Majority of autistuc men dont have a girlfriend?

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Some might, and some won't. Either way, it's a step forward in terms of progress. It's like all those women getting good result from being b****y, in most cases they aren't, they're being direct and actually indicating that they want rather than torturing their partners with guessing games.

Same goes here, because other women pick up on when women are flirting, the only real difference is whether the target of the flirting notices in time to do something about it. It's got to be frustrating on the other side to not know if it's a rejection or if the message wasn't received.

Same here along with understanding that it is a necessity for my mental health.

I hadn't even thought of that. The woman might feel rejected if I fail to act on her cues (little does she know, it's a simple matter of "the message wasn't received"). Being on the spectrum, we need the message to be extremely obvious.

Social embarrassment indeed. I've been humiliated too many times.

people and society have long used this as the argument, reason, as to why people and society see it as a sign of weakness if man doesn't approach a woman, why approaching a woman symbolizes strength and courage on the mans part, here is why:

"women know that men have risk rejection, face possible rejection by walking over and talking to them, and women feel that if a man is unable to handle the possibility of being rejected by a woman after having an interaction with her or from asking her out, how will he then be able to handle other rough things the world will throw his way?"

I can't say I've ever held that opinion, or heard it from other women. We know men might be nervous but we don't consider it a test of "strength and courage" (???! !) and it's in no way comparable to "other rough things in the world".

In fact I'd be upset if some guy thought he required strength and courage just to speak to me or ask me out.

there isn't reliable statistics but for marriage it's in the range of 5-9%.

Women don't usually ask men out or make other moves that put them in the situation to risk rejection. I don't think risk of rejection and the hurt involved is something women reflect on. They are more corncerned about the possibility that they will have to handle unwanted interest from a man.

Women risk rejection in other ways, like being the 'ugly duckling' in their group of friends if everyone else gets asked out but them. They get rejected when prom comes and no one invites them, or when they're always a bridesmaid but never a bride, etc. This happens even when we think / hope guys (or other women) like us, but we later discover we weren't reading the signals right. We have trouble interpreting body language and sending the right cues too. It's not just a man thing but this thread is about men so I won't get too much into it.





I'm aware of it and I reflect on it. I have empathy so I get that it would be awkward for men, but I don't think rejection should be held in comparison to other terrible calamities in the world. imo it's the same as the rejection women experience when they crush on someone and it's not reciprocated or the person doesn't ask them out.

Sometimes a woman thinks she's made a fool of herself by flirting or smiling or trying to look pretty but it doesn't work out, and her friend(s) always gets dates instead. Sometimes women don't even have friends. That's awkward and upsetting for the ego too, especially when everyone seems to think all women get dates whenever they want.

It sucks that women in general are expected to be passive and just wait for it. At least men have some control over the situation if they like someone. It might not work out and men might get rejected, but sometimes I think that might be easier than women who might be rejected and completely ignored and there's nothing they can do about it.

* Not starting a game of who has it easier.





You're right that unwanted interest is a problem, but that means harassment, following, stalking, doxxing, touching, spreading rumours etc. I wouldn't consider a polite date request to be unwanted interest, or a problem.

I've never had a girlfriend. I am the strikeout king. I'm just too quirky to have a girlfriend. When I knock on the door, my only experience is to get the door slammed on my face. Nevertheless, at 62, for some reason I haven't given up, yet.

I'm brave enough to do stuff most of the population isn't. As one example, when I was 23, I packed all my belongings into 2 suitcases, got on an airplane, and moved cross country (to a place where I knew no one, had no job lined up, etc).

My reluctance to ask a woman out isn't necessarily weakness; just realism. Asking a woman out in person has only ever been a success for me once (and she was super strange; she carried around a blanket and stuffed animal at age 19).

I'm enough of a realist to know asking a woman out in person has a nearly zero percent chance of working (based on past experience). So why bother?

Your post reminds me of an observation I've noticed:

The most common dating-related complaint I hear from men is getting rejected.

The most common dating-related complaint I hear from women is getting unwanted attention.

Which isn't to say women don't sometimes get rejected (and isn't to say men don't sometimes get unwanted attention)

I've had lots of experience at getting hardly any attention from the opposite sex.

I've also been rejected.

I'm going to say this much: The sting of getting rejected (for me at least) is 10 thousand times worse than the sting of getting hardly attention.

At least with the getting hardly any attention part, I can convince myself some women might be into me (but they either don't tell me, or maybe I'm oblivious to their interest).

With the rejection part, on the other hand, the rejection officially confirms the woman thinks I'm a creepy freak.

I put a lot of effort into my appearance too by the way...yet still hardly any attention.

My guess is there probably are men who are into you (but are too afraid to make a move on you)

I'm not trying to change the thread topic or say either gender has it worse. I just want you to know I understand how rough it must be for men. I've seen it first hand when my son has been nearly-suicidal over rejections and breakups. It's awful and I do feel badly for men, especially autistic men, who can't find partners. I only wanted to demonstrate that women experience rejection too whether it happens exactly the same or not, so perhaps that's why many women understand how crummy it feels for men.

When men ask someone out and get rejected at least they know the answer or where they stand. It's not fun, but at least they know. Women who have to be passive don't always get a definite answer. The guy (or other woman) might continue to be a friend / acquaintance but never ask them out. The person might even seem to flirt. Women don't know if the guy is actually interested but scared to ask, if they should keep hoping and wondering, or if they should give up. (That's in addition to being flat-out ghosted by the guy like men are often ghosted by women.)

When we don't know what's going on we start to self-gaslight not knowing if we're reading their cues wrong, if we're doing something wrong, if they're gay, if they don't find us smart / funny / pretty / nice enough, or what the deal is. Maybe we're supposed to ask them, or maybe that would make us seem forward.

Without knowing what's going on it's really hard to make sense of a situation or decide the next steps. I've known women who wait and pine for people for years, thinking something will change and the person will suddenly discover they're meant for each other. I think that sounds pretty awful in comparison to having the ability to ask and get an answer. It's hard to be rejected but at least the person would know for sure and not have to guess.

Even though I'm a man, I rarely make a move on anyone anymore. I don't even remember the last time I made a move on anyone (it's been years).

I am in the position you described (having to wonder for eons whether the other party is into me). In the past 4 years or so, I can think of a few different women I've thought might have been into me...yet I've been afraid to make a move. To this day, I have no idea where I stand.

As torturous as it might sound to you (having to wonder if they're into us), I much prefer the uncertainty of wondering whether they're into me over the closure of getting a no (And I generally hate uncertainty. This is perhaps the only area where I prefer uncertainty).

That being said, everyone is different. I totally believe that some folks (both male and female) prefer the closure that comes with asking out over the uncertainty that comes with having to wonder if the other party is into you.

My past rejections have been along the lines of "Ew, you're a creepy freak no woman would possibly want." Maybe that's why I'd rather wonder than have the closure. If I were to get a no, I'd then be reminded of what a creepy freak I am every time I ran into her (now that's my idea of torture).

If someone's experience of getting rejected was more "no, you simply aren't my type," they might lack my aversion to rejection.

One more thing I want to add: I know it's been said on this forum before that we should shatter gender stereotypes/gender roles. One possible solution to your specific predicament is perhaps for you to start asking out whoever you're into (since you personally said you prefer closure over wondering). Same goes for any woman who prefers closure.

That's awful and I'm sorry it happened to you. I can see how it would be difficult to see that person again. I've had similar insults from guys over the years who think I'm weird, spaced out, too smart, too intense, too boring, or whatever. Some have outright made fun of me or mocked me. That sometimes happened from guys I knew who didn't ask me out but still made fun of me, and also from guys after having a date / hanging out together when I was a young teenager. Then I had three relationships in a row including my husband where I was ultimately rejected because they all wanted to date men. That didn't make me feel particularly feminine or good about myself.

Why were they with me if they liked men??






I have a partner now, for almost five years. I'd never ask a person out though. I'm very introverted and almost completely mute. I went 17 years without dating because I was convinced I'd never find a person worth my time, and even if I did they probably wouldn't like my autism.