autisticdiva wrote:
I was curious to get some input as to what is most important to men when it comes to what is important to them in a relationship with a woman. I have in the past been approached by NT men who were clearly interested because they liked my outer appearance but then things inevitably fizzled out. I have a friend with AS who claims that looks don't matter at all to him, but I don't think that's really true. How would you rank the following in order of importance; looks, intellect, moral character, interests, personality. I have a male friend with AS who claims that he doesn't notice how women look but then I find out that he's looking at pornography on-line so that can't be true. I just cannot believe that any man could truthfully say that he doesn't notice how a woman looks.
diva,
I can't clearly say how important and in what rank to hold these values you mention here but I can give you what I feel about the aspects I look for in a partner:
Looks:
To me, good looks tell me she has pride in her appearance and in her health. When I notice all the good habits in her grooming and keeping the good looks and good health, I find her all the more appealing.
Intellect:
Whatever her level of education may be, it is with the intellectual types that I find easiest to strike-up and carry a conversation in a way that contradicts my shyness. High intelligence is a quality I admire greatly and with that factor in mind, I feel more comfortable being able to educate her about my "tic" as well as to be accommodating to her about it. Intelligence when applied in a positive way tends to come with more open-mindedness and better tolerance to those who are disadvantaged in some ways -for example when it come to being in the company of a nice guy who comes across as "being a little odd". It also says a lot about what kind of company she keeps and what kind of people she surrounds herself with. I know myself to be very intelligent, albeit a little odd, and I think it only appropriate to match up with somebody else who shares that attribute.
OTOH, if I can't strike up and carry a conversation with her, then I come to the conclusion that my chances are not good with her.
Moral character:
If her moral values are anything like how I was brought up to be (and I come from a good Catholic family), then all the more likely I will maintain the interest and continue to explore the relationship as far as it will go.
Interests:
This is probably the attribute I hold in highest importance. If she has a lot of the same interests and same passions as I, then there are all the more chances her and I can enjoy sharing time, and with that, I feel the better the chances for the relationship to really "light-up".
Personality:
This is the stage where my family and my friends become my most important allies. Having the right social skills, making a good impression, passing that part and getting nothing but positive feedback from all those observers will only confirm that I've made a good choice. That especially goes for me too in passing all of her family and friends' parameters.
_________________
If "manners maketh man" as someone said
Then he's the hero of the day
It takes a man to suffer ignorance and smile
Be yourself no matter what they say
**Sting, Englishman In New York