that1weirdgrrrl
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Joined: 19 Jul 2017
Age: 44
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,090
Location: Between my dreams and your fantasies
25 Aug 2020, 3:37 pm
MaxE wrote:
If you're already living together, then whether you're legally married should not be an overarching concern. Rather than formally propose, you should simply mention the idea in passing and see how much interest is shown. If not, then wait a year.
If not living together, then address that concern first. If not ready to live together, then not ready to marry.
Once two people are living together, separating is going to be painful whether you're legally married or not.
Sorry if I don't seem very romantic. To me, marriage seems like something two people will do when they both want to and are ready. Having said that, it genuinely perplexes me why so many couples live together for so many years without getting married, given that they are already married for all intents and purposes, except for the paperwork. I guess it has to do with the fact that people still think they have to spend thousands on an elaborate wedding, reception, etc. along with bachelor/bachelorette parties, bridal showers, etc. Only reason I can think of.
If not living together, then address that concern first. If not ready to live together, then not ready to marry.
Once two people are living together, separating is going to be painful whether you're legally married or not.
Sorry if I don't seem very romantic. To me, marriage seems like something two people will do when they both want to and are ready. Having said that, it genuinely perplexes me why so many couples live together for so many years without getting married, given that they are already married for all intents and purposes, except for the paperwork. I guess it has to do with the fact that people still think they have to spend thousands on an elaborate wedding, reception, etc. along with bachelor/bachelorette parties, bridal showers, etc. Only reason I can think of.
Thank you for this overview of the whole situation.
I wasn't really thinking of the debate about how much money is worth spending on the legal piece of paper! But yes, that is definitely a hot debate of its own
Jakki, why
?
25 Aug 2020, 3:56 pm
that1weirdgrrrl wrote:
MaxE wrote:
If you're already living together, then whether you're legally married should not be an overarching concern. Rather than formally propose, you should simply mention the idea in passing and see how much interest is shown. If not, then wait a year.
If not living together, then address that concern first. If not ready to live together, then not ready to marry.
Once two people are living together, separating is going to be painful whether you're legally married or not.
Sorry if I don't seem very romantic. To me, marriage seems like something two people will do when they both want to and are ready. Having said that, it genuinely perplexes me why so many couples live together for so many years without getting married, given that they are already married for all intents and purposes, except for the paperwork. I guess it has to do with the fact that people still think they have to spend thousands on an elaborate wedding, reception, etc. along with bachelor/bachelorette parties, bridal showers, etc. Only reason I can think of.
If not living together, then address that concern first. If not ready to live together, then not ready to marry.
Once two people are living together, separating is going to be painful whether you're legally married or not.
Sorry if I don't seem very romantic. To me, marriage seems like something two people will do when they both want to and are ready. Having said that, it genuinely perplexes me why so many couples live together for so many years without getting married, given that they are already married for all intents and purposes, except for the paperwork. I guess it has to do with the fact that people still think they have to spend thousands on an elaborate wedding, reception, etc. along with bachelor/bachelorette parties, bridal showers, etc. Only reason I can think of.
Thank you for this overview of the whole situation.
I wasn't really thinking of the debate about how much money is worth spending on the legal piece of paper! But yes, that is definitely a hot debate of its own
Jakki, why
?Marriage is a far greater thing. Than a piece of paper or even money , I always wish for marriages to work. Regardless of other issues that could come between the intended parties . When love is involved “ Just my opinion “.
that1weirdgrrrl
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Joined: 19 Jul 2017
Age: 44
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,090
Location: Between my dreams and your fantasies
25 Aug 2020, 4:15 pm
Jakki wrote:
Marriage is a far greater thing. Than a piece of paper or even money , I always wish for marriages to work. Regardless of other issues that could come between the intended parties . When love is involved “ Just my opinion “.
I agree
I didn't mean to diminish it by trying to differentiate defacto from legal. As Max said, the dissolution of either would be devastating
27 Aug 2020, 11:59 am
27 Aug 2020, 1:09 pm
amygdala417 wrote:
Although as a female, one should really think it through and make sure the person you want to marry is reliable and compatible, especially if one considers having children. Marriage extends the life expectancy of males and makes them happier, so it's more in their favor (contrary to gender stereotypes)
https://www.health.harvard.edu/mens-hea ... ens-health
https://www.health.harvard.edu/mens-hea ... ens-health
There are reasons that especially women are a lot more into it.
In the end both want to ensure to stay with each other. This makes sense as long as you want children together because it's a long time that they require the care of both parents. But as soon as they are married not even few people stop to care about themself as well as about their partners. Many people would be a lot happier without marriage just because of this.
_________________
I am as I am.
Life has to be an adventure!27 Aug 2020, 3:59 pm
quite an extreme wrote:
amygdala417 wrote:
Although as a female, one should really think it through and make sure the person you want to marry is reliable and compatible, especially if one considers having children. Marriage extends the life expectancy of males and makes them happier, so it's more in their favor (contrary to gender stereotypes)
https://www.health.harvard.edu/mens-hea ... ens-health
https://www.health.harvard.edu/mens-hea ... ens-health
There are reasons that especially women are a lot more into it.
In the end both want to ensure to stay with each other. This makes sense as long as you want children together because it's a long time that they require the care of both parents. But as soon as they are married not even few people stop to care about themself as well as about their partners. Many people would be a lot happier without marriage just because of this. If you marry a individual that has strong traditional values , possibly inherited from their parental families. You may just end up with persons marraiges in which both parties care deeply for each other and themselves . Often more so for their respective partners . But I am a product of a much older generation.And this is only my opinion.
nick007
Veteran
Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,711
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic military dictatorship called USA
27 Aug 2020, 7:34 pm
Jakki wrote:
quite an extreme wrote:
amygdala417 wrote:
Although as a female, one should really think it through and make sure the person you want to marry is reliable and compatible, especially if one considers having children. Marriage extends the life expectancy of males and makes them happier, so it's more in their favor (contrary to gender stereotypes)
https://www.health.harvard.edu/mens-hea ... ens-health
https://www.health.harvard.edu/mens-hea ... ens-health
There are reasons that especially women are a lot more into it.
In the end both want to ensure to stay with each other. This makes sense as long as you want children together because it's a long time that they require the care of both parents. But as soon as they are married not even few people stop to care about themself as well as about their partners. Many people would be a lot happier without marriage just because of this. If you marry a individual that has strong traditional values , possibly inherited from their parental families. You may just end up with persons marraiges in which both parties care deeply for each other and themselves . Often more so for their respective partners . But I am a product of a much older generation.And this is only my opinion.
that1weirdgrrrl
Veteran
Joined: 19 Jul 2017
Age: 44
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,090
Location: Between my dreams and your fantasies
27 Aug 2020, 10:53 pm
27 Aug 2020, 11:22 pm
27 Aug 2020, 11:31 pm
amygdala417 wrote:
If the proposal was entirely a surprise, it probably isn't the healthiest given the other partner has such a short time to consider it and can almost only reach a decision under the influence of emotions.
A rational aspie.
Good to see.
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