ProfessorJohn wrote:
jtab7800 wrote:
I've long wanted to find a woman that I can give my love to, and I have so much love in me.
I promise any woman who does give me a chance that I will treat her with absolute love, and the utmost respect.
I have seen quite a few Aspie men state sentiments similar to this in their posts, and I remember feeling like this myself when I was single and dateless. I wonder if this is part of the problem. KraftieKortie would probably know better than I because he seems to really understand human nature well. He has said on numerous occasions that women can smell desperation and that is a real turn off.
I suppose for some women the sentiments expressed above (not directly to her but through our behavior or emotions) might come off as too needy or clingy, and some women don't like that in men.
My wife was telling me the other day about how after we had been dating a month or so, she was sick and had to take the day off of work-I remember this incidence well. I had a couple of hours before I had to be at work that day, so I stopped by a grocery store and picked up some flowers and a "Get Well Soon" card for her and took them to her apartment. She told me how that freaked her out, that she was going to dump me because she thought that I was too clingy and all. Right after I left that day she called up one of her friends who "talked her off the ledge" about this experience. Her friend told her something like-that was a nice thing for him to do. That is what people do when they care about each other.
After retelling that story my wife said that some women who have had a series of bad relationships can freak out when a guy treats then really nicely because it seems to good to be true. They are waiting for the "other side" of the guy to come out and for him to really be a jerk like the -EXs were.
So maybe those of us with a lot of love to give (I am kind of really a needy and clingy person so I have to still be careful not to overwhelm the wife, and unfortunately some of my needs do go unmet) need to work on not expressing that too much, or something like that.
Which, although I've also heard that expressed before, runs completely counter to the very things we're told to do.
Be yourself. Be nice. Show interest. Express your feelings. Be romantic. Treat women as special.
Like, really, we can't help it if there's a bunch of men out there who behave badly, we're just doing what we thought was right, not putting on some kind of weird act to trap women and abuse them just when they get comfortable.
We're trying to express that we care, because caring is good, caring and being nice are (supposedly) baseline qualities that are expected in any man.
Except that's clearly not true, is it? Because those men who behave badly, they often get exactly what they want, whenever they want, however they want.
So it doesn't make any sense to me at all that "being nice", "being romantic", "being open", and so on, that those things are turnoffs? Red flags? What kind of crazy logic is that? How are we supposed to express anything if we're not bad people (and so we don't act like bad people) but we're not allowed to let anybody see we're good people either?
Worse still, online it's even become a meme, the "nice guy" meme, which portrays any man who tries to show he's nice as a liar, a pretender, a fraud, a snake in the grass, just trying to get from a woman whatever it is he wants. How are you supposed to be nice if being nice gets you branded the opposite?
13 Mar 2023, 5:16 pm
