My gf seems to be bothered that I am 'white and privileged'.

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White people did some awful things in the past. Just like PEOPLE have always done horrible things to other PEOPLE. Race isn't the issue until someone MAKES it an issue. Southern slavery, Jim Crow laws, etc. are all examples of that.

But when "whiteness" is assumed to be a causative factor of oppression, what you have is an abject failure of logic. There's no excuse for the oppression of indigenous peoples. Now, if for the sake of argument fighting the Indians was in self-defense (British instigation of attacks against colonists, for example), American natives don't get to cry victim when colonists retaliate. The PRESENCE of British colonists and whether they had any right to be there is another topic for debate. But the little bit of history class I recall is that early on the French established mutually beneficial trade with the natives and relations were great for some time. The Spanish, OTOH, seem to have more of the conquering spirit. North American indigenous seem to have largely benefited from European presence in the long term, and the USA had to learn some very painful lessons along the way with regard to the treatment of indigenous.

You can say white people are inherently racist all you want. But when you consider how protected Native Americans are now and how much access they have to opportunities--actually, even MORE access than many white people--I'd say Native American victimhood in the present day context is irrelevant to the level that it might now be considered mere myth.

I'll give you an actual example of what I mean. I know someone who teaches band at a tribal school. Tribal schools get beaucoup cash for programs. My friend outfits ALL her clarinet students with Buffet R13's. That might not mean much to most people, but the R13 is kinda the Steinway of clarinets. It's a workhorse clarinet normally reserved for college and professional level clarinetists, something like a high-performance Ford F150 or Dodge RAM, or equivalent to a Cadillac sedan. Anyone who IS anyone plays on them, despite there also being a number of Bentley/Rolls-Royce level instruments. But there are also a large number of clarinets out there that are more like your cheap sub-compact cars, or your old beaters that get you back and forth to work or school. Those are your plastic, beginner horns. R13's will run you over $3500, and not 20 years ago it was around half that. A top-of-the-line Backun Alpha made out of ABS can be had for less than $1000. These Native American kids are getting pro-level, wooden clarinets for MARCHING BAND. And...if are NOT a band director for a tribal school and you have a clarinet player in your beginner band, you call my friend and she can connect your student with a pro-grade horn.

I'm not knocking it or criticizing it, I'm just relating plain old facts. My middle-class, white butt had to wait for a family member to die before I could trade up in COLLEGE. We never had those kinds of resources. And I guarantee if my next job is in a public school and I get wind that I have Native American students, heck yeah, I'm hooking them up with nothing less than the very best. Not because I feel sorry for them, but because I want a championship band that outperforms the next district, and I don't want equipment getting in the way. You want to talk about privilege? Here it is. The only real "privilege" us "white people" get is the privilege to send Native Americans our tax money. I don't envy Native Americans for that. I'm not bitter towards anyone, and my tone isn't meant to imply that I have a problem with it. My point is that the situation we have today is radically different than the situation in the 1800's. I'm not going to be bothered with feeling guilty for something I bear no responsibility for, especially if we're investing that much money in the native community to improve conditions as much as they are right now.

I only have one thing to say to that.
Why the hell are they even together in the first place?

I don't think you are making a big deal about this at all. This is a major sh-t test on her part. I think you are handling it just fine.

This was buried at the bottom of the previous page. Just quoting it to bring it to people's attention because it made some important points IMO.

You don't think NT privilege can be a genuine source of actual difficulty in a relationship???

Last edited by Mona Pereth on 11 Feb 2022, 3:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I'd imagine the first half of what I said covers why they're together but the second half covers why it might be less prone to lasting.

Funny, I seem to recall certain protesters being treated with kid gloves compared to how indigenous or black majority movements get treated, for just a single example.

I have a friend who is a lot like what the OP describes. Also female, but white instead of Native American. I am also white, but have some Asian and Jewish descent also. I agree that it’s sooo annoying having someone remind you of your “privilege” constantly…

She’s “bothered” because he’s “white and privileged.” You can’t blame the guy for being white….and one cannot assume that he is “privileged.”

I don’t see any evidence that the OP disrespected his girlfriend because she has some indigenous ancestry. If he did do that, then it would be justified for her to express her outrage at that.

Just like I’m not “bothered” because my wife is black; she shouldn’t be “bothered” because I’m white.

Aside from skin color, how do various movements differ?

By responding, I'm simply giving you the benefit of the doubt. I don't believe everything I see on any news channel or on the internet. I think the facts/opinions we get of current events lacks enough context for anyone to form a reasonable, consistent idea of what's happening. We shape reality in our minds based on what we more/less want it to be. I don't like being sold a narrative.

They differ in terms of goals, some focus on civil rights or related concerns while others are organized by far-right extremists and don't demand any sort of substantial long-term change. I don't believe the issue is as simple as only being about race, but at the same time some of those who work forces...

Apparently the issue of "white privilege" is coming up in the context of the OP laughing at jokes that his girlfriend finds offensive. See this post. Apparently it's NOT just coming up at random moments merely because he happens to be white. Offhand, my guess is that she brings up "white privilege" as the likely reason why he doesn't understand why she is offended by the jokes that she is offended by. (ironpony, is that correct?)

I would hazard a guess that she brought up "white privilege" in response to you trying to argue her out of (perhaps even shame her out of) being offended by whatever she was offended by. Is that correct?

If so, it would make perfect sense for her to want you to stop telling her not to be offended. And it would make perfect sense (to me) for her to want you to admit that white privilege is the reason you don't understand why she was offended.

I assume ironpny solved this issue with his g/f?

Not just goals, but in their means of achieving them. If we accept the premise that all whites are racist, then the decline of the KKK is complicated by being driven underground or into legitimacy BY WHITE PEOPLE. In other words, their white supremacy is too much even for other white people. But it’s not their ideas that make being a Klansman a prosecutable offense, but their tendency towards violence, intimidation, and even murder. Are certain segments of the population, and it doesn’t necessarily need to be restricted to racial divisions, known to be culturally predisposed towards violence? For example—is it racist that Italian men are disproportionately locked up for organized crime because they happen to be associated with the Mafia? Or is it anti-Semitic to prosecute a Jew for running a Ponzi scheme? They make Ponzi schemes illegal because they know that only wealth Jews on Wall Street do that sort of thing. Therefore, we must legalize Ponzi schemes because laws forbidding them unfairly target Jews.

I tend to think this is absurd, and it’s not even parsimonious. It’s easier to explain that a minority within a minority is culturally violent than it is to say a hegemony is systemically racist and oppressive when reason demonstrates otherwise.

Hi ironpony - I know someone who makes me feel as your girlfriend does toward you. BUT, I tend to gently mention the fact that certain people are continually treated a certain way and mention certain examples of this, in order to educate. eg I know someone who has never felt that women are underpaid or treated any diferently to men in the workplace, whereas, I know differently. This also goes for people of colour and people who are transgender(as a recent family member disclosed). I am very much an introvert, but believe in gently reminding others of how some people genuinely are discriminated against on an all too regular basis. It doesn't hurt to acknowledge this and to show that you care about what's going on out there in the world.

Relationship-wise, showing genuine compassion for those who do come up against it more often than not, will help your girlfriend feel closer to you. Otherwise, it may be best to focus on other topics of conversation. Those who care for us, want to be reassured that we have genuine empathy for those who suffer in life(and yes, we on the spectrum are certainly up against it too!). No question about that, unless we're VERY good at masking and accepting the burnout that invariable accompanies that.

Reassure her that you care very much(if you do) that you wish everyone could live in harmony and be treated with the same level of respect as each the other. Women need to know you "care" ... about them, about your relationship with them and others, about people generally. If your girlfriend, knows of your diagnosis and any struggles you might have, then hopefully, she will accept you for who you are and not make life any harder than it already is.