Is it possible to not be cut out for dating?

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Outsider85
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17 Aug 2020, 3:14 pm

I know that now.

BenderRodriguez
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17 Aug 2020, 3:25 pm

My experience: if you pay attention to the personal style, preferences and body type/size of the person the gift is for, they really appreciate both the gift and the gesture. Some of my wife's favourite lingerie and clothes were picked by me.

Rule of thumb with any gift: prioritise what they like.

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Outsider85
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17 Aug 2020, 3:40 pm

I’ll remember that.

idntonkw
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17 Aug 2020, 7:13 pm

Outsider85 wrote:

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B01LYVS7D2?psc=1&ref=ppx_pop_mob_b_asin_image. That is what it looks like.

She was a tomboy. My psychiatrist says that if a guy does that for a lady, she thinks that there is a strings attached and a favor is owed. Do you follow?

That dress is ugly sorry.. it is also cheap.. the strapless thing is sexualized in that only a hot chick in good shape can wear it, otherwise if a fat or old woman tries it on - it will expose unflattering parts of her body which is a stupid thing to do.. you would have to be really good at picking clothes to actually pick something a woman would wear..

KT67
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18 Aug 2020, 3:38 am

Outsider85 wrote:

KT67,

So you’re now thinking I am cut out for dating? If so, what makes you say that?

You have friends. That means you're capable of sustaining a long term platonic relationship. That means the non-sex parts of a relationship would be possible for you.

You have female friends. That shows respect for women.

You seem to be looking for a woman for the right reasons. Because you want someone to love and to share mutual companionship with, as well as anything physical beyond that. You would put in the work, as relationships can be hard sometimes and are two-sided affairs. So are friendships.

If something goes wrong, the fact you have friends means you have a support network beyond your mother. Whether that's a break up or just the usual problems in a relationship (although I suggest talking that over with male friends not with women in case it leads to suspicions etc).

I wouldn't be capable of doing this, so I'm not cut out for dating. I find it hard to sustain a friendship. My only reasons to want to date consist of not wanting to have a 'single status' when that's looked down on and being horny sometimes. Those are immature reasons which no man/woman would want a long time, healthy relationship with me over and it would be selfish to impose one.

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Pepe
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18 Aug 2020, 7:35 am

rdos wrote:

Lots of bad advice here. It's not necessary (or even desirable) to become an expert at NT social functioning to get a partner. Actually, it's a slow road to failure where you focus too much on irrelevant stuff.

It might be desirable to be friends with a partner, but it should be AFTER you got together, not before. That's because the "friend desires" that many NDs express towards potential partners are not true friend desires, but relationship desires, and so you are "advertising" the wrong thing.

And people should stop focusing so much on talking and having flow in speech. This is only relevant when hooking up with NTs, so why do you bother with it? Do you have a huge desire to be played with and eventually dumped by NT women?

Well, that is one opinion.

Outsider85
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18 Aug 2020, 8:24 am

I remember I did something with my ex, I called it Doll On Musicbox Dance. The dance from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang where Truly is singing and doing bends and clicks with her hands. I stood behind my girlfriend and I helped her with the choreography. She would giggle, because it was so silly she thought.

It felt like she was the puppet and I the puppet master. Does this make me crazy? I would always ask her before doing.

Outsider85
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18 Aug 2020, 3:25 pm

Is there a dating website, that is about Aspie patients only? If so what is it? Thanks.

Outsider85
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19 Aug 2020, 9:33 am

I have tried pretty much everything to meet women. Libraries, church, online, bookstores, grocery stores, walks, Renaissance Faire, bars, and yet no results. Any ideas of where else. Oh gum too I tried.

rdos
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19 Aug 2020, 10:01 am

Given your history with women, I think you should be able to succeed. Many of them even sound like NDs, and if you can (and want to) select that type of woman, then I think you should consider dating and all that goes with it as "not applicable". Instead, you should explore your natural preferences and be confident that they actually work with ND women, regardless of how strange that might sound to you and others here.

The_Face_of_Boo
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19 Aug 2020, 10:02 am

Outsider85 wrote:

Socialization, focus on having male friends who will surely have female friends too.

The thing is, no matter the venue is, if you are a solo male in the event/venue it would be so hard to approach women. Getting to know people in a group setting is much easier.

Oh, but we have Covid now....so f**k that.

rdos
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19 Aug 2020, 10:07 am

Outsider85 wrote:

Is there a dating website, that is about Aspie patients only? If so what is it? Thanks.

There are sites like that, but they typically have the whole world as their target, and so people live too far away from each other to really be able to meet in real life. And you definitely want to meet women in real life rather than only online.

You definitely should not focus solely on diagnosed ASD. Both because there is a big gender difference in diagnosis and because then there will be two people with similar social problems.

rdos
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19 Aug 2020, 10:12 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Socialization, focus on having male friends who will surely have female friends too.

Many single ND women don't have a lot of friends (just like many ND men don't either), so I don't think this is a useful approach to get to know ND women. I think activities that attract ND women will be far better.

The_Face_of_Boo
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19 Aug 2020, 12:35 pm

rdos wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Socialization, focus on having male friends who will surely have female friends too.

It's easier to find pandas in real life than finding ND women.

Fnord
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19 Aug 2020, 12:41 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

rdos wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Socialization, focus on having male friends who will surely have female friends too.

It's easier to find pandas in real life than finding ND women.

They are easy to find; just look around any (pre-covid) shopping mall, cocktail lounge, and corporate business office. Of course, once you find them, you have to attract them; and for that, all you have to do is...

:roll:

... never mind ...

... we have been over that subject many times before, so why repeat what has already been said?

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The_Face_of_Boo
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19 Aug 2020, 1:14 pm

Fnord wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

rdos wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Socialization, focus on having male friends who will surely have female friends too.

It's easier to find pandas in real life than finding ND women.

... never mind ...

... we have been over that subject many times before, so why repeat what has already been said?

You are probably confusing between ND and NT; by ND he means women with Asperger’s; which is a rare condition after all.

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