List Dating Platitudes

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I'm painting a realistic picture. I've spent many years around AS fora, and have met a number of people with AS, IRL (with a diagnosis). Many males with AS have an extremely hard time forming relationships. Some never do. That's a fact.


Your analysis of my confidence is about as accurate as your comprehension of the facts I've stated, or more relevantly have not stated, in this thread. I've never paid a prostitute. If I could have easily, I probably would of done. I've been fortunate in having relationships and sex. I know, however, that AS makes me socially defective on a number of levels and that it's unlikely I'll ever have a successful longterm relationship. Similarly, those more severely affected are destined to having no sex or relationships at all.


Not really. Most men have the same needs, so I understand. It's genetically programmed, you'll find.


I've probably had more social interaction than many here. Unfortunately, I've lived long enough to know that AS puts a ceiling on achievements limiting what is possible. You get to a point where the law of diminishing returns kicks in -- if you value your sanity you must stop, and accept your limitations. Knowing this, I can extrapolate to understand how others function. It seems reasonable that for many that ceiling will be lower. Of course, for some it may be higher, but above a certain height you don't have AS.

Although it's important not to be too negative, you do a disservice to many here by pretending everyone can get what you can. That patronises individuals, and makes them feel like failures when they're not. You do them an even greater disservice by denying them the only opportunity to get what is so important to every living thing, and which you find so easy to obtain yourself.

I think its you that has miscomprehended the facts the only limits on a person are the ones they put on themselves. Socially defective? hell I don't look at my quirks as me being defective which is again a sign of lack of confidance. Your inborn nature makes you not confidant which is why the people you know have problems finding dates. The success of a long term relationship is more about the two people involved and not about what disorder you may or may not have. That glass ceiling is self imposed you are creating self furfilling prophecies. My relationships could have lasted most of them I dumped them and there is no difference really in my potential versus yours or anyone else for that matter.

Problems equal out for instance my mother feels my great cousin has the life her father is a police officer and she has money. What does she not have ambition, motivation, a nondysfunctional social life etc ... your going to call me naive in this but I've seen through my own observations of people I know everyone has problems and none have more then the other. Its a choice of if you want to identify yourself by the postives or the negatives.

I'm 23 and I find sexual urges to be only with people I have a real connection with. Has a girl ever tried to turn me on and failed? yes I also wouldn't say that I find it easy to find I just don't look at sex as that important. If I am with a woman who I love and I want to commit that act with her great if not I won't be missing out.

I believe it does them a service to know they can form relationships then believe that they cannot. So once again I miss your point its like saying don't go to school because you will fail. Will they fail? maybe but if they believe in what they are doing and put the nesscary attention to it they will not fail. I think my view is doing such a service in relation to "hey we got as so lets not try yanno its pointless." Will they get any woman they want? I dunno about all that will they fail? we all fail I've had girls I wanted but ended up friends and then there was never a proper oppurtunity to tkae the relationship to the next level. Will people as you suggest lose soley on the basis of AS and their symptoms (even though I hate that term) ? no they will lose because they defeated themselves before trying. Apperciate your individuality and other people will too.

In closing I feel the reason you will be unlikely to have a long term relationship is because you don't love yourself which means that you cannot love anybody else.

That's a classic. How much do I owe you for the consultation, doc?

But seriously, you've got the right attitude as far as making things work for yourself goes, but you can't apply that to everyone else. Anyway, I'll take another look at your post tomorrow as it's getting late, here, and I've got some self-loathing to do before bed.

calling yourself socially defective, unlikely to have a long term relationship, having a glass ceiling you cannot go past because of your disorder, and the fact that you have "if they can't get a relationship then we should be able to pay for sex because we might not get it otherwise. Are all in that vein love yourself and your quirks. Yea there is things I want to change and I work harder at changing them but I love myself and that projects to women and its the difference between getting a no or a yes.

I was reading another of your posts here a minute ago, and it seems you are a very determined character. That's great, and will allow you to fully exploit what abilities you have. Whilst that attitude is fine when you're young, you'll eventually find that there are mountains you can't climb. You'll learn that there are things not worth expending energy on because your past experience of pushing the boundaries tells you that you can't succeed. I was determined, as well, at your age, so I can see it from your perspective. You can't from mine. You'll just have to read what I write and take my word for it. Moreover, whilst some of us have that drive, others don't. That is all part of the innate set of cognitive and personality attributes with which we are born. Many just can't muster the kind of determination you've described, in posts here. Many just lack the physical abilities needed to climb the mountain in the first place.

I've previously been accused of assuming that everyone else is like me, or something similar, earlier in this thread. That really is far from the truth. My argument accepts people have differing levels of ability, as outlined above. As I do have an AS diagnosis, however, it is fairly safe to assume many do experience things as I do. Similarly, assuming you have diagnosable AS then your experience of relationships will be valid for others, as will, for some, the predicament of not being able to find any kind of relationship. I've not stated, or intended to imply, anywhere, that these different accounts are mutually exclusive and so that some of them must be wrong. Merely, I'm conveying that some men with AS really can't form relationships. Some of those will feel better for seeing prostitutes, and why shouldn't they?


Yes. I think you'll find socially related criteria are important in diagnosing AS. I can't interact beyond a certain level because I'm defective. I don't believe in tarting things up in PC-speak -- call a spade a spade, I say.


It's funny, some people at another AS site called me a narcissist when I dared to criticise them; they'd have a case against me if I said what you're saying. But I really don't understand this concept of loving yourself. I just don't get it. I know it's quite a popular concept, and could even be listed with the dating platitudes at the start of this thread. Can you explain how you love yourself?

I'm aware of my strengths and weaknesses and I love who I am, who I've worked to be, and the pure potential then whenever I get an obstacle I surpass it. Calling yourself defective is defeatist and rather silly you now know some of your weaknesses so now if they bother you you can work on them. If there is an obstacle I can't surpass then I will keep trying till I do if that takes forever so be it. Calling a prostitute is defeatist as well its saying "I can't get intimacy through normal means so I'll just get a girl paid to do it." Its meantally defeating you can't do those things and still say I'm confidant its defeatist and those things wear on you bring you down eventually and that puts shades on everything you do in effect defeating yourself and creating self furfilling prophecies.