Is looking for autistic women a realistic option?

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Joe90
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17 Feb 2022, 12:13 am

dorkseid wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
Ugh, here we go. Autistic people like honesty and direct answers. You be honest and direct with them and they get all offended and take it to heart. No wonder NTs lie. I'm with the NTs on that one. It's easier to lie and keep people happy than to tell the truth and offend everyone.

You said you'd like to see women's perspectives, so I gave you mine. How I feel isn't the same as every other woman (Aspie or not) on this planet feels. I'm not saying you (and all other Aspie guys) are undesirable or unworthy of love. It's just MY opinion on the matter. I wasn't criticising you or telling you to change.
I'd like to hear you have a girlfriend. I hope you do find a girlfriend.


You misunderstand: I'm not offended by you. As you said, you're just being honest about the reality of my situation. And that reality is that my autism makes me undesirable and unlovable. That is not your fault.


That's all right then, as I didn't want to make you feel worse about yourself. Autism does suck, that's why I hate being on the spectrum with a passion.

My first boyfriend I ever had was autistic, and I just didn't feel there was any connection even though he would have loved me and cared very deeply about me. He spoke in a monotone voice and distanced himself often without realising. I pictured myself looking after him, which is what I didn't really want. He didn't drive and didn't want children or even pets.
When he first met my parents, he had to go into another room and flap his hands vigorously and make loud groaning and humming noises, and my dad kind of laughed. Also when I wanted to chat about feelings and stuff he'd just sit and rock and I wasn't sure if he was listening or not.

But that doesn't mean he is unworthy of love. The same goes to you. I think people with more severe autism symptoms need another person with noticeable autism symptoms or even someone with down's syndrome or other ND. They're more likely to tolerate the autistic differences.

I have ADHD, and usually women with ADHD are overexpressive and affectionate and chatty but also self-conscious and overemotional and so might overwhelm a guy with autism but not ADHD. Or a guy with autism might overwhelm a woman with ADHD.

Sometimes I feel unworthy of friendships and it depresses me. I find it hard to find the balance between aloof and intrusive, and when you make friends you have to push yourself but I get reluctant to push myself in case I come off as intrusive, but then if I don't push myself enough then I'm afraid of coming off too aloof. NT girls notice this social awkwardness and don't help you none. Maybe they notice the same social awkwardness in Aspie guys which is why they can't get dates as easily.

NT guys are much easier to approach, in my opinion.


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r00tb33r
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17 Feb 2022, 12:31 am

Joe90 wrote:
NT guys are much easier to approach, in my opinion.

Someone at work said I require domestication. :lol: :lmao:



Mona Pereth
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17 Feb 2022, 11:02 am

Dial1194 wrote:
dorkseid wrote:
All of those methods have already failed me over and over and over and over again.


They're not methods for getting you a girlfriend. They're methods for putting you in the general vicinity of people who might have something in common with you.

If you're going into them with the mindset of going on a girlfriend hunt, you are never going to have success. People in these places aren't going to them looking to be hit on or to hear about how someone has been rejected 947 times in the past. You make yourself attractive, then you go to these places, then it might take months or years before someone decides they themselves are looking, and maybe you'd be a candidate.

A very important point. (This was buried at the bottom of the previous page.)


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dorkseid
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17 Feb 2022, 11:27 am

Mona Pereth wrote:
Dial1194 wrote:
dorkseid wrote:
All of those methods have already failed me over and over and over and over again.


They're not methods for getting you a girlfriend. They're methods for putting you in the general vicinity of people who might have something in common with you.

If you're going into them with the mindset of going on a girlfriend hunt, you are never going to have success. People in these places aren't going to them looking to be hit on or to hear about how someone has been rejected 947 times in the past. You make yourself attractive, then you go to these places, then it might take months or years before someone decides they themselves are looking, and maybe you'd be a candidate.

A very important point. (This was buried at the bottom of the previous page.)


I can't change my genetics.

I can't make myself attractive.



theprisoner
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17 Feb 2022, 11:43 am

How about, instead...

I can't keep making excuses.

I can't keep eating myself into obesity.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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17 Feb 2022, 12:29 pm

There was an old Okcupid experiment proving that obese guys have it worst; even worse than obese women.



Last edited by Cornflake on 18 Feb 2022, 6:32 am, edited 1 time in total.: Removed reference to banned members

The Grand Inquisitor
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17 Feb 2022, 12:49 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
There was an old Okcupid experiment proving that obese guys have it worst; even worse than obese women.

Obesity is defined as a BMI over 30, or in my case as a 180cm male, being heavier than 97kg. Cumulatively throughout my life, I would have had a BMI over 30 for 2 years or less.

Currently, I'm about 100kg, so my BMI is about 31. If I recall correctly, that's similar to kraftiekortie. While people might look at me now and go "that guy's overweight", I don't think anybody would look at my body and categorise me as obese.

This is all to say that I don't think it's fair to lump me in the obese category.



kraftiekortie
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17 Feb 2022, 1:02 pm

At one time, my BMI was about 32. I’m about 165 cm tall, and weighed about 85 kg at the time.

Now, my BMI is about 27, and I weigh about 75 kg.

The avatar is me when I weighed 85 kg.

Picture taken 2/2/2020.



Last edited by kraftiekortie on 17 Feb 2022, 3:45 pm, edited 2 times in total.

dorkseid
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17 Feb 2022, 3:24 pm

theprisoner wrote:
How about, instead...

I can't keep making excuses.

I can't keep eating myself into obesity.


Even if I overcome my depression and eating disorders, I'll still be autistic and broke.

I wasn't obese in my 20s. But women didn't want me then either.



Last edited by dorkseid on 17 Feb 2022, 3:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Mona Pereth
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17 Feb 2022, 3:38 pm

dorkseid wrote:
Even if I overcome my depression and eating disorders, I'll still be autistic and broke.

Hopefully you'll soon get a job as a special ed teacher? Admittedly not a lot of money, but better than being outright broke.

See also my post here.


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dorkseid
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17 Feb 2022, 3:50 pm

Autistic women are also much more likely to be asexual and uninterested in relationships than NT women.

Sorry if I sound shallow, but women who are still never married by my age are typically either extremely picky or extremely unattractive.

Men can become more attractive to women as they get older by achieving career success and social status. But such things don't make women attractive to men if they are not physically attractive.



Joe90
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17 Feb 2022, 4:41 pm

I am attracted to overweight men. :)
My boyfriend is fat. I find it sexy.


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dorkseid
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17 Feb 2022, 4:43 pm

Joe90 wrote:
I am attracted to overweight men. :)
My boyfriend is fat. I find it sexy.


But you've already said you're only attracted to NT men.



theprisoner
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17 Feb 2022, 4:54 pm

Joe90 wrote:
I am attracted to overweight men. :)
My boyfriend is fat. I find it sexy.


What's wrong with abs?
I have semi visible abs,...not quite defined...but I could always get ripped...if I wasn't so lazy. :lol:
Am the only one who admires abs!!?...abs are cool!! ! 8)
Apparently good lower obliques/abs are like the equivalent of cleavage on woman. So says science. :nerdy:


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Joe90
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17 Feb 2022, 4:56 pm

dorkseid wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
I am attracted to overweight men. :)
My boyfriend is fat. I find it sexy.


But you've already said you're only attracted to NT men.


NT men can be overweight too.


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dorkseid
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17 Feb 2022, 6:09 pm

Joe90 wrote:
dorkseid wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
I am attracted to overweight men. :)
My boyfriend is fat. I find it sexy.


But you've already said you're only attracted to NT men.


NT men can be overweight too.


My point is you won't find me attractive because I'm autistic, regardless of my body weight.