Let's talk about romantic privacy, guys

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yesplease
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19 Jan 2008, 8:09 pm

I think making it explicitly clear what social scene the other user can share the convos/info with would be the best course of action regardless of gender.



TheMidnightJudge
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19 Jan 2008, 8:22 pm

Yup, any way we could sort of establish this on aspie affection?



EvilKimEvil
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19 Jan 2008, 11:38 pm

techstepgenr8tion wrote:
catspurr wrote:
It comes across as revenge for not getting what they want out of a girl.


Yeah I'd figure this much.


This is the way I see it too. Personally, I'm troubled by the trend of people (mostly guys, it seems) assuming that when a girl communicates with you, she implicitly agrees to some kind of long-term commitment. I don't understand why people have to get upset when communication drops off--there are many possible reasons and therefore it is not rational to take it personally.

I know that there are many different reasons for which I might stop communicating with someone, and I do not take it personally when someone stops communicating with me. However, some guys evidently feel the need to barrage a girl with PMs just because they PMed her once or twice and she did not write back. Dealing with this kind of behavior is unpleasant enough; I certainly would not want such an individual to create a thread about me and the fact that I don't always reply to PMs. It would certainly come across as vindictive and intending to cause humiliation.

BTW, maybe there is some way to provide information on what to expect when you communicate with a random stranger online. It could explain that such communication could end abruptly for a myriad of different reasons, that to take it personally does not make sense, and that to seek revenge (in any form) is probably the worst way to respond. It could recommend more constructive ways to handle this form of perceived rejection.



Kalister1
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19 Jan 2008, 11:45 pm

8O

Ever seen Taxi Driver?
Don't respond to the wrong PM, and bam, people die.

Food for thought, food for thought. :lol:



EvilKimEvil
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20 Jan 2008, 12:14 am

Kalister1 wrote:
8O

Ever seen Taxi Driver?
Don't respond to the wrong PM, and bam, people die.

Food for thought, food for thought. :lol:


Yeah, you never know what's gonna set someone off. :lol: Actually, it's kind of scary . . .



yesplease
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20 Jan 2008, 12:23 am

Well, that isn't totally true. We know it's quite likely tobe something negative, so as long as someone communicates clearly and honestly while avoiding negative behavior it's likely they won't send anyone over the edge.



Gamester
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20 Jan 2008, 1:54 am

Kalister1 wrote:
8O

Ever seen Taxi Driver?
Don't respond to the wrong PM, and bam, people die.

Food for thought, food for thought. :lol:


HUH?

what's TD got to do with anything?


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autodidact
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20 Jan 2008, 11:24 am

juliekitty wrote:
I'm a little troubled by a trend I've noticed lately, of WP guys corresponding with girls and then posting the conversations, the girls' names or nicknames and even pics on WP forums.

There are enough reasons I might not answer an e-mail on aspieaffection. Please don't add to it the fear that a guy might post the results of our communications on the forums for all to see.


Well said Julie. This stuff is just disrespectful (IMO).


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techstepgenr8tion
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20 Jan 2008, 1:28 pm

EvilKimEvil wrote:
This is the way I see it too. Personally, I'm troubled by the trend of people (mostly guys, it seems) assuming that when a girl communicates with you, she implicitly agrees to some kind of long-term commitment. I don't understand why people have to get upset when communication drops off--there are many possible reasons and therefore it is not rational to take it personally.


People are f'd up and because of that everyone has to deal with the paranoia and overcaution that comes as a result. I completely agree though, I don't get it. Talking, dating, and all that is what you'd refer to as 'testing the waters'. People typically don't know a person well enough just talking to them online, nor do they have any idea on the existence of chemistry - having it be to where correspondence at all is an obligation or some kind of sealed deal is just f'd up in my opinion because it doesn't allow at all for an intelligent choice in the matter. For me, my idea on dating, I'll try to get things to a IRL date but only as a further means of feeling things out - if she's dissinterested I'd figure "Oh well, nice meeting you all the same" because I could have just as easily been not attracted to her (or it could just as easily be that neither of us are feeling it).

I'm thinking that grabbiness and vindictive streak some people have though is really just a result of not really understanding how they work, how other people work, or the things that people can and can't control on this level. When I was a kid I did some pretty stupid things and caused some hurt in various regards but that's just it, I was a kid and I got myself away from it pretty quick.



techstepgenr8tion
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20 Jan 2008, 1:40 pm

EvilKimEvil wrote:
I know that there are many different reasons for which I might stop communicating with someone, and I do not take it personally when someone stops communicating with me. However, some guys evidently feel the need to barrage a girl with PMs just because they PMed her once or twice and she did not write back. Dealing with this kind of behavior is unpleasant enough; I certainly would not want such an individual to create a thread about me and the fact that I don't always reply to PMs. It would certainly come across as vindictive and intending to cause humiliation.


Something else though, I'll share a scenario that did happen recently and I'll be tactful enough to just explain the dynamic rather than speak of the person. I did have someone PM me, show at least more of an interest in the idea of us talking and dating - partly over location. We talked back and forth, I learned a little about her and vice a versa, and after about 4 rounds of PM she didn't respond to the last one. My choice was to not think too much of it but rather a week later I wished her a happy thanksgiving and shot her an update (I'll do that with people just to make sure that they didn't forget to reply - if there's no reply to that last shout out I typically feel like I have a better grasp on what's going on there). No reply, so I just shrugged and figured that either I literally just wasn't her kind of person, she may have gotten self-conscious for one reason or another, or alternatively she may have read some of my posts in here and come to some conclusions of my character (everyone's world is different just as much as how they'll read and what they'll impute into people's thoughts and intention). Regardless, I don't believe in hard feelings over that sort of thing. Maybe because I've rejected a few women in my life myself to where I've learned how it is from the other side of things; at least its helped me understand what its like to have that feeling of trying to push two positive or negative magnets together for someone else's benefit.


EvilKimEvil wrote:
BTW, maybe there is some way to provide information on what to expect when you communicate with a random stranger online. It could explain that such communication could end abruptly for a myriad of different reasons, that to take it personally does not make sense, and that to seek revenge (in any form) is probably the worst way to respond. It could recommend more constructive ways to handle this form of perceived rejection.


Yeah. Like shrug, go have a beer, and watch some TV.