clan of freaks and misfits of all types.

I also had to get there and enter on my own: which was terrifying every time.
I still did it: assumed it was the same for everyone else at the time.


There’s almost no middle ground regarding metal where I live. Depending on the perception, it’s “Satanic”, “neckbeard music”, or “bad ass” though they have to be bands like Five Finger Death Punch, Godsmack, Disturbed, Slipknot, and Avenged Sevenfold to be considered “bad ass” because anything that isn’t mainstream to these people isn’t “cool”. :roll:



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25 Apr 2020, 4:04 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
naturalplastic wrote:
lostonearth35 wrote:
I don't know. Do aspie men simply just dislike aspie women?


Its virtually impossible for an aspie guy to find an aspie girl to date for the same reason that you would find it hard to date a person who actually walked on the Moon. Like Apollo astronauts aspie women are a tiny population.


What are more rare, pandas or aspie women?


Around these parts, pandas.

This place has a substantial population of aspie women, they're only slightly more rare than aspie men around these parts. Of course, some posters struggle to notice them because if one chooses to spend their life with their head up their ass there's a good chance all they'll see is s**t - but that's the fault of their choice of perspective, not the lack of aspie women.


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25 Apr 2020, 4:06 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
naturalplastic wrote:
lostonearth35 wrote:
I don't know. Do aspie men simply just dislike aspie women?


Its virtually impossible for an aspie guy to find an aspie girl to date for the same reason that you would find it hard to date a person who actually walked on the Moon. Like Apollo astronauts aspie women are a tiny population.


What are more rare, pandas or aspie women?


Around these parts, pandas.

This place has a substantial population of aspie women, they're only slightly more rare than aspie men around these parts. Of course, some posters struggle to notice them because if one chooses to spend their life with their head up their ass there's a good chance all they'll see is s**t - but that's the fault of their choice of perspective, not the lack of aspie women.



Or they don't notice them because people don't have ASPIE written on their foreheads?

Or do you mean WP? Virtual relationships are not real, dude.



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25 Apr 2020, 4:10 pm

Fnord wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Fnord wrote:
When examining the post histories of several men who have complained about lack of popularity with women, one under-riding theme seems to play out:

Men who can't get dates with women also seem to have few (if any) male friends.



That's so surprising to find out on a forum dedicated for autistics; Captain obvious!

I've noticed this in real life, too. Men who have wives and/or girlfriends also seem to have an abundance of male friends; and men who cannot get along with other men usually don't get along well with women, either.

Yes, it's obvious ... now.  It just never occurred to me before; at least, not consciously.



If an aspie has a successful life + wife + an abundant number of friends + always had a normal social life , then he's far less likely to join WP in the first place.
Umm it's far less likely to be even diagnosed, why would he identify with autism?



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25 Apr 2020, 4:19 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Or do you mean WP? Virtual relationships are not real, dude.


You're welcome to believe whatever you'd like to.
I really can't pretend to respect for a grown man who addresses others as dude.

Further, you have a long established track record of being not even wrong on these matters. You're welcome to let your own attitudes limit your development, but why encourage others to make the same mistakes?


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"Many of us like to ask ourselves, What would I do if I was alive during slavery? Or the Jim Crow South? Or apartheid? What would I do if my country was committing genocide?' The answer is, you're doing it. Right now." —Former U.S. Airman (Air Force) Aaron Bushnell


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25 Apr 2020, 4:20 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Fnord wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Fnord wrote:
When examining the post histories of several men who have complained about lack of popularity with women, one under-riding theme seems to play out: Men who can't get dates with women also seem to have few (if any) male friends.
That's so surprising to find out on a forum dedicated for autistics; Captain obvious!
I've noticed this in real life, too. Men who have wives and/or girlfriends also seem to have an abundance of male friends; and men who cannot get along with other men usually don't get along well with women, either.  Yes, it's obvious ... now.  It just never occurred to me before; at least, not consciously.
If an aspie has a successful life + wife + an abundant number of friends + always had a normal social life, then he's far less likely to join WP in the first place. 
Umm it's far less likely to be even diagnosed, why would he identify with autism?
I don't recall ever having stated that my supposition was only about aspie men, even though I did come to the realization after having reviewed "a lot" of posts and threads featuring aspie men who complain about not getting dates with women AND not having any male friends, either.

This leads me to conclude that if a man -- any man -- is having trouble getting dates, he might do better if he could be seen as having male friends than if he was seen to have no friends at all.

I don't know if this is even a testable hypothesis.  How would someone go about running such an experiment?



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25 Apr 2020, 4:21 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Or do you mean WP? Virtual relationships are not real, dude.


You're welcome to believe whatever you'd like to.
I really can't pretend to respect for a grown man who addresses others as dude.

Further, you have a long established track record of being not even wrong on these matters. You're welcome to let your own attitudes limit your development, but why encourage others to make the same mistakes?


All this attack because of the word dude? You're very sick in the mind.



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25 Apr 2020, 4:23 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Or do you mean WP? Virtual relationships are not real, dude.
You're welcome to believe whatever you'd like to.  I really can't pretend to respect for a grown man who addresses others as dude.  Further, you have a long established track record of being not even wrong on these matters.  You're welcome to let your own attitudes limit your development, but why encourage others to make the same mistakes?
All this attack because of the word dude? You're very sick in the mind.
There also seems to be a significant degree of doubt toward the accuracy of your claims involved.