Autistic women in abusive relationships!

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Yikes indeed.
I have been in strange situations where people in the caring type jobs should have done things but instead give me a blank stare.
Its the same blank stare every time.

nothing as bad as issabella of course

I've been in one abusive relationship but the abuse was on both sides.

I was a drug addict and he was a liar. Just toxic from the offset.

I've grown up since then.

^ Well said!

Abusers are not normal people. They’ll often do whatever they can to ensnare the person they’re fixated on even if that means becoming an apparent expert in a given topic.

I’ve experienced this actually. I didn’t fall for mere flattery.

As easy as it is to think of abusers and narcissists as obviously overtly self-indulgent people who can't stop being self-absorbed, need every moment to be about them, and are perpetually only concerned with themselves and their image, this mostly represents a trope set by pop-culture, to make it easier to identify a scumbag within the 90 / 60 / 30 minute confines of a movie or show, and the 30 / 10 / 2 minutes of screen-time they might actually receive.

In the real world, few abusers are so easily spotted - those that are don't have much luck, as they're so obviously full of themselves.

The most dangerous abusers aren't narcissistic, so much as they are predatory. They don't think they're special, they aren't in love with themselves, they aren't hyper-focused on their image and how great they are, and they don't care about flattery or preening - there's something they want, and they're going to get it. They are "hungry", and you are "food".

Not cos they think they're awesome and therefore deserve things for being so awesome - but because they can. To them, if there's something they want, and they can get it, can just take it, then why shouldn't they? They can either get / take what they want, or they can't. That's all that matters to them. "I want something / how can I get it?", with no concern for all those pesky "rules" and "social conventions", which are just another obstacle to overcome, another problem to be solved, for them.

^^^People who are well intentioned can also be abusers. I've been one in my two previous relationships. I really loved them & majorly cared about them but I also had bad anxiety & bad OCD that causd me to be very controlling & unstable. My 1st girlfriend had problems with drugs & alchohol & cheated on me 1ce with her ex who gave her drugs. I was really worried about worse happening to her & was upset that my input did not seem to matter. I couldn't really trust her & started beleving things were going on that weren't. I picked fights & lashed out at her not because I was wanting to blame her or gasslight her but because I was trying to keep her safe & I thought I had major reasons to be worried. Things were a bit better in my 2nd relationship but we were very incompatible in some ways & I still had some problems.

Being on anxiety & OCD medication in my 3rd relationship helps a lot. It also helps that she's more clingy & needy cuz I'm the same way. However I do have one behavior that seems like a classic major abuse sign to others who don't understand the situation. Cass has a very codependant relationship with a couple family members who guilt trip her. One is demanding about her spending time with him & he's very controlling when she does. He accuses her of not loving him & threatens suicide sometimes when he cant get his way. Cass gives in because she will feel very guilty if she doesn't. She also has a lot of credit card debt partly cuz he wanted her to spend money on him & she is unable to tell him No. She also might make a major decision like moving based on him pressuring her instead of my input despite the fact that I would be moving with her. She gets very upset with things & turns to me for support. I often encurage her to try & set boundaries with him which to others it could seem like I am trying to isolate her from her family but he insists that I'm cheating on her because me & her don't have sex & I sometimes spend a lot of time on computer. It could seem like I'm the abuser for pushing Cass to set boundaries, spend a little lees time with him, & to consider my input before she spends more money that she does not have but my behavior is due to concern for her. I could also argue that her behavior towards me is abusive because she'll make a major decision that affects the both of us without me being on board with it & when she reachers her breaking point with things she'll get angry & take things out on me or she'll shutdown with me. Abuse may be a matter of perspective here & isn't that black & white. Perhaps all 3 of us are abusers but neither me nor her believe that we should break up over this. Any relationship we could get in would have problems & me & Cass both majorly try to discuss things & work together.