What is your Concept of Romantic LOVE? Please DEFINE it.

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I may have misunderstood your point, but people don't kiss in public to show off. It's more that they do it because they want to kiss the other person and they don't really care where they are. Some may want to show off, but mostly people will like it if you feel comfortable kissing them in public because it shows that you are attracted to them so much that you want to kiss them now, here, not caring where you are. People like spontaneity. Feelings aren't things that can be put into appropriate locations. They just spring up. It's romantic when someone wants to kiss you because it shows that they feel all warm and fuzzy around you and want to touch you.

It's not done as a show or something like acting. It's not meant to be fake. That's why NTs can get upset with Aspies. The NT feels spontaneous, but the Aspie has a more rigid view of when things should be done and where.

That's why NTs get upset when Aspies don't do spontaneous things for them or enjoy doing things with them. The NT feels love and warmth when they do these things. It means love to them. They feel like the aspie doesn't feel the same love back.

When I've felt "love" for people I usually feel like I can be fully honest with them (not mask as much, etc.) without them taking advantage of it (whether that ends up true or not lol). They don't give me the anxiety and wariness that other people give me.

I want to spend a lot of time with that person and seemingly don't get exhausted by being around them or messaging them a lot of the time, which doesn't happen with most people. I just like being around them a lot, and instead of the vague feelings I usually get towards other people due to alexithymia I get very excited to see them and think about them.

That kind of optimism is wishful thinking. It's like trying to hammer the square peg into the round hole.

... ... ...

That is what i thought at one point in time early in my neuro-diverse marriage ...But i had good reasons to be optimistic ...

I am glad to shared with you that my beloved (Aspie) husband has certain romantic gestures for me...Because he knows these small acts of kindness make me happy...And he wants to see me happy...Seeing me happy makes him happy...He won't express it in such terms...Instead, he will say, "When i see you dancing, my heart wants to come out of my chest...Dance again!"...

Here are some examples of what my beloved (Aspie) husband does for me to please me: He will catch a sunset with me...occasionally...He will drink tea with me...occasionally...He will go on a picnic with me...occasionally...He will draw me into his special interests...This last, i absolutely love!! !...And he has learned to enjoy our daily prolonged hugs, which is good for both of our hearts...

You will be surprise how much an Aspie can learn in his adult years...Don't ever underestimate an Aspie's brain...

The patronizing way you write about him, I feel sorry for that aspie man. But maybe he's just the kind who doesn't know any better.

I have never been the kind who didn't like hugs, quite the opposite; I never had to learn such things, cause it all comes instinctively to me. When I'm connected to someone I care for, I can physically feel them, their emotions, even at a distance. Check out the "Affective Empathy" part of this article, especially regarding hyper-empathy: https://the-art-of-autism.com/autistic- ... eal-story/

That is what i thought at one point in time early in my neuro-diverse marriage ...But i had good reasons to be optimistic ...

I am glad to shared with you that my beloved (Aspie) husband has certain romantic gestures for me...Because he knows these small acts of kindness make me happy...And he wants to see me happy...Seeing me happy makes him happy...He won't express it in such terms...Instead, he will say, "When i see you dancing, my heart wants to come out of my chest...Dance again!"...

Here are some examples of what my beloved (Aspie) husband does for me to please me: He will catch a sunset with me...occasionally...He will drink tea with me...occasionally...He will go on a picnic with me...occasionally...

He will draw me into his special interests...This last, i absolutely love!! !

...And he has learned to enjoy our daily prolonged hugs, which is good for both of our hearts...

When I've felt "love" for people I usually feel like I can be fully honest with them (not mask as much, etc.) without them taking advantage of it (whether that ends up true or not lol). They don't give me the anxiety and wariness that other people give me.

I want to spend a lot of time with that person and seemingly don't get exhausted by being around them or messaging them a lot of the time, which doesn't happen with most people. I just like being around them a lot, and instead of the vague feelings I usually get towards other people due to alexithymia I get very excited to see them and think about them.

I also feel very comfortable being touched by them and want to be physically close to them when I'm around them, and long to be able to do that when I'm not around them.

I'm not usually genuinely interested in what other people like (that sounds kind of mean, but it's true), but I want to get to know what that person is interested in and do those things with them.

"Love" in comparison to other relationships is like having a best friend, but that person is a super-best friend that I'd consider spending my life with. lmao

I may have misunderstood your point, but people don't kiss in public to show off. It's more that they do it because they want to kiss the other person and they don't really care where they are. Some may want to show off, but mostly people will like it if you feel comfortable kissing them in public because it shows that you are attracted to them so much that you want to kiss them now, here, not caring where you are. People like spontaneity. Feelings aren't things that can be put into appropriate locations. They just spring up. It's romantic when someone wants to kiss you because it shows that they feel all warm and fuzzy around you and want to touch you.

It's not done as a show or something like acting. It's not meant to be fake. That's why NTs can get upset with Aspies. The NT feels spontaneous, but the Aspie has a more rigid view of when things should be done and where.

That's why NTs get upset when Aspies don't do spontaneous things for them or enjoy doing things with them. The NT feels love and warmth when they do these things. It means love to them. They feel like the aspie doesn't feel the same love back.

I actually think you are wrong when you claim that it is not a show off behavior. I once read an article about moaning during sex, and it seemed like the conclusion was that NTs did this to make people aware of what happened, and so it was a sort of show off too. However, NTs do all they can to try to hide that it is show off they are doing.

I think I have a good idea now why NDs like rituals and doing things in the same way. It's because they are collecting good hunting & hiding places so they have good plans ahead when they are at a particular place. These actually are revised when needed, but not for reason of "spontanity".

Besides, NTs are not very spontanious either. They have so many cultural rules & dogmas to follow which many NDs care little about, but when NDs ignore those they are not spontanious rather rule-breakers and oddballs.

Please know that there is an infatuation period usually within the first three months of a relationship that gradually fades away...In these few months, more or less, you both feel a very strong physical attraction, like what you describe above...But the question remains: Will this phase, often called the honeymoon stage, survive the test of time

The patronizing way you write about him, I feel sorry for that aspie man. But maybe he's just the kind who doesn't know any better.

I have never been the kind who didn't like hugs, quite the opposite; I never had to learn such things, cause it all comes instinctively to me. When I'm connected to someone I care for, I can physically feel them, their emotions, even at a distance. Check out the "Affective Empathy" part of this article, especially regarding hyper-empathy: https://the-art-of-autism.com/autistic- ... eal-story/

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE builds RESILIENCE...

Optimism goes a long way.



Doesn't seem so traditional to me.
Thank you... I will take your comment as a compliment...For you are right, i try my best to keep my expectations of our marriage reasonable...Perhaps not reasonable to an NT but to someone on the spectrum...



I bet he will not regularly tell you how much he loves you and things like that. That's what NTs typically expect in a relationship, and which NDs seldom will deliver. Well, he might do it if it becomes like a ritual for him, but then he will say it for all the wrong reasons.
I am self-confident enough that i don't need constant reassurances of his true love for me...(This is probably because i see it in his attitude and his actions towards me everyday)...In fact, i rarely ask him about our relationship--if he loves me, if he is happy with me, and the like...And when i do, it feels good to hear his affirmative responses with no hesitation whatsoever...However, it feels even better that he is hearing himself acknowledge his love for me...
So, just continue to enjoy his unusual ways to please you.
Thank you...I will...And well stated: "To please" ME...Because my beloved husband was very solicited by ladies of all age groups...With 190 lbs of lean muscle (each shoulder is 20 inches wide) at 6 ft tall, he had various options...Yet, he chose ME...For ME, he became monogamous...And though he had at least two long-term relationships long before me, he chose ME to marry for the first-time...This is what TRUE LOVE entails...Doing things that we don't necessarily like to do, but we do anyway, to please each other...And this applies to NTs and ASDs alike...It is called COMPROMISE...


Don't we draw just anybody that is even remotely interested into our special interests?
In the case of my beloved husband, he will call a long-distance friend or long-distance relative to discuss politics (one of his interests), for example...Because he does not wants to bother ME...Overtime, he has learned that it is no bother at all...Quite the contrary, he now knows he is welcome to share his interests with me...


I don't think he needed to learn that. It comes natural to me if I'm bonded to somebody.

I think unconditional love is rather rare among NTs. It's always "what can I offer and what can you offer?", and when this equation goes into a mismatch, NTs typically go looking for new partners.

Are you sure you are NT?

Sorry to intrude...But as an NT, I can attest to hurtloan being RIGHT...

I am sorry rdos...In this respect, you have misunderstood NTs...Please double-check your sources...