Emotional Blunting

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I understand. I'm not exactly saying that puppies are nice and water is wet. I like to challenge people to think, to accept nothing that they are told at face value.

I'm a poker...

^^^ What you said, and also the fact that like so many other Aspies, I take everything personally.

I'm the same except I was oblivious to the whole concept of dating, and friendship to the extent that you could say I was a jerk. The number of girls I know were interested is four. One of them I fancied at the time, another has probably the most in common with me, and only one is in the last five years. Despite being totally clueless I would say that what these had in common in common is I was being myself. I find it so hard to be myself with girls I like. I end up acting like an anxious, pedantic creep. I can’t hold my emotions to act on them and find it hard to let anyone close to me.

I used to cut people out as a matter of course; I'm still am in danger of doing it now. The girl who I had the most in common with is a manic, creative genius. We used to have great existential conversations all the time, and wrote stuff for the school literary magazine. I saw her as a good compadre. She was the one person that actually went out of her to keep in touch with me when I went back to the UK but I still cut her out. She was distraught and I blocked it out.

Recently, after a many years, by coincidence my mother saw her in a café, when she was visiting her family in Peru. She told my mother that she was getting married, and the she always considered me a good friend and wanted me to come. I wouldn’t have been able to go, but I just couldn't bring myself to contact her. I feel uncomfortable about going back in general. I can’t explain why I would do such a thing to her. I don’t know why myself. I don’t want her to know how things have panned out for me, although she is probably the one person that would understand. I’m not the same person I was, I’ve lost my creativity.

Do you ever feel like you are in danger of blowing a fuse? I think that is what happened to me. I pushed myself over the limit and that why I have this.

You don't want emotional blunting for long trust me.

I was counting on it.