any polygamous aspies out there?

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What? So you are saying I should not beat myself up over being an uptight Victorian prude wih latent Christian tendancies?(kidding)

Polygamy always seemed so scary.
When Flakey first took interest in me, he was dating someone else at the time...They were in a serious relationship...like trying to have babies and all of that...I got sucked into working for his business and being his friend..unawares that he was busy obsessing over me...there was a huge nasty drama...but that was years ago....we have broken up twice since then....(partialy because of my resistance to his polygamous nature)....but then he will always go back and say i am more important to him than polygamy.....

Right now, I am not sure what our status is...

He owes all his letcherous infidelity up to "mental problems"

The thing that makes us keep getting back together is we just get along so stinking well....(Because I Am ret*d)....He says that "even though I am "crazy" i am the only girlfriend he has ever had who didn't beat him on a regular basis....(makes you wonder why)...

Frankly he is the only person I am really comfortable communicating with...(even though there are obvious problems with that statement concidering the circumstances)

I really need to get myself to the clinic. It has been a long time.

I probably already have HPV...for all I know.

In our current state we are both acting like everything is normal....but that is bad...because that will give him the impression that he can keep on getting away with stuff.

And he thinks the obvious solution for me to start having sex with other people so that his behavior is more excusable....which is dangerous and undesirable and just bad......

I don't quite know what to do.

"By age 50, at least 80 percent of women will have acquired genital HPV infection. About 6.2 million Americans get a new genital HPV infection each year."

http://www.cdc.gov/std/HPV/STDFact-HPV.htm

So yes you are boned in the sense that you have HPV, but you are not boned in the sense that it's a harmless virus.

This really isn't that complicated. You need to weigh the suffering that the thought of him being with other women causes you vs. the amount of enjoyment you get from being around him. Then substract the risk of catching some disease.

Get a pen and paper and do the math.

You quoted a number of 99% not showing symptoms. Well, go ahead and tell that 1% that it is harmless.

Easy to say if you aren't in the situation. Great on paper, a lot more difficult in practice.

Yes, something tells me he would be singing a different tune if he'd just had his cancerous penis amputated.

I'm sure I'd be angry if I died from rabies but then again there's less than 10 a year.

So it doesn't matter, because it isn't you? Those ten people don't matter, because there's only ten of them?

???

I'm saying if you're bit by a raccoon you don't have to freak out because chances are you're going to live.

Similarly. Even if she has HPV, she shouldn't freak out because it probably won't do anything to her.

According to the American Cancer Society's figures, an American woman's lifetime risk of getting cervical cancer is 1 in 117. One third of those who get it will die as a result. So while HPV infection is not something that anyone should worry and obsess and lose sleep over, a dozen American women died of cervical cancer today. There has been precisely one (non-fatal) case of racoon-to-human rabies transmission in the US in the last 20 years, so I suppose the comparison is a good one, if being off by a factor of 240,000 to 1 is okay.

Wow im just shocked ... I rather have 1 special lady to give all my love too thats just me

Sorry to continue perpetuating this thread....Despite all the crap...Flakey and i are still trying to work things out.

We still love each other....but he keeps perpetuating the polyamory thing.

He wants me to "Never Leave Him" but still be ok with his Philanderings...and I guess have philanderings of my own...

My arguement is that I simply cannot see how that is supposed to make our relationship stronger...and if he cares that much about me that he wants me to never leave him...then why would he do that...


Even in ancient texts (Kama Sutra)
It talks about how when a husband takes more than one wife, it will serve to distance the first one from him...or them both....

and I don;t want to be part of a harem...

I don;t want to consetually allow him to go off and have sex with other people so that he does not have to lie to me...

I hate complicated game playing...
Maybe it would be easier if I did not have all these dumb neuo-issues...

I once knew a diagnosed aspie who was a total swinger and had children with a bunch of different women......
His wife had her young "boy toy" and her "boy toy/playmate" got her pregnant....and that ended that relationship....

I just can't deal with all the complications that would go with this type of relationship were I to consent to it.

But maybe I should consent to it just so that it could help me seperate myself from him....dull my senses and move on.

I feel so clingy right now...I thought he was the love of my life....

I doubt that it would be easy under any circumstances.

I'm not of the opinion that polyamory, or polygamy, are creepy or wrong. I also have nothing against monogamy. But if you are truly one, and he is truly the other (which is how it's looking), it's hard to see any resolution.

When I got divorced, it wasn't because I no longer loved my wife. We'd been together for most of my adult life, and you don't live with someone that long, have and raise children with them, and just stop caring. But I knew that our personalities did not make us good housemates, and anything beyond that was not going to work, so continuing to try was just a waste of our lives. The differences and disagreements would never be resolved, so the best thing I could do for all concerned was to cut our losses and move on. We both remarried within months of the divorce being finalized, are still friends, and lived happily ever after.

Just because you love someone doesn't mean that living with them is a good idea. I love my parents, but living with them would be awful. I love some people who I haven't seen in years, and will probably never see again. I love people who are dead. Love transcends time and space, relationships do not. That was a very hard lesson for me, but it was one which I could not avoid learning.

I don't see why you need to agree to anything. If you think he'll change his mind and be monogamous with you, then agreement eliminates his only incentive. If you are sure that he won't change his mind, then there's no point in beating around the bush. If you're unsure of what he will do, let him know that you will be having a monogamous relationship, wherever a good one may be found. He will have to make a decision, and, whatever the answer is, you move on with your lives.

I'm sorry for sucking at making arguments by analogy.