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What might have been

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dorkseid
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14 Feb 2022, 3:14 pm

Double Retired wrote:
By the time I was 40 I had given up on finding a significant other.

When I was 42 I met a nice gal at a party and we had a wonderful conversation. There were some geographical and schedule issues so after the party I figured I would likely never see her again. She tells me she was disappointed I didn't ask for her phone number—which is something this Aspie would've been far too timid to do.

A few months later she needed a favor and realized it was something I could probably do for her, and she had enough information to find me. She called me only planning to request that favor, but during the call I noticed something else I could do to help her...but that required us to meet...which I was quite willing to do but I additionally worked dinner out into it.

We'll be celebrating our 22nd anniversary soon!

My suggestion to you: Don't give up. Just be nice to the gals, not predatory, and be someone they can rely on when they need help with something.


And I knew a guy who never did find anyone until he eventually died from suicide.

Statistics point to your story being the exceptional one.



FairyFox
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14 Feb 2022, 3:22 pm

try to find new ways how to contact women.. I know, online dating can be pest.. but the possibility of finding your half is worth it.



The_Face_of_Boo
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14 Feb 2022, 5:07 pm

FairyFox wrote:
just imagine having diabetes and try fasting ala Ramadan...
very old, pregnant and breastfeeding women, children up to 12 I think..


Diabetic muslims are exempt from fasting in Ramadan; same for pregnant, breastfeeding and women in period.

I know, because I was one and still living among them.



The_Face_of_Boo
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14 Feb 2022, 5:16 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
To me, there are cool aspects of Islam, as well as not-so-cool aspects.

Their view of "alms" is most admirable.


The islamic code entails that the entire purpose of human existence is to worship God.

A disastrous recipe for backwardness and halting progress.



cyberdad
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14 Feb 2022, 5:44 pm

dorkseid wrote:

And I knew a guy who never did find anyone until he eventually died from suicide.

Statistics point to your story being the exceptional one.


You are clearly grabbing at the wrong role models for your own frustrations. Don't use statistics justify why some people think about suicide. There are specific reasons why some young men go down this road.

I'll go back to what I said before, all people go through times when the odds are stacked up against them. Most come through the other end. It just takes a combination of self-motivation and effort.

If, however, you are entertaining suicidal thoughts then this forum is not the place you should be looking for answers. Please go seek professional help immediately.



dorkseid
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14 Feb 2022, 6:45 pm

cyberdad wrote:
I'll go back to what I said before, all people go through times when the odds are stacked up against them. Most come through the other end. It just takes a combination of self-motivation and effort.


The problem is that it is already too late for me to come through the other end because of my age. Nothing I can do about that.



Double Retired
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14 Feb 2022, 7:09 pm

dorkseid wrote:
Statistics point to your story being the exceptional one.
Agreed...but the goal is to try to tilt the odds to improve the statistics.

FairyFox gave a good suggestion...
FairyFox wrote:
try to find new ways how to contact women.
Put the emphasis on new. Go places you normally don't.

But, when you get there don't turn the gals off by acting desperate or predatory. Be a good friend to the gals and then perhaps, maybe, possibly your story can also become an exceptional one. But even without romance some of them might turn out to be good friends. That could at least make life more pleasant.


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dorkseid
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14 Feb 2022, 7:16 pm

Double Retired wrote:
dorkseid wrote:
Statistics point to your story being the exceptional one.
Agreed...but the goal is to try to tilt the odds to improve the statistics.

FairyFox gave a good suggestion...
FairyFox wrote:
try to find new ways how to contact women.
Put the emphasis on new. Go places you normally don't.

But, when you get there don't turn the gals off by acting desperate or predatory. Be a good friend to the gals and then perhaps, maybe, possibly your story can also become an exceptional one. But even without romance some of them might turn out to be good friends. That could at least make life more pleasant.


And what new ways are there left? I tried online dating. I tried meeting women through school and work. I tried going to social events. I tried meeting women through mutual friends. And none of these worked.

And I've also tried being a friend first, and I can attest from personal experience that never works.

So again I ask, what new ways to find women are there left for me to try?! !

And besides, even if there was some other method I haven't tried yet; it wouldn't make a difference at this point, because as I've already explained it is too late for me at this age.



Double Retired
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14 Feb 2022, 7:24 pm

Volunteer somewhere? Take a class?


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dorkseid
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17 Feb 2022, 6:13 pm

Double Retired wrote:
Volunteer somewhere? Take a class?


I just finished grad school in December. I've been in plenty of classes.



Double Retired
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17 Feb 2022, 7:30 pm

I was thinking of less serious classes. (I hope grad school went well!)


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dorkseid
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21 Feb 2022, 10:19 am

I feel like if I told you I took origami classes you'd say tell me to go to grad school. What difference does it make?

At any rate, my age makes too late for any of that. I'm too far behind the curb in life experience for women my age and too old for younger women.



Double Retired
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21 Feb 2022, 12:45 pm

Actually, origami class might be better. I'm thinking of classes you don't have to take very seriously and where you would meet other people. Nothing oriented toward a degree or a profession.

Casual classes in your interest areas might be best for finding other people with the same interest.


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dorkseid
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21 Feb 2022, 4:05 pm

Double Retired wrote:
Actually, origami class might be better. I'm thinking of classes you don't have to take very seriously and where you would meet other people. Nothing oriented toward a degree or a profession.

Casual classes in your interest areas might be best for finding other people with the same interest.


Every time I try something like that I still only meet married women.

And besides, even if I do meet women there's still the age gap problem.



cyberdad
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21 Feb 2022, 4:11 pm

dorkseid wrote:
Double Retired wrote:
Actually, origami class might be better. I'm thinking of classes you don't have to take very seriously and where you would meet other people. Nothing oriented toward a degree or a profession.

Casual classes in your interest areas might be best for finding other people with the same interest.


Every time I try something like that I still only meet married women.

And besides, even if I do meet women there's still the age gap problem.


I assume you go to parties where there are other married Libyans? surely they know single girls?



r00tb33r
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21 Feb 2022, 4:30 pm

cyberdad wrote:
dorkseid wrote:
Double Retired wrote:
Actually, origami class might be better. I'm thinking of classes you don't have to take very seriously and where you would meet other people. Nothing oriented toward a degree or a profession.

Casual classes in your interest areas might be best for finding other people with the same interest.


Every time I try something like that I still only meet married women.

And besides, even if I do meet women there's still the age gap problem.


I assume you go to parties where there are other married Libyans? surely they know single girls?

I'm sure it was mentioned in the past but realistically dating a foreign woman is likely his best shot. I mentioned it recently and he ignored it entirely.