Do women just say...

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LePetitPrince
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28 Sep 2007, 3:17 am

hartzofspace wrote:

I've had the reversal of that, where I am making casual conversation, and suddenly the guy brings up a girlfriend or a wife. It always surprises and confuses me. I have to resist saying, "Did I look like I was attracted or something?"

This exactly happen to me . That day i was having just a friendly conversation with a freaky ugly fat girl with a bad skin and suddenly she brings up a boyfriend ,WTF??? . And I said in my mind "Do you believe that you are so desirable?" LOL

LePetitPrince
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28 Sep 2007, 3:18 am

ToadOfSteel wrote:

Thing is, I'm the exact opposite. Mentioning a b/f is pretty much a surefire way to get me off your back, for good. If you later change your mind about me (or if you break up with any b/f you may have had) I still would stay distant from you...

Exactly ...talking about exes is a very very bad idea .

calandale
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28 Sep 2007, 5:44 am

Quirky_Girl72 wrote:

LOL! You are too right!! !

Always. Sadly.

ToadOfSteel
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28 Sep 2007, 8:41 am

LePetitPrince wrote:

ToadOfSteel wrote:

Exactly ...talking about exes is a very very bad idea .

Apparently, talking about the fact that one doesn't have exes is also a bad idea...

affengeil
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28 Sep 2007, 10:30 pm

LePetitPrince wrote:

hartzofspace wrote:

...I am making casual conversation, and suddenly the guy brings up a girlfriend or a wife. It always surprises and confuses me. I have to resist saying, "Did I look like I was attracted or something?"

...i was having just a friendly conversation with a freaky ugly fat girl with a bad skin and suddenly she brings up a boyfriend, WTF??? And I said in my mind "Do you believe that you are so desirable?" LOL

Likely not. Which is precisely why s/he mentions the bf/gf in this case. When a guy mentions his wife/gf to a woman he's talking with, it's also possible that he's trying to avoid any potential awkwardness, since he's not socially savvy (or confident) enough to deal with women's advances, if and when they do happen.

Toad wrote:

Mentioning a b/f is pretty much a surefire way to get me off your back, for good. If you later change your mind about me (or if you break up with any b/f you may have had) I still would stay distant from you...

That is unfortunate for you.

fivecents
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01 Oct 2007, 4:24 pm

My coworker keeps doing this!! ! I am constantly telling her that “mentioning” she has a boyfriend is providing the guy hitting on her with information he did not request, nor cares about. I told her that since she would not date whoever is hitting on her regardless of her boyfriend status, she should be direct and just tell the guys that they are not her type. Period. Even if she has to be honest, it saves the poor guy from hours of fretting.

“I have a boyfriend” is a sort of blow off. It means there is “friend” potential, but none for sex.

calandale
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01 Oct 2007, 5:25 pm

Moreover, having dislodged a couple
of people from such situations, it's
not anything assured. Lack of interest
however, absolutely kills any desire
on my part. Mainly because whatever
interest I have is predicated on my
thoughts that the other is thinking
about me in such a manner.

ToadOfSteel
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01 Oct 2007, 5:53 pm

calandale wrote:

This I would have to agree with, as I know what unrequited love feels like, and I don't want to go thru with that again, so I set up a defense mechanism to do what you're saying: kill any desire on my part...

calandale
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01 Oct 2007, 6:52 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:

I only did the pure version once.
But, my delusions can be pretty
strong, so I've suffered it - and shall
continue to do so - fairly often. Too many
times, I missed signs, so I'm afraid of building
the complete shell. But, I have NO interest
in anything which is not interested in me.

This goes beyond just romantic issues.
If a job doesn't provide me with the
feeling that I am really necessary, I
can't keep it. In school, I did great
whilst I was the star, but when I tried
to earn that position again, and failed,
I lost most of my drive. Same thing probably
killed my acting career.

For me, this is less a conscious decision of any
kind, and more a side effect of my narcissism.

affengeil
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02 Oct 2007, 1:57 am

calandale wrote:

...I have NO interest
in anything which is not interested in me...
For me, this is less a conscious decision of any
kind, and more a side effect of my narcissism.

I'm not disputing your narcissism

,
but could it also be a side-effect of getting shat on too many times?
In the figurative sense, of course.

I feel the same way these days. Didn't used to.

calandale
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02 Oct 2007, 3:06 am

affengeil wrote:

but could it also be a side-effect of getting shat on too many times?
In the figurative sense, of course.

I doubt it. My first gf was terribly excited by
me, but over time, things soured, and she
did some stuff that others couldn't forgive.
I bore it, so long as I felt needed. Indeed,
I would not have even considered her, without
that need - she really wasn't greatly to my
taste.

Likewise, the pattern has been throughout.
Only the first girl I asked for a date was
different. I KNEW she was not interested,
but also knew that I was beginning to look
pretty, and thought that might be enough.
In every other case, it's been at least the
impression that they were interested, which
drove my own. And, if that's proven wrong,
it's as though the whole thing falls apart.

Still, interest is not quite sufficient.

Anubis
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02 Oct 2007, 3:09 am

A girl did that once to me. But to be honest, I must have looked like a creep.

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Kezzstar
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02 Oct 2007, 4:07 am

I've only done it in situations where I felt that I was gonna be attacked or whatever...

"Yeah, my boyfriend is a black belt in karate....."

Actually, KJ is a brown belt, but I was close enough LOL

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Veresae
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03 Oct 2007, 6:47 pm

hartzofspace wrote:

That's exactly how I feel when girls use their boyfriends as excuses to not hang out with me or call me. Even if I DO like a girl like that, if I know she's not interested then I won't bother her about it or try to be anything more than friends with her. In fact I'll probably be really awkward and sympathetic about it, and will try my damndest to get over her.

holdsteady
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05 Oct 2007, 5:41 am

ToadOfSteel wrote:

Do women just say that they have a boyfriend just to get you off their back? Many times women only start saying that if I make any kind of suggestion or advance... before that they don't have anything to say to that effect, nor do I find any evidence that they do either...

I understand that a large number of them may actually be telling the truth, but there are statistically more women than men out there in the world (and some men like me have a hard time getting anywhere), so they can't all have b/f's.

If the above is true, then why do they say that? Why can't they just say "I'm not interested"? If they just did that, then I have no problem in leaving them alone... but alas, they don't... What is up with that?

1. They may not want to hurt your feelings by saying something like - you are an ugly ret*d twat, please f-off.

2. It used as a 'shit-test'.
ie. to sort out the wussies from the potential partners that they may be looking for. Some girls do not want a wuss who will just back down at the first opportunity.
If a girl says, "i have a boyfriend". You may wish to consider replying something along the lines of, "yes, but i don't want to meet him, do i."
Do it with some humour else you have zero chance.

Sorry, if this has been said before in the other responses. I cant be bothered reading any of them.

ToadOfSteel
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05 Oct 2007, 7:25 am

holdsteady wrote:

1. They may not want to hurt your feelings by saying something like - you are an ugly ret*d twat, please f-off.

I'd rather hear that than something ambiguous... at least then I would know exactly where I stand... plus, just about every guy on the planet has been calling me an ugly ret*d twat anyway, so I don't see why girls shouldn't either (if they really think that...)

Quote:

2. It used as a 'sh**-test'.
ie. to sort out the wussies from the potential partners that they may be looking for. Some girls do not want a wuss who will just back down at the first opportunity.
If a girl says, "i have a boyfriend". You may wish to consider replying something along the lines of, "yes, but i don't want to meet him, do i."
Do it with some humour else you have zero chance.

Sorry, if this has been said before in the other responses. I cant be bothered reading any of them.

This stems back to the fact that I still can't read minds... If I could, that would make things so much easier... At least guys are direct when it comes to this stuff, as compared to women who are just so deceptive to the point that it annoys the hell out of me...

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