People of the 40-ish age.........

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My parents married when my mother was 22 and dad was 35. They had 3 kids and stayed married until he died from cancer 23 years later. I think they may have both been aspie. Marriages work or not depending on how much both parties are willing to contribute to make it work. As long as neither partner expects the other to take all of the work and compromise required it can work.

Is this someone you can and want to work out a marriage with? Is this someone who can and wants to work out a marriage with you? If both are "yes" then it can be done.

Damn the age, it's the maturity and love that count.

My parents were 10 years apart (39 and 49 at marriage, 45 and 55 when I was born).

A house, a meal ticket, and a sperm donor --- well, isn't that all part of the package?

where did you miss that we've been good friends for 2 yrs?

im sorry for your bad attitude, but it hasn't been easy for me either.

If Aspie men were better off with older women, then wouldn't that imply that Aspie men would be better off with surrogate mothers?

I'm 36 and am very good friends with a girl of 22. Although we're not an item in any way (she has a fella) age never comes into the friendship at all. I never find myself saying things like "when you get to my age" or "when I was your age", thankfully. We're just on the same level really, same interests, it feels good.

If she was single and we did get on I'd have no hesitation in getting involved, age really isn't the issue. Whether this is aspie-esque thought processing I'm not sure. I certainly don't feel chained to what is expected of my age, the way NTs peg achievement by certain ages.

Really, as long as both parties are happy and together for the right reasons it really shouldn't matter. Just ignore the people who's only contribution to the relationship is to subtract one age from the other and criticise.

The problem was that these women were obsessed with getting married and making babies. They did not care anything about me or any hapless male victim they could sucker into marrying. Those things are part of the package if and only if both people care about each other and not just the things that the man can provide. There is not a lot of difference between 39 and 49 but there is a huge difference between 40 and 25.

Absolutely not. My girlfriend is 11 years older and she has her house and I have mine. It is the only relationship I have had that is one of equals. She does not look at me as a father fiqure/provider/protector and I do not view her as a mother figure. With an older woman there is not that constant pressure to provide her with a house and babies.

I didn't mean to come across as harsh or with a bad attitude. Remember we're Aspie's here and things don't always come out the way they were intended.

If after 2 years have passed and nothing has happened then it is time to move on. If I remember correctly this man is someone you work with. It is absolutely stupid for a man to get romantically involved with someone he works with. He will lose his job and there will be nothing he can do about it. That's one reason why nothing has happened. If he is not married by 39 then he probably doesn't want the responsibilty. I have no doubt that he is concerned that if a relationship were to develop then it would just be a matter of time before you started wanting a ring, a house and babies. Sorry to say but he just isn't the one your looking for.

no worries i'm a good aspie candidate and have elicited many similar rxns myself

these are all things that my brain tells me......

but i can't help how i feel. i do try and date... and it's just miserable.

i think about leaving just so i don't have to see him.

something's bound to change one way or another.

There was a rather big age difference between Pierre and Margaret Trudeau



http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Margaret_Trudeau

I think compatibility is most important. Age and maturity level are two completely different things. I like to keep an open mind to just about anything, reguardless of what others think.

Sedaka,

You are obviously a very intelligent woman but you seem to be fixated on finding that perfect partner. What you need to do is focus on is establishing a career and taking care of yourself. When you reach the point where you don't need that man then you will be able to find one worthy of your time and attention. Once I stopped looking for someone else and focused exclusively on myself then someone came along when the time was right. That sounds stupid and corny but it is true.

Very sage advice. At that age, I also had fixations that were regrettable. But, I also know that you just have to go through with them, and gain some of life's experiences.

My 49-year-old advice would be: decide what it is that you want to do, and then do it.

A career? Bah, humbug. A pestilence on careers.

i am working on my career... but he's right here where im doing it...... everyday.

it would be a huge setback to leave, and i know i wont... im used to suffering.. or simply being less than fullfilled.

There's a lot to be said for the stability and independence that comes with having a career.

It's not only her career that would be jeopardized, either. His would also be placed at risk, and he appears to have decided that he can't afford that risk.

Blowing up a job is something one can end up paying for... for the rest of their life.

It's very high risk.

The first rule of ethics is: don't sh*t where you eat.

If you wish to proceed, then do so cautiously.