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When a woman rejects someone

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rdos
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13 Jan 2021, 9:48 am

cberg wrote:
Your animosity is moot, our discussion is about real sexist tropes & not your forcing us to deal with anything.


Agreed. The opinion that males must suffer from repeated rejection by females quite obviously is sexist.

cberg wrote:
Being an as*hole to single dudes is pretty much the definition of sexist feminism.


Agreed again.



Fnord
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13 Jan 2021, 9:50 am

rdos wrote:
Fnord wrote:
rdos wrote:
Fnord wrote:
It all comes down to women choosing whom they will date, and the men they reject learning to deal with it.
I suppose that's easy for somebody that already is in an LTR to say. I'd bet you'd have a different opinion if you were single and 25.  And my opinion in the matter is that if you as a male don't want to deal with repeated rejection then you simply avoid seeking casual sex and only involve in serious stuff in the relationship area.  That's always how I've acted, and I don't think I ever got rejected by a woman.
Then our discussion is moot.
How come? Does my opinion about rejection become less relevant because I didn't suffer from repeated rejection since I did it in a better way than those that did?
Do my posts about having success in both career and romance render irrelevant my own opinions regarding how to achieve those successes?  If my opinions do not matter, then those same opinions expressed by others do not matter either; but if those opinions matter when posted by others, then they matter when I post them too.



Fnord
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13 Jan 2021, 9:55 am

rdos wrote:
cberg wrote:
Your animosity is moot, our discussion is about real sexist tropes & not your forcing us to deal with anything.
Agreed.  The opinion that males must suffer from repeated rejection by females quite obviously is sexist.
Who said that males must suffer?  Pain is inevitable; misery is optional.
rdos wrote:
cberg wrote:
Being an as*hole to single dudes is pretty much the definition of sexist feminism.
Agreed again.
So ... are you both saying that a woman who rejects a man is being an "as*hole"?  If so, that is misogyny.



cberg
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13 Jan 2021, 9:55 am

It's the saying nasty s**t part we take issue with.

I don't really want anything to do with this culture of haves & have-nots.


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rdos
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13 Jan 2021, 9:58 am

Fnord wrote:
Do my posts about having success in both career and romance render irrelevant my own opinions regarding how to achieve those successes?  If my opinions do not matter, then those same opinions expressed by others do not matter either; but if those opinions matter when posted by others, then they matter when I post them too.


As long as you are not complaining when people reject your methods as unsuitable for NDs, I feel you have a right to express whatever you feel is right. :mrgreen:



KT67
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13 Jan 2021, 10:00 am

rdos wrote:
cberg wrote:
Your animosity is moot, our discussion is about real sexist tropes & not your forcing us to deal with anything.


Agreed. The opinion that males must suffer from repeated rejection by females quite obviously is sexist.

cberg wrote:
Being an as*hole to single dudes is pretty much the definition of sexist feminism.


Agreed again.


Everyone should learn how to accept rejection without getting physical in getting someone to change their mind.


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Fnord
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13 Jan 2021, 10:03 am

rdos wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Do my posts about having success in both career and romance render irrelevant my own opinions regarding how to achieve those successes?  If my opinions do not matter, then those same opinions expressed by others do not matter either; but if those opinions matter when posted by others, then they matter when I post them too.
As long as you are not complaining when people reject your methods as unsuitable for NDs, I feel you have a right to express whatever you feel is right.
I must admit that the methods I employ have not, do not, and will not work for everyone (especially those who never try them); but I must also admit that those very same methods do work.



cberg
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13 Jan 2021, 10:05 am

Something I've realized lately is that I may have dodged a bullet via not participating in a dating culture with no civility such as this.

I just don't even want to know anymore. :shrug:

People are less accepting of our autism than we are of the inevitable rejections, women talk about the exact same thing here anyway.


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rdos
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13 Jan 2021, 10:09 am

Fnord wrote:
rdos wrote:
cberg wrote:
Your animosity is moot, our discussion is about real sexist tropes & not your forcing us to deal with anything.
Agreed.  The opinion that males must suffer from repeated rejection by females quite obviously is sexist.
Who said that males must suffer?  Pain is inevitable; misery is optional.


Believe it or not, but some males, and probably many ND males, in particular, do suffer from rejection, and so the opinion that this is inevitable makes it sexist (given that it is gender-related).

Fnord wrote:
rdos wrote:
cberg wrote:
Being an as*hole to single dudes is pretty much the definition of sexist feminism.
Agreed again.
So ... are you both saying that a woman who rejects a man is being an "as*hole"?  If so, that is misogyny.


Nope, it's the opinion that single dudes are as*holes regardless of their actions that is sexist feminism. It's similar to the claim that being a white, middle-aged man automatically making you a pig and less worth.



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13 Jan 2021, 10:10 am

KT67 wrote:
Everyone should learn how to accept rejection without getting physical in getting someone to change their mind.
When I finally learned this, I also discovered that a cheerful smile after rejection often confused the hell out of the women who had rejected me.  It seems almost as if they were expecting a different reaction, like open hostility, abject devastation, or pitiful begging...

" :) 'Good-bye'? :) Oh, I'm sorry to hear you say that; but thank you for being so pleasant. :)   Have a nice day! :) "

(They usually said something like, "Wait, let's talk about this!" as if they could not understand what had just happened.)

:lol:



Fnord
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13 Jan 2021, 10:17 am

rdos wrote:
Fnord wrote:
rdos wrote:
cberg wrote:
Your animosity is moot, our discussion is about real sexist tropes & not your forcing us to deal with anything.
Agreed.  The opinion that males must suffer from repeated rejection by females quite obviously is sexist.
Who said that males must suffer?  Pain is inevitable; misery is optional.
Believe it or not, but some males, and probably many ND males, in particular, do suffer from rejection, and so the opinion that this is inevitable makes it sexist (given that it is gender-related).
Please note that I did not say "rejection is inevitable", but that pain is.  Whether that pain is from being dumped by a woman or being struck by a dump-truck, it is going to happen.  Wallowing in one's pain, however, and posting multiple threads describing that same pain over and over again is optional.
rdos wrote:
Fnord wrote:
rdos wrote:
cberg wrote:
Being an as*hole to single dudes is pretty much the definition of sexist feminism.
Agreed again.
So ... are you both saying that a woman who rejects a man is being an "as*hole"?  If so, that is misogyny.
Nope, it's the opinion that single dudes are as*holes regardless of their actions that is sexist feminism. It's similar to the claim that being a white, middle-aged man automatically making you a pig and less worth.
Ah.  Now I see.  Thank you.



rdos
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13 Jan 2021, 10:24 am

Fnord wrote:
I must admit that the methods I employ have not, do not, and will not work for everyone (especially those who never try them); but I must also admit that those very same methods do work.


You are implying that people actually want to try your methods, and when they don't, you will accuse them of various stuff like being misogynists. Given that your advice implies they must learn to deal with NT culture and that rejection is "part of the game", I think quite a lot of NDs actually would not want to take your advice unless they had no other alternative.



magz
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13 Jan 2021, 10:26 am

Please, refrain from personal accusations.


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Fnord
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13 Jan 2021, 10:28 am

rdos wrote:
Fnord wrote:
I must admit that the methods I employ have not, do not, and will not work for everyone (especially those who never try them); but I must also admit that those very same methods do work.
You are implying that people actually want to try your methods...
I made no such implication; so please do not make the inference.  Thank you.



KT67
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13 Jan 2021, 10:35 am

The pain of being rejected is bad (for either sex/any gender/any sexuality).

But the pain of being afraid to say no and being coerced into a sexual situation is far worse than that.

Bear in mind a lot of these guys don't care about what a woman's sexuality is. Imagine if it was a gay bloke, not a stereotypical one but a (I'll use a stereotype here but not the one homophobes go to right away) big bear type. If he didn't understand when men said 'I don't fancy that' or when men winced away from him in fear after he came onto them.

Just wait for the yes.

Doesn't come? It'll hurt. But it's not actual trauma.

Treat women as people & the women you're into as people you really care about and this stuff becomes blindingly obvious. I don't hit on women who I don't want the absolute best for, if they don't see their happiness with me then I'm sad but move on.


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Fnord
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13 Jan 2021, 10:36 am

KT67 wrote:
The pain of being rejected is bad (for either sex/any gender/any sexuality).

But the pain of being afraid to say no and being coerced into a sexual situation is far worse than that.

Bear in mind a lot of these guys don't care about what a woman's sexuality is. Imagine if it was a gay bloke, not a stereotypical one but a (I'll use a stereotype here but not the one homophobes go to right away) big bear type. If he didn't understand when men said 'I don't fancy that' or when men winced away from him in fear after he came onto them.

Just wait for the yes.

Doesn't come? It'll hurt. But it's not actual trauma.

Treat women as people & the women you're into as people you really care about and this stuff becomes blindingly obvious. I don't hit on women who I don't want the absolute best for, if they don't see their happiness with me then I'm sad but move on.
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