Calling all undamaged females... Anyone?

Post Reply New Topic

I think I know what I want cause I meticulously plan everything in life.

Incas_falling: Good luck on your search, myself I have been recently dating a girl that I have known for years, I wanted it to work out so bad, but I am so different then her, and like you, I think she is damaged, not that I would not love her, its just that I dont think she loves me, I am different, and now she is avoiding me (i think).

I want to call it off and probably give up, besides personally for me I am not looking for a mate, what I really wanna do, how I really wanna give my life meaning, is to someday become and adoptive parent to a child who needs a good home, good father and a good childhood and life. I would rather do this then go thru the riggers of meeting someone, dating and all that.

I am still looking, but I only have a few years and ill be 30, and I cant wait my whole life really.

If you do find what you are looking for, then you can give me a few pointers

Until then I will shop for a Christmas present for my current GF and hope that it will work out and that I am being paranoid, I can never truly trust my feelings as far as others go, but I dont wanna give up and quit at the moment eather.

I didn't meet my first wife til I was 33. Now I'm closin' in on 50 and I may not have met my second wife yet.

Are you undamaged, Icarus?

Why would anyone who was undamaged and perfect ever deign to look at us mere mortals? We are all scarred, dented, bumped, scratched and covered in the dust or the rust of life. It is what makes us who we are, it is what makes us different from each other, it is what makes us interesting.

The trick is to blend our own and others' particular quirks and foibles. Doesn't mean its easy but it doesn't have to be rocket science either.

Our society's idea that nothing short of perfection is acceptable is total crap.

maybe because they are lonely and want someone to play with.
if i was perfect, i still wouldn't want to play all by myself all of the time.

An interesting question. "Damaged" as I used it was intended as shorthand for a female receiving ill-treatment from a male. Physical abuse; sexual abuse; psychological abuse. Perhaps within the context of a relationship, but not necessarily.

The most directly corresponding application of that question to me would then be, have I ever been ill-treated or abused by a female? And the answer to that question is, no. But in the context of relationships, it is worth noting that my experience is extremely limited. I've been in only one relationship. And I'm fairly certain she never cheated on me, and certainly never misused me; we are friends to this day; we certainly fought sometimes, but I don't think that counts here. But I contrast myself to two of my close friends, who have had many relationships; both of them have been cheated on. So perhaps I have been spared such a thing through inexperience. If the world is full of guys who mistreat girls, it is interesting to consider that there are also girls who mistreat guys.

If the question was more along the lines of, has life seared and scarred me? Good gods, yes. I'm covered from head to toe, inside and out, with scars of various kinds. I've already mentioned that I was terribly physically abused as a young child. And, to cut a very long tale short, life started kicking my ass at birth, and has never stopped kicking my ass from all directions. I actually had a mental breakdown a couple of years ago. Is that not indicative of some notion of "damaged"?

But I think I have fought my way into the "healed" category; I do not accept damage anymore, only lessons. I like to think of myself as the very epitome of whatever doesn't kill me makes me stronger; and, interestingly, Friedrich and I have many, many things in common; he was a kindred sprit. Life's slings and arrows tend to cause me little woe anymore; and when they do, I recover quickly. Which is not to say that I fancy myself invulnerable, but I do have some strength and grace in me. I've developed strong defenses, but not gone so far as to build an impregnable wall around myself, as I've noted some do in response to all of the crap that life throws at us. Part of the wail of anguish that sparked this thread was a result of me walking smack-dab into some of these walls; imagine someone walking into a glass door that he does not realize is closed; <smack!> "Ouch! WTF?!" Kinda like that. Repeatedly.

A better question: Have you ever damaged anyone, Icarus?

I think I might have inadvertently scraped someone once; or perhaps she inadvertently scraped me, I'm really not sure; it was all a bit of a blur, in retrospect. But in the most pertinent sense... No. I have never mistreated a female. I still believe in chivalry. Really.

Which makes me wonder... If the mistreatment of females seems like a commonplace, nigh inevitable thing... Is the situation more accurately framed in terms of most men causing this damage in the neighborhood of a 1:1 correspondence? Or is it a small minority of men who somehow manage to spread lots of damage around? The latter notion inspires me to want to go hunting, culling...

Why do you ask, LePetitPrince?

Good fortune,

- Icarus is flawless...

I've considered this notion at length, and I find that I must call non sequitur, pending further elaboration.

Good fortune,

- Icarus stares into the looking glass...

I find this thread disturbing... possibly because I am damaged goods... but that hasn't prevented me from having intense, meaningful relationships. I think Sylvia Plath said it best: Perfection is terrible, it cannot have children.

Good fortune,

- Icarus is rusty and dusty...

Icarus, I totally hear what your saying. The really sad thing your looking at, while what they've been through is harsh, they keep carrying it with them and strangely very often it keeps them making the same choices over and over. I can see where if a guy had no hard edges at all his presence may feel too disarming to them and they need someone who'll be able to make them happy and show love without melting their front; but still, you don't come off like that, I'm not like that myself, most good guys in general aren't like that.

Its like its the best people on both sides who can't find a decent significant other. I keep thinking of that one movie sample, don't know what its from, but its something Gravediggaz dropped in 1-800-Suicide:

"Yep, I've said it before and I'll say it again. Life moves pretty fast.... (if) you don't stop and look around every once in a while...you could miss it"

I really relate to that philosophy, I try not to be that person who isn't looking around, and at the same time it seems like so few people want to grab up what there is of their existence, own it, make the most of it, or have summoned the inner strength to make that stand - its depressing. I know that abuse has some really jarring and almost brain-damaging qualities (in the sense that it permanently can effect your emotional disposition and triggers). Still, I wish people through their self-awareness at that problem more rather than letting themselves be puppetted by it. Its their happiness, their life, their air in their lungs, and when you let your life take you down a path of misery that path goes from a potentially short 80 years to an eternal 80 years that ends up feeling eternal in all the wrong ways.

Seriously, deep down I really love people, I love the ladies who've been through the hard times, but at the same time I know a lot of them need to put the breaks on and show themselves a bit of tough love on this level; putting effort into that kind of thing sucks at first because its your consciousness fighting this huge critical mass called 10 or 20 years of bad neurological memory. Still, when you commit to that fight and even look at the fight as something that in and of itself has you feeling better about yourself just because things are moving in a better direction, it means that getting there even if it takes years is still a foreseeable goal and as that time moves on you'll feel better and better about things.

I myself, won't say that I'm unscarred or that I don't have my own pain or insecurities on some levels, but I'd love to have someone in my life who encouraged me through them and had the patience and understanding to know that it would take time. Then again I myself, like a lot of the better guys here, would be more than willing to put that time and diligence in with a woman we cared about - I mean damn, if your with somebody you have to care first and foremost that they're another human being and that seeing them happy will make you happy, you want them to grow like they want you to grow. That last part is another thing that just gets so busted up and haywire in so many relationships because wearing the gender roles and having the power struggles just has people snarky with each other and in constant competition - true you can still love someone like that but you're never really adequately showing it.

Everyone.... evv-ree-one is damaged goods. It's how badly we've been damaged and how well we've overcome and grown that matter.

Well said...words I am now striving to live by myself.

You dont know how good this makes me feel, I have recently began to panic fearing life will go so fast and end b4 I get to the most important part (at least for me) a loving relationship and a close family.

Everybody is different, and you have vastly increased my confidence that their is plenty of time so long as I dont procrastinate too long.

Thank you Mr. Mark

Yeah, I agree.

I hope you find someone who will encourage and support you, Icarus_Falling . You seem like a patient, loyal individual from your post and you deserve someone who will support you.

I wanted to make sure that you are not God by any chance.

If he's God, then I'm the Anti-christ.



I actually have had this situation, with one girl, course she was Bi, became lesbian......and I lost touch with her. probably a good thing. She nearly caused me to kill myself because I fell to hard for her.

Anyhow....................................

I've known a lot of (if we can use the word, I think there is a better word, but we'll go with it til a new word is discovered) "damaged" females, and all they're searching for is that ultimate right guy, the one who they can complety know that everything will be alright with.

The last girl that I dated, was damaged goods. she'd had three(four?) previous boyfriends, who'd all been as*holes, jerks, and who'd hurt her. I promised her that I'd be different, wouldn't end up being the jerk, wouldn't be the type who damaged her. No one's perfect. I did. I dumped her about three times in a 6 week period, and finally just called it quits. Ironically, I still want her back.............I don't know why though. puzzles me. Maybe I think I can reform.........

Anyhow.

The world is divided into two sets of females, those with pasts and baggage that will determine what kind of male will get them, and those with baggage and pasts who don't care and will settle for the type who abuses them and they'll love them regardless.

The world is also of course divided into two sets of males. the 90% who are the big wigs, and the best of the best, who get the women because they have the looks, the money, yada yada, and the 10% who get the women because they worked hard to impress her, to help, to listen. to be there when she needed someone.