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Autistic Functioning Level & Dating Success

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IsabellaLinton
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23 Jun 2022, 11:01 pm

Back to the OP I think it stands to reason that if someone has a lower functioning level, they will have more difficulty in all their social / emotional relationships. A lower functioning level means they have more difficulty in interpersonal relationships, expressing and understanding emotion, demonstrating empathy even when they feel it, dealing with sensory overwhelm, being spontaneous rather than following routines with repetitive behaviour, etc.

It would be the same for men or women (or trans/NB) on the spectrum.

Relationships are really hard work and being autistic doesn’t make them any easier.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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24 Jun 2022, 1:03 am

Where_am_I wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
All my exes and my current partner basically somehow initiated their interest in me.

Women of the world, do us a favor; you do the first move.
Stop wasting our time. lol


But some of us are a lost cause because....



Video is not there. lol



Where_am_I
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24 Jun 2022, 9:15 am

^ How odd!

Ask by The Smiths.


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25 Jun 2022, 3:05 pm

^ I see it now



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26 Jun 2022, 12:57 am

Muse933277 wrote:
I have three theories when it comes to how successful autistic people will do in the dating world, and why some people with autism will go on to have a relatively normal dating life, while others remain romantically and sexually inexperienced for a long time. Here are my three theories.

1. Your overall functioning level has an impact on how romantically successful you will be. The greater support you need, the greater chance of you being romantically unsuccessful.

2. Regardless of your functioning level, if people perceive you as autistic or special needs, you are less likely to be romantically successful compared to someone who appears neurotypical

3. Lower functioning autistic people are more likely to be romantically successful if they pursue others within their own league


Number 3 caught my interest, because in my experience in order to date or get sex, my friends would always say to me why do I keep going for women lower than my league. It's because I wanted to date or have sex, and going lower than my league is how I got it, but do a lot of other autistic people do this as well, in order to be accepted, or maybe guys more so?



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26 Jun 2022, 5:17 am

ironpony wrote:
Number 3 caught my interest, because in my experience in order to date or get sex, my friends would always say to me why do I keep going for women lower than my league. It's because I wanted to date or have sex, and going lower than my league is how I got it, but do a lot of other autistic people do this as well, in order to be accepted, or maybe guys more so?
Cledus T. Judd(the country version of Weird Al Yankovic) tried this approach :lol:


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26 Jun 2022, 5:59 am

ironpony wrote:
Number 3 caught my interest, because in my experience in order to date or get sex, my friends would always say to me why do I keep going for women lower than my league. It's because I wanted to date or have sex, and going lower than my league is how I got it, but do a lot of other autistic people do this as well, in order to be accepted, or maybe guys more so?
Seriously, I don't like the term League because it can be used to cover a wide rage of ccomparisons with the oposite sex. Sometimes it's comarping physical attractiveness, sometimes it's comparing sucessfullness with various life things, & it can be used to compare physical attractiveness in woman to how sucessful guys are with life. I need to know more info to compare leagues. Hower I do know that us autistics tend to struggle more with obtaining & keeping partners than our non-autistic peers do. Even if we're doing well in various areas of physical attractiveness & life, our autism quirks might put a lot of people off. I do believe that we need to anayluze our whole selves & try to try to make sure our standards for partners are reasonable, especially if we majorly struggle with getting relationships & attracting sex partners. Compatibility can be very important. Some people would think that my girlfriend has too many issues & problems & I could do a lot better than her but some other people would think that I have too many issues & problems & she could do a lot better than me depending on what standards the people doing the comparisons are using. We relate, understand, & accept each other better than anyone else has & that's what's important to me.


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IsabellaLinton
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26 Jun 2022, 12:41 pm

League? ^^

Are you a professional athlete? NBA? NHL?


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26 Jun 2022, 1:11 pm

Perhaps league is the wrong word, I just use it because others do. I just meant my friends think I should aim for a certain group. But I find it difficult for that group to accept me because of my autism.



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26 Jun 2022, 1:25 pm

ironpony wrote:
Perhaps league is the wrong word, I just use it because others do.



Words like "league" or "aiming for a certain group" suggest that your friends rank people by class or ability.

Personally, I'd distance myself from people with that mentality.
That kind of language insults you for being autistic, and stereotypes others as better than / worse than you.

Considering you already have friends and you have a girlfriend, it seems you don't need to aim for anyone.


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26 Jun 2022, 4:09 pm

That's true. This is when I was single and just using it as an example on how autistic people probably need to compromise more when choosing a partner compared to some NTs.



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26 Jun 2022, 8:30 pm

ironpony wrote:
That's true. This is when I was single and just using it as an example on how autistic people probably need to compromise more when choosing a partner compared to some NTs.


I relate to this. I did not stop getting dumped until I stopped dating status-seeking people let alone NTs.

Careful not to compromise on the wrong things. The two s**t relationships I was in following finding out about my autism, involved one person who infantilized me and one person who exploited and mentally abused me.


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26 Jun 2022, 10:36 pm

ironpony wrote:

Number 3 caught my interest, because in my experience in order to date or get sex, my friends would always say to me why do I keep going for women lower than my league. It's because I wanted to date or have sex, and going lower than my league is how I got it, but do a lot of other autistic people do this as well, in order to be accepted, or maybe guys more so?



Some guys go for fat women, specifically because they're either just trying to get laid and they think that fat women are easy because they have lower standards OR they go for fat women because they think they can't get anybody better.

It's also the reason why a lot of unattractive women can get sex easily but not relationships. It's because men have three zones; the friendzone, the fuckzone, and the relationshipzone. The fuckzone is reserved for women you wish to have sex with but not get into a relationship with either because you're just looking for sex, or the girl you're talking to, you don't see her as girlfriend material for whatever reason.



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26 Jun 2022, 11:02 pm

Muse933277 wrote:
ironpony wrote:

Number 3 caught my interest, because in my experience in order to date or get sex, my friends would always say to me why do I keep going for women lower than my league. It's because I wanted to date or have sex, and going lower than my league is how I got it, but do a lot of other autistic people do this as well, in order to be accepted, or maybe guys more so?



Some guys go for fat women, specifically because they're either just trying to get laid and they think that fat women are easy because they have lower standards OR they go for fat women because they think they can't get anybody better.

It's also the reason why a lot of unattractive women can get sex easily but not relationships. It's because men have three zones; the friendzone, the fuckzone, and the relationshipzone. The fuckzone is reserved for women you wish to have sex with but not get into a relationship with either because you're just looking for sex, or the girl you're talking to, you don't see her as girlfriend material for whatever reason.


Lots of "weird" women get stuck in the fuckzone.

Also, the dating advice/self improvement communities I was in, for women, were basically teaching Masking 101.


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1986
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26 Jun 2022, 11:43 pm

Consistently going for the very attractive gals and getting snubbed all the time was the story of my youth. But no regrets, I learned a lot from it. Things got better after 23.

Relationships consist, among other things, of dedication, sacrifice, bridge building, cooperation, respect ... i.e. lots of work. If you want a good one be prepared to put it in or you won't have much at all.



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26 Jun 2022, 11:47 pm

1986 wrote:
Consistently going for the very attractive gals and getting snubbed all the time was the story of my youth. But no regrets, I learned a lot from it. Things got better after 23.

Relationships consist, among other things, of dedication, sacrifice, bridge building, cooperation, respect ... i.e. lots of work. If you want a good one be prepared to put it in or you won't have much at all.


Yep. I had to work *hard* on myself for years to be someone who could actually be in an adult relationship with anyone, let alone be with anyone who wasn't just preying on my dependency/vulnerability. I had to develop more adult viewpoints about relationships, too. I didn't get a good one until I was 42.


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