I am completely stuck in a rut.

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Some of its genetic material must be coming from the Bizzaro world.

I’ve become what my 17 self feared the most.

Oh dear.
Sounds terrible...
Would I be right in surmising that “the rut” is broader and more all-encompassing than love & dating issues?

I don’t even touch my guitar anymore. Not that I was even good at it but I don’t even bother since I can’t play guitar solos, can’t play a large number of songs, come up with my own songs, and won’t ever be a part of a band.

I haven’t tried drawing for a weeks now. I can’t draw on the level I wish I could.

I wish I could write stories but I keep getting writer’s block and I don’t know how to write about political, social, military, or scientific subjects when it comes to fiction. I also can’t decide on what books to read and wish I didn’t struggle when it comes to reading long novels or non-fiction books.

Write about what you know and your experiences. Write an autobiographical story on being stuck in a rut - it may be cathartic in some way ?

I never learned to play solos except for the three note one in We Are 138, but it didn't stop me from recording music. At least some of the bands you like are more focused on experimental sounds than technical proficiency, so not being able to play solos well shouldn't discourage you from playing even if it forces how you express yourself in a certain direction instead of another one. Like technical death metal might not be an option, but shoegaze or black metal or hardcore or whatever you'd call the Deftones all seem within reach (among styles).

Perhaps a change in what you draw and write might help. I started writing rap bars because I had writer's block with my novel. I don't really draw much stuff like what I drew when I was in my 20s but I find a sometimes making a page full of doodles can be satisfying.

Setting the standard for success either too high, or defining it by a standard that you feel makes it unachievable is likely to discourage you. Sometimes the point of setting a fairly modest goal and working towards it is just to remind yourself that you actually can achieve.

Would finding a partner to collaborate with possibly serve as motivation for your creative endevours?

Some good ideas above, I’ll add my own thoughts... see what you make of them and if they’re any use.

Yes, I effectively abandoned the guitar for a while when I was in my mid-twenties and dealing with various issues both practical and psychological.
I also had the problem that I wanted to write songs and lead parts but just couldn’t make them work: all little bits that just didn’t come together to make a whole... and my timing was very poor and sloppy.
I’ve rediscovered my enthusiasm since then across my thirties, but it involved abandoning the idea of playing with others and switching to classical guitar instead... also devouring all the music theory I’ve been able to get my hands on.
I’m not thinking you should replicate my path with the instrument, but maybe a change in approach and style might help resurrect your interest?
I definitely enjoy my musical attempts much more now than at any time since I was 19... worth thinking over and experimenting with I’d say.
Are there any other types of guitar music you find appealing that could be an enjoyable way to add to/expand your skills with the instrument?

Yeah! I’ve also abandoned and restarted my attempts at art several times over, and the amount of it I do is variable.
I’ve found that for me at least I need to be given a project to make any headway with my work in that regard and gain genuine satisfaction from the result: inventing one myself never seems to work for me, I get over ambitious and then fall into the bad habit of mentally chastising myself for failure.
I’ve also shifted what art I do and what media I work in several times, I find that the rush of developing new skills brings inspiration and enthusiasm that reflects back into ones I already have.
What do you work in?
I’ve seen the anime in pencil you put up a while ago: have you tried out any other media or subjects?

This isn’t one I’ve ever seriously attempted: how much knowledge of the subjects you mention as they arise in the real world do you have?
Incorporating greater study of them may help you with knowing how to handle them in your own writing.
Can’t say where or which one to start with: I know that in my reading I have a subject rota I stick to (so I always read a science book after a history book for example).
It might be best to think over what you really want to know and then start with one book on that subject, maybe a relatively light one at first if you’re having difficulty with larger works.
Reading academic and literary works requires mental stamina in the same way that sports do, building up to it is a good idea... and keeping some favourite easier reads about to revisit as a “reading holiday” can also help: you don’t need to be pushing yourself all the time!

I’ve just thought there’s something I do with both learning music, reading books and in my work as a gardener: I mentally divide it up into “chunks” and then only focus on the “chunk” before me.
So, I’ll only expect myself to read between one and six chapters a day (depending on chapter length, about sixty pages average) and at a set time in my routine.
Same for guitar: I have a set time every day but Saturday, when I’m learning a new piece I annotate the score, dividing it into blocks of about eight bars, and play through each block in turn four times each practice... and then gradually combine them until I’m playing the whole piece from beginning to end.
Have you ever tried this sort of approach?

Perhaps, you can use your quarintene time to make yourself more presentable to the opposite sex. Now is a great time to make ourselves more presentable to people.

Yeah, right.

Of course we want you to get a girlfriend! We want our fellow aspies to be happy. I think the quarantine has made dating more difficult for everyone including NTs. I know I was doing pretty good with an online dating app called Hinge and manage to get a few dates before quarantine. However, with quarantine I wasn't having much success and decided to delete the app for my mental health. I wish it was easier for all of us on the spectrum to find the partners and the love we truly desire. Autism does make it harder to find partners but it isn't impossible. Hopefully the dating scene get easier for you once the pandemic calms down.

I've lost 10 kg.

human reproduction may take a heavey hit this year or so so if your dating activity was low before ,,, not alot of evidence these days , things will be any better .
Good luck with the TMS it is worthwhile .

I'm not gonna detract you. Even if I wanted to, I don't have time for it. You might recall I resolved to follow my own advice. It has turned into a dangerous game over the last two or three weeks. My contract has run out and I haven't signed a new one yet. I've been offered my last one, but I'm afraid it's unacceptable. I could make things work for another year. But there's another baby on the way. It's not simply a matter of a change of scenery. It's about survival. So I'll sign that contract and go back to my old job if things get desperate. But you really don't understand how much I'm freaking out right now.

I mean...I'm not just filling out job applications. I'm actually writing emails, making phone calls, leaving voicemails. I actually DID have one interview over Zoom back in May, but they hired someone else. One job I've applied for doesn't close until the end of this month, which is cutting it critically close. I may be making a phone call tomorrow on that one.
There's a school in Houston that looks promising. The down side is that job doesn't have more responsibility than any position I've had in the past and might make job hunting even more difficult moving forward. There's another Texas job that looks good as well as a job in South Carolina. I'm only certified in Mississippi, though, so that's going to complicate things.

I'm not meaning to make this about me. It's just that being stuck in a rut is something we have in common. To fully appreciate the Mississippi Delta, you have to be so absolutely in love with the place that you'll do anything to stay here. The Delta has not been kind to us. Leaving is a matter of improving my family's quality of life and preserving my own sanity. But once you're here, it's like trying to break out of a bad relationship with an insane partner. You try to leave, it starts with begging and pleading and ends with threats. She'll say, "you're nothing without me. If you leave me, who would have you?" Like I said about my ex fiancée, I'd rather be alone for the rest of my life. I can be materially and mentally broke in the Delta or I can take a chance on the same elsewhere. At least I might get a change of scenery by leaving.

I'm telling you, if you set your mind to breaking out of the prison you're caught in, at the very least your efforts give you some amount of hope you can cling to. It's more frightening to break out of the rut. It's more difficult, too. But I'm not allowing myself to imagine that it can't be possible. We're just taking it one day at a time. Starting with things we can control. I bought a hatchet and a machete that I split between myself and my kids to clear brush off the back part of our property. I have two lawnmowers so the kids can keep the grass cut while I'm looking for work. We're working out a deal with someone to completely replace our septic system to clear up the wet spots in our lawn (field line problems). We'll be fixing up the interior of our house and repainting/reflooring so we can sell it faster. We'll be looking at properties to buy when we relocate. It's so scary because we have so little money and nowhere to go. And it seems so stupid to just pack and leave. But we'll never leave if we don't. I know it doesn't seem helpful for me to tell you if you're stuck in a rut to "just get out." I know that, because I'm living it, and this part just SUCKS. But at the same time, it's not going to ever get easier. The only way to do it is to just do it. If you have any freedom to leave, what I'm telling you is the only way it's going to happen. I hope you understand I'm not saying this as a detractor, but as one who feels your pain.

I've lost 5 kg, but not for the better (from fit to skinnier).

I haven’t gained or lost anything despite walking 20-30 miles a week for about 6 weeks. I stayed in the low 80s (182 pounds) in terms of kilos after going down to the upper 70s (173 pounds) because I had COVID.

I hope the TMS goes well for you, Marknis. There’s some good advice for you in this thread.

Last edited by kraftiekortie on 09 Jun 2020, 6:02 am, edited 1 time in total.