dorkseid wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
Ugh, here we go. Autistic people like honesty and direct answers. You be honest and direct with them and they get all offended and take it to heart. No wonder NTs lie. I'm with the NTs on that one. It's easier to lie and keep people happy than to tell the truth and offend everyone.
You said you'd like to see women's perspectives, so I gave you mine. How I feel isn't the same as every other woman (Aspie or not) on this planet feels. I'm not saying you (and all other Aspie guys) are undesirable or unworthy of love. It's just MY opinion on the matter. I wasn't criticising you or telling you to change.
I'd like to hear you have a girlfriend. I hope you do find a girlfriend.
You misunderstand: I'm not offended by you. As you said, you're just being honest about the reality of my situation. And that reality is that my autism makes me undesirable and unlovable. That is not your fault.
That's all right then, as I didn't want to make you feel worse about yourself. Autism does suck, that's why I hate being on the spectrum with a passion.
My first boyfriend I ever had was autistic, and I just didn't feel there was any connection even though he would have loved me and cared very deeply about me. He spoke in a monotone voice and distanced himself often without realising. I pictured myself looking after him, which is what I didn't really want. He didn't drive and didn't want children or even pets.
When he first met my parents, he had to go into another room and flap his hands vigorously and make loud groaning and humming noises, and my dad kind of laughed. Also when I wanted to chat about feelings and stuff he'd just sit and rock and I wasn't sure if he was listening or not.
But that doesn't mean he is unworthy of love. The same goes to you. I think people with more severe autism symptoms need another person with noticeable autism symptoms or even someone with down's syndrome or other ND. They're more likely to tolerate the autistic differences.
I have ADHD, and usually women with ADHD are overexpressive and affectionate and chatty but also self-conscious and overemotional and so might overwhelm a guy with autism but not ADHD. Or a guy with autism might overwhelm a woman with ADHD.
Sometimes I feel unworthy of friendships and it depresses me. I find it hard to find the balance between aloof and intrusive, and when you make friends you have to push yourself but I get reluctant to push myself in case I come off as intrusive, but then if I don't push myself enough then I'm afraid of coming off too aloof. NT girls notice this social awkwardness and don't help you none. Maybe they notice the same social awkwardness in Aspie guys which is why they can't get dates as easily.
NT guys are much easier to approach, in my opinion.
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Female