Looks, Intellect, moral character, interests, personality?

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Papillon
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01 Aug 2007, 5:59 pm

autisticdiva wrote:
I was curious to get some input as to what is most important to men when it comes to what is important to them in a relationship with a woman. I have in the past been approached by NT men who were clearly interested because they liked my outer appearance but then things inevitably fizzled out. I have a friend with AS who claims that looks don't matter at all to him, but I don't think that's really true. How would you rank the following in order of importance; looks, intellect, moral character, interests, personality. I have a male friend with AS who claims that he doesn't notice how women look but then I find out that he's looking at pornography on-line so that can't be true. I just cannot believe that any man could truthfully say that he doesn't notice how a woman looks.


diva,

I can't clearly say how important and in what rank to hold these values you mention here but I can give you what I feel about the aspects I look for in a partner:

Looks:
To me, good looks tell me she has pride in her appearance and in her health. When I notice all the good habits in her grooming and keeping the good looks and good health, I find her all the more appealing.

Intellect:
Whatever her level of education may be, it is with the intellectual types that I find easiest to strike-up and carry a conversation in a way that contradicts my shyness. High intelligence is a quality I admire greatly and with that factor in mind, I feel more comfortable being able to educate her about my "tic" as well as to be accommodating to her about it. Intelligence when applied in a positive way tends to come with more open-mindedness and better tolerance to those who are disadvantaged in some ways -for example when it come to being in the company of a nice guy who comes across as "being a little odd". It also says a lot about what kind of company she keeps and what kind of people she surrounds herself with. I know myself to be very intelligent, albeit a little odd, and I think it only appropriate to match up with somebody else who shares that attribute.

OTOH, if I can't strike up and carry a conversation with her, then I come to the conclusion that my chances are not good with her.

Moral character:
If her moral values are anything like how I was brought up to be (and I come from a good Catholic family), then all the more likely I will maintain the interest and continue to explore the relationship as far as it will go.

Interests:
This is probably the attribute I hold in highest importance. If she has a lot of the same interests and same passions as I, then there are all the more chances her and I can enjoy sharing time, and with that, I feel the better the chances for the relationship to really "light-up".

Personality:
This is the stage where my family and my friends become my most important allies. Having the right social skills, making a good impression, passing that part and getting nothing but positive feedback from all those observers will only confirm that I've made a good choice. That especially goes for me too in passing all of her family and friends' parameters.


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pbcoll
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02 Aug 2007, 12:57 am

For most men, I would say looks are the most important thing, the least important probably would be intellect. For me, personality is the most important thing, looks the least important of things in the list. of course I'd like a gf whose looks I liked (I think those who say they don't even notice looks are just lying) but I have other priorities. In fact, exceptionally good looks (esp. the more media-favoured type) actually tend to put me off, because in my experience they are always already taken (then again, practically all girls I meet IRL are already taken). I think regarding looks the type that would put me off the most would be looking a v different age from me (younger or older). For personality, the most off-putting for me would be airheads and drama queens.


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calandale
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02 Aug 2007, 3:07 pm

Already taken's ok.



The_Chosen_One
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03 Aug 2007, 7:03 am

No it isn't. Stick to the freebies.


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calandale
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03 Aug 2007, 2:19 pm

The_Chosen_One wrote:
No it isn't. Stick to the freebies.


Why? I met my loves all through friends.
Often their boyfriends. Things wouldn't
be going well, and it's an easy way to
offer an out, with less pain. Never lost
a friend this way, by the way. Usually
done with honor and grace.



Brundisium
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04 Aug 2007, 8:27 am

I'll be totally honest with you.

Looks are important to men, we're visual creatures.

However it's not the be all end all and that's certainly not to say that it's always THE most important thing.

Plus different men, find different women attractive, so it's really relative.

I think you'll find that most guys will be completely turned off if they start talking to an attractive woman only to find that she's a complete airhead or really bitchy.

We look for most of the same things that are important to women, we just view them in a different light and they're never in any particular order, it just needs to be the right mix of said traits.

I'd say that what men want is:

personality (in that she has to be the type of girl that particular man is looking for, not some archetypal stereotype of a "good personality")

looks (again, in that she has to have the sort of look that particular man wants, because contrary to popular belief we don't all want 6 foot blondes with all the "right" measurements, different men of all shapes and sizes like different women of all shapes and sizes)

intelligence (no man can handle a bimbo for long, no matter what he might say)

fun (all important! some women are sometimes so obsessed with being serious about the relationship that they forget to just have some lighthearted fun with their boyfriend)

and compromise (men have to do man things with the boys and usually have no problem with their girlfriend doing girl things with their own friends, make an attempt to understand the nature of men and the things they want out of life and you'll find them much more willing to understand and make concessions for your own needs, we get tired of always having to cave in and say you're right)

However with all this said, men have a million flaws of their own when it comes to relationships and there is a LOT that we have yet to generally understand.

:lol:


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Danielismyname
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04 Aug 2007, 8:37 am

Gun skills. I'm too scared to shoot myself.



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04 Aug 2007, 9:13 am

Danielismyname wrote:
Gun skills. I'm too scared to shoot myself.
I hope that doesn't mean you feel really depressed right now. :cry:


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calandale
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04 Aug 2007, 10:24 am

Danielismyname wrote:
Gun skills. I'm too scared to shoot myself.


My wife offered to help me kill myself.
One of the most touching things. Bothered
me that she made the same offer to at
least one other person.



gwenevyn
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04 Aug 2007, 11:22 am

Ah... why is it that the most beautiful people are tempted from time to time, to die? :(



techstepgenr8tion
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04 Aug 2007, 1:55 pm

I've got another one

Maturity: she knows what she wants, she also knows that its a blessing if someone else is really looking out for her, has her back, and genuinely wants to be a positive contributing part of her life - she'll do the same right back and if she gets any odd whims one morning when the infatuation falls off she won't get any weird ideas to jump ship or find herself another guy just because she's not getting the 'running through the fields' feeling that she used to.



Pugly
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04 Aug 2007, 1:58 pm

I'd lump maturity in with personality... and it's of utmost importance.

Actually the way you describe Maturity sounds ideal...


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gwenevyn
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04 Aug 2007, 2:14 pm

techstepgenr8tion wrote:
I've got another one

Maturity: she knows what she wants, she also knows that its a blessing if someone else is really looking out for her, has her back, and genuinely wants to be a positive contributing part of her life - she'll do the same right back and if she gets any odd whims one morning when the infatuation falls off she won't get any weird ideas to jump ship or find herself another guy just because she's not getting the 'running through the fields' feeling that she used to.


I really like that, too.

I just need to get the "knows what she wants" part down.



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04 Aug 2007, 2:18 pm

techstepgenr8tion wrote:
I've got another one

Maturity: she knows what she wants, she also knows that its a blessing if someone else is really looking out for her, has her back, and genuinely wants to be a positive contributing part of her life - she'll do the same right back and if she gets any odd whims one morning when the infatuation falls off she won't get any weird ideas to jump ship or find herself another guy just because she's not getting the 'running through the fields' feeling that she used to.


I'll second that one too!


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calandale
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04 Aug 2007, 3:12 pm

Sometimes knowing what one wants
is too inhibiting. I know it's become that
way for me.



Brundisium
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04 Aug 2007, 9:23 pm

gwenevyn wrote:
techstepgenr8tion wrote:
I've got another one

Maturity: she knows what she wants, she also knows that its a blessing if someone else is really looking out for her, has her back, and genuinely wants to be a positive contributing part of her life - she'll do the same right back and if she gets any odd whims one morning when the infatuation falls off she won't get any weird ideas to jump ship or find herself another guy just because she's not getting the 'running through the fields' feeling that she used to.


I really like that, too.

I just need to get the "knows what she wants" part down.


I think techstepgenr8tion has a good one there too.

Although I don't think it's so much to do with having everything in their lives figured out, it just means that they need to know that they want a relationship and be ready to work through things and work to stay in love, 'cause it's not always peaches and cream.


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