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Mountain Goat
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15 Mar 2023, 1:59 pm

I reacon red flags are not quite the same as they used to be. The material used to be thicker and the colour was brighter somehow. Some red flags today come apart and end up in shreds in just a few years.

Annoyingly, they need cutting down to fit inside kit bags as they make the handles just a little too long for such use.

But yes. Red flags are still red flags and if looked after well can be passed down through generations of railway workers and anyone else who uses them.



uncommondenominator
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15 Mar 2023, 2:39 pm

Twilightprincess wrote:
uncommondenominator wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:

- says that you should be over the traumatic experience by now and implies that you aren’t trying hard enough


It's always fun being told to "just get over" your past by the same person who use their past justify their lousy behavior.

One partner I had would chastise me for not magically getting over my trust issues and believing in them 100% even when they expected the unreasonable, but then perpetually expected me to "prove" myself to them because they were "cagey due to their troubled past". They would also talk down to people as if it was normal, and got offended if you tried to talk to them as equals.
Yes, I’ve experienced something like that. It would often be accompanied with reframing what they did to make it less bad. “You should just get over that.” It was nothing compared to what they experienced in their childhood. I was obviously being insensitive and not providing enough support! Their behavior was my fault.


The lady I was with at the time was basically a One-Way-Street. Respect mattered when they wanted it, but not so much when it came to others. Their expectations were vague and mysterious, and you were just supposed to "know" or "figure it out", cos it "should be obvious". But she wanted to know, in great detail, what was expected of her - typically only to tell you why your expectations didn't matter. She loved to criticize everyone and everything, but lord forbid you criticize her in any way. She was insecure, suspicious, and jumped to conclusions, questioning and doubting, and expected you to "prove" things or to pass "tests" she'd come up with - but expected to always be heard out and taken at her word just for saying it, and didn't like being doubted or questioned.



funeralxempire
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15 Mar 2023, 2:40 pm

Be human, but even more so, not being human. :nerdy:


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TwilightPrincess
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15 Mar 2023, 3:31 pm

uncommondenominator wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
uncommondenominator wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:

- says that you should be over the traumatic experience by now and implies that you aren’t trying hard enough


It's always fun being told to "just get over" your past by the same person who use their past justify their lousy behavior.

One partner I had would chastise me for not magically getting over my trust issues and believing in them 100% even when they expected the unreasonable, but then perpetually expected me to "prove" myself to them because they were "cagey due to their troubled past". They would also talk down to people as if it was normal, and got offended if you tried to talk to them as equals.
Yes, I’ve experienced something like that. It would often be accompanied with reframing what they did to make it less bad. “You should just get over that.” It was nothing compared to what they experienced in their childhood. I was obviously being insensitive and not providing enough support! Their behavior was my fault.


The lady I was with at the time was basically a One-Way-Street. Respect mattered when they wanted it, but not so much when it came to others. Their expectations were vague and mysterious, and you were just supposed to "know" or "figure it out", cos it "should be obvious". But she wanted to know, in great detail, what was expected of her - typically only to tell you why your expectations didn't matter. She loved to criticize everyone and everything, but lord forbid you criticize her in any way. She was insecure, suspicious, and jumped to conclusions, questioning and doubting, and expected you to "prove" things or to pass "tests" she'd come up with - but expected to always be heard out and taken at her word just for saying it, and didn't like being doubted or questioned.

It sounds like a walking-on-eggshells situation. Yeah, I’ve been there. Mutual respect and support would be nice, but relationships so often fall short in this regard.



cyberdad
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15 Mar 2023, 4:15 pm

Twilightprincess wrote:
What are some red flags that you’ve seen, experienced, or exhibited ( :lol: ) when it comes to dating/romance/whatever?

What are some things to watch out for for the oblivious among us?


For me it was paying attention to their phones while I was trying to talk to them. The height of rudeness is to talk to a friend instead of focusing on a date. it's as red a flag as you can get.



Where_am_I
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15 Mar 2023, 4:23 pm

Disgusting attitudes towards women.

Calling all their exes crazy.

Telling you how to behave.

Thinks sweary women = easy (using the word easy to describe women is a red flag in itself).

Thinks a woman with a healthy sex life = slut.

All compliments are around your physical appearance.


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klanka
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15 Mar 2023, 4:52 pm

uncommondenominator wrote:
]

The lady I was with at the time was basically a One-Way-Street. Respect mattered when they wanted it, but not so much when it came to others. Their expectations were vague and mysterious, and you were just supposed to "know" or "figure it out", cos it "should be obvious". But she wanted to know, in great detail, what was expected of her - typically only to tell you why your expectations didn't matter. She loved to criticize everyone and everything, but lord forbid you criticize her in any way. She was insecure, suspicious, and jumped to conclusions, questioning and doubting, and expected you to "prove" things or to pass "tests" she'd come up with - but expected to always be heard out and taken at her word just for saying it, and didn't like being doubted or questioned.

I had almost the exact same experience



MaxE
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15 Mar 2023, 9:21 pm

Is willing to have sex with you but doesn't seem to actually like you.


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cyberdad
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15 Mar 2023, 9:48 pm

MaxE wrote:
Is willing to have sex with you but doesn't seem to actually like you.


It's called Tinder



IsabellaLinton
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15 Mar 2023, 10:23 pm

- Warnings from others

- Enablers who don't help

- People calling you histrionic


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Texasmoneyman300
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16 Mar 2023, 12:38 am

Twilightprincess wrote:
What are some red flags that you’ve seen, experienced, or exhibited ( :lol: ) when it comes to dating/romance/whatever?

What are some things to watch out for for the oblivious among us?

One red flag that I experienced is that she was not frugal enough for me.



Last edited by Texasmoneyman300 on 16 Mar 2023, 12:48 am, edited 2 times in total.

uncommondenominator
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16 Mar 2023, 12:39 am

Twilightprincess wrote:
uncommondenominator wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
uncommondenominator wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:

- says that you should be over the traumatic experience by now and implies that you aren’t trying hard enough


It's always fun being told to "just get over" your past by the same person who use their past justify their lousy behavior.

One partner I had would chastise me for not magically getting over my trust issues and believing in them 100% even when they expected the unreasonable, but then perpetually expected me to "prove" myself to them because they were "cagey due to their troubled past". They would also talk down to people as if it was normal, and got offended if you tried to talk to them as equals.
Yes, I’ve experienced something like that. It would often be accompanied with reframing what they did to make it less bad. “You should just get over that.” It was nothing compared to what they experienced in their childhood. I was obviously being insensitive and not providing enough support! Their behavior was my fault.


The lady I was with at the time was basically a One-Way-Street. Respect mattered when they wanted it, but not so much when it came to others. Their expectations were vague and mysterious, and you were just supposed to "know" or "figure it out", cos it "should be obvious". But she wanted to know, in great detail, what was expected of her - typically only to tell you why your expectations didn't matter. She loved to criticize everyone and everything, but lord forbid you criticize her in any way. She was insecure, suspicious, and jumped to conclusions, questioning and doubting, and expected you to "prove" things or to pass "tests" she'd come up with - but expected to always be heard out and taken at her word just for saying it, and didn't like being doubted or questioned.

It sounds like a walking-on-eggshells situation. Yeah, I’ve been there. Mutual respect and support would be nice, but relationships so often fall short in this regard.


Being around her was very much like walking on eggshells - even while she would stomp the eggs flat at her convenience. My movie choices were "wrong", my videogame preferences were "wrong", my cars were "wrong" and she was forever trying to get me to sell them in favor of cars she liked, even though she had her own car - my music choices were wrong and I listened "too loud" (to be fair, I do like my music loud) - she expected to be treated with velvet gloves, while she slapped others around with iron gauntlets. It was like being a butler for an entitled brat.

Oher notable red flags:

"friendzone"

"alphas"

"females" (with some leeway for language differences)

Tells women "how women are".

"Hey girl, what's your number? / fine, I didn't like you anyways, b*tch"

Micromanaging

Rates people with numbers based solely on looks, uses this as the primary metric to value others.

"Nice Guy"

"I deserve..."



TwilightPrincess
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16 Mar 2023, 5:41 am

^ Yeah, I was always “wrong” too unless I was doing exactly what he wanted.

- says that he owns me and/or my body

- never lets me choose music in the car when we’re driving somewhere

- put-downs/name-calling/yelling/screaming

- wants all of my attention all the time/does not like that I have my own interests or hobbies

- is controlling when it comes to finances in an attempt to keep me dependent

- uses religion or the Bible to try to control me (that wouldn’t be effective anymore since I’m an atheist)



Summer_Twilight
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16 Mar 2023, 7:20 am

Other red flags

1. If someone asks you out the first time they meet you
2. If someone doesn't take no for an answer
3. If someone starts hanging out in areas where they know you are going to be
4. If someone starts making something sound "Too good to be true," promises at the beginning of the relationship



IsabellaLinton
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16 Mar 2023, 9:55 am

- contacting your friends to push a false narrative

- contacting your friends to cause problems

- setting you up to reenact traumatic memories

- telling you what is in your best interest


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The_Face_of_Boo
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16 Mar 2023, 4:30 pm

- Lists a lot of red flags.

Dun dun dunnnn