Stupid Feelings

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Gah, it gets harder by the day. Saw them a lot this evening at comedy night, and on the walk home. Dammit dammit dammit dammit dammit. Keep trying to stop it from changing my behaviour around them, but it's quite hard not to - my friends know me as a 'loveable bastard' kind of person, but I keep being nice! Argh!

do you have a sort of urge to be near them a lot and know what they are doing etc?
And does it make you happy when you see them or do you think like, 'S**t, I hate being controlled by my emotions like this' ?

I don't really have an urge to know what they're doing, largely because they already tell me most of the time! And yes, it makes me happy when I see them... but they're one of my friends, so that's obvious enough. I don't really feel as if I'm being controlled by my feelings, I think it's more the case that I'm fighting them (as opposed to them fighting me - I'm the aggressor) because I don't think this is a sensibe person to have feelings for.

This isn't really a productive post, but I feel the need to vent.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

Feel better now ?

A little, but mostly just because I finally got some sleep. Another day of angst awaits me!

It really doesn't get any easier. They keep on talking to me about their love life, and I keep having to try and think about what will make them happiest and skoosh my feelings under it all. Aaaaaargh.
I get the feeling that I've already had all the advice people can give me - any last few gems before I move my angst to my blog instead of this thread?

It ain't fair lol - when you throw into the mix high paranoia, manic confidence swings that no one around me can understand, and also - I'm sure everyone can relate to this to a t - a nasty past that often comes back to haunt me...

I think if I made a schizophrenic friend, they'd understand lol. Or simply a fellow aspie but there really aren't many people like that in my College...
By this though I do mean simply 'friend'. It's essential to have a balance of the right types of friends... and I believe there's a link missing - a troubled aspie or schizo friend would be very helpful and I'd be able to create a good friendship with them. But just 'friend' sorta lol.

Because I'm already after someone.