17 Oct 2007, 1:09 am
juliekitty wrote:
It's easier for NT women to get sex or dates than it is for NT men, too.
In fact, I'd suspect it's easier for aspie women than for NT men.
In general, men are the pursuers, we are the pursued. It was ever thus.
In fact, I'd suspect it's easier for aspie women than for NT men.
In general, men are the pursuers, we are the pursued. It was ever thus.
here the answer Graelwyn . Most girls NT or not , like juliekitty , love this logic of 'men must be the pursuers' , I heard many girls who say 'the guy must make the first move' ..this gender "rule" is enforced mostly by the females and not by males ....because females are taking advantage of this rule , changing that won't to be in their favor.
I heard many NT guys and NT male friends wishing even they are asked out by a girl for once , the other day a co-worker was telling us that he was asked out by a girl but he screw it lol , the other guys told him : "are you nuts? this happens once in lifetime!"
.
17 Oct 2007, 2:31 am
Pugly wrote:
juliekitty wrote:
In general, men are the pursuers, we are the pursued. It was ever thus.
What of all the women who aren't pursued?
Do they even exist?
Coo-ee *waves*
I'm not pursued and I'm not sure why. I don't think I fell out of the ugly tree but I'm probably not the best person to judge. I have been told that I can be rather intimidating, though, as I'm tall for a woman (6 foot) and very independent.
However I haven't been in a relationship for 12 years, maybe because I also used to do this....
Sedaka wrote:
i'll fall for someone over the most illogical instant (and i do remember those instances per person!) and whether it works out or not... i stay in this mode for long time... which is terrible when it doesnt work out... makes me very unreceptive to other dating and really upsets my cycle (pun intended after second thought)
It's all very unsettling and I've come to the conclusion that I'm better off on my own. Although that's not to say that I won't run away if someday a half-decent and honourable man crosses my path.
17 Oct 2007, 2:34 am
LePetitPrince wrote:
....because females are taking advantage of this rule , changing that won't to be in their favor.
Unless they end up passing by something
they really want because of it. It's happened.
I've had such confessions come to me - too
late.
Quote:
I heard many NT guys and NT male friends wishing even they are asked out by a girl for once , the other day a co-worker was telling us that he was asked out by a girl but he screw it lol , the other guys told him : "are you nuts? this happens once in lifetime!" .
.Hmm...not sure about 'asked out'. Had one girl take
me to a bar, in order to seduce me. Certainly have
never been the one making the first move successfully.
(well, once sort of, but she turned me down, and then
started making out with my wife later
).
17 Oct 2007, 8:54 am
17 Oct 2007, 9:10 am
gwenevyn wrote:
Well, for the record, I've always found your posts interesting and insightful, not whining. When I first came on WP, a handful of posters immediately won my respect and you were one of them.
Oh wow, that's the nicest thing anyone's said to me in I don't know how long. Now I'm completely embarrassed because I'm sure I'll say something stupid
Quote:
I love it when my aspie guy writes to me about anything at all! As for the rest, I wouldn't change a single thing about him. I wish that a lot of you guys could see that its often the very qualities you worry about that will be most lovely to the right girl.
I hope I find her
My interests aren't exactly exciting to most girls Probably an issue for most guys I suppose, but when you combine that with (probably most aspie guy's) lack of interest in social activities, stupidity about small talk, inability to tell if someone's interested in you unless it's REALLY obvious, etc...In theory, Aspie Affections seems perfect, except I'm pretty sure the people who have contacted me are just spam-bots, so I haven't written back
gwenevyn wrote:
LePetitPrince wrote:
it's because the man is who supposed to start the initiative.
I think this is a myth, and one that ends up making poor, literal-minded aspie guys screw themselves over. They think there is supposed to be this key dangerous moment, in which the guy puts himself out there and says (totally unsure of what the outcome will be) "will you go out with me?" or "I am in love with you" or whatever.
No, no, no! And NO.
In almost all situations, I'd say that the guys make themselves available in subtle ways and the girl chooses. This doesn't involve some embarrassing leap on the man's part. If one of those poor blokes makes himself available in a non-subtle way ("omg take me now!!!11"), it's highly unlikely that he will be chosen. I tried that approach only once and let me tell you, it's unsuccessful even for girls. In the best and most fulfilling situations, the man takes a step closer, the woman takes a step closer, the man takes a step closer .... figuratively, I mean. A little compliment here, a little thoughtful remark there, a little maybe-i'm-flirting-wouldn't-you-like-to-know
comment here... Back and forth. I've compared it to dancing, but it's more like table tennis. You can keep hitting balls her way but if she's not hitting them back, there's no game. It's more like.... being stoned to death. By popcorn.Guys who approach relationships fighting to "win" a girl's favor will always lose. Building up to a relationship (or even a zipless one night stand) requires interaction, please. Not a stealth ninja attack.
Okay, I'm saving this post for future reference
The problem is, this is exactly the type of stuff we're bad at. I mean I'm not 100% sure I'm carrying on a NORMAL conversation right most of the time, let alone when you throw in this other stuff. (Plus the issue of not actually being around people that would be potential partners.)
LePetitPrince wrote:
^^ i said : 'supposed' ...and i didn't said 'must' ....this is one of the gender roles and it doesn't make sense, i know .
You have a point but sometimes long-term'interaction' leads to 'friendship' and here the main problem with aspies since they can't differentiate between romantic and friendship signs
Quote:
Guys who approach relationships fighting to "win" a girl's favor will always lose. Building up to a relationship (or even a zipless one night stand) requires interaction, please. Not a stealth ninja attack.
You have a point but sometimes long-term'interaction' leads to 'friendship' and here the main problem with aspies since they can't differentiate between romantic and friendship signs
Yeah, and I don't even have any *FRIENDS* since Jr. High (unless you can count my ex-fiancee)-I don't even know how to do that...
17 Oct 2007, 10:10 am
17 Oct 2007, 11:52 am
17 Oct 2007, 12:05 pm
gwenevyn wrote:
LePetitPrince wrote:
it's because the man is who supposed to start the initiative.
I think this is a myth, and one that ends up making poor, literal-minded aspie guys screw themselves over. They think there is supposed to be this key dangerous moment, in which the guy puts himself out there and says (totally unsure of what the outcome will be) "will you go out with me?" or "I am in love with you" or whatever.
No, no, no! And NO.
In almost all situations, I'd say that the guys make themselves available in subtle ways and the girl chooses. This doesn't involve some embarrassing leap on the man's part. If one of those poor blokes makes himself available in a non-subtle way ("omg take me now!!!11"), it's highly unlikely that he will be chosen. I tried that approach only once and let me tell you, it's unsuccessful even for girls. In the best and most fulfilling situations, the man takes a step closer, the woman takes a step closer, the man takes a step closer .... figuratively, I mean. A little compliment here, a little thoughtful remark there, a little maybe-i'm-flirting-wouldn't-you-like-to-know
comment here... Back and forth. I've compared it to dancing, but it's more like table tennis. You can keep hitting balls her way but if she's not hitting them back, there's no game. It's more like.... being stoned to death. By popcorn.Guys who approach relationships fighting to "win" a girl's favor will always lose. Building up to a relationship (or even a zipless one night stand) requires interaction, please. Not a stealth ninja attack.
No, it's not a myth. Just count the number of times you've known a guy to ask a girl out and the number of times you've known a girl to ask a guy out. This sort of behaviour goes form first dates to marriage proposals (have you ever heard of a girl proposing to a guy?). This is not to say women don't flirt or that it doesn't require interaction, as you say. if there's no chemistry, there is little that the guy can do. Unfortunately many of us aspie males don't know how to flirt back or respond to flirting or hit on a girl or ask a girl out without freaking her out. I had a girl flirting with me the other day but it seems she thinks i wasn't at all interested because i failed to respond adequately.
17 Oct 2007, 1:22 pm
17 Oct 2007, 2:11 pm
17 Oct 2007, 2:40 pm
17 Oct 2007, 2:50 pm
17 Oct 2007, 3:17 pm
yesplease wrote:
Wolfpup wrote:
Nope, I think everyone (or most everyone) agrees with that.
I don't. Compassion and all that are traits I like.Soooo then wouldn't you agree with the statement about there being more than just whether someone's NT or AS or that type of thing? I'm probably confusing myself again
17 Oct 2007, 8:47 pm
yesplease wrote:
Wolfpup wrote:
Nope, I think everyone (or most everyone) agrees with that.
I don't. Compassion and all that are traits I like.I think you're reading WP's statement the wrong way.
18 Oct 2007, 1:43 am
18 Oct 2007, 9:41 pm
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