Are asperger males doomed to unhappiness in love?

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Whenever I read or hear a message that takes the personal, backslapping tone, I automatically think scam.

To address David DeAngelo's essay from a less prejudiced point of view, I think he still does make some accurate points about fearfulness, poor social-emotional skills, etc.

I highly doubt arrogance plays the role in most "smart guys'" failures with women. He seems to be projecting his own bit of personality here.

David DeAngelo really makes dating beautiful women not worth the effort. He makes dating them sound "unattainable" to aspie guys. What's worse, he makes beautiful women look very viscious and spiteful (although sadly, that's often true). After reading the "Why Intelligent Men..." thread, trying to find a good-looking girl just doesn't seem worth the effort. After years of rejection, I ended up lowering my standards quite a bit. However, since I used to subscribe to DeAngelo's stuff, I adopted some of the less-arrogant parts, and used them when it seemed necessary. This approach worked fairly well.

I want to note that while I am not offended by this advice, I can't really pass up the opportunity to heckle a bit.

Yes. Good advise. Men, accept that you are not always right. Women love this. There is no bigger turn-on than winning an argument. Well, maybe cash.



The only fallacy here is that the caveman would only keep you safe; he might not have the capacity to teach you how to fend for yourself unless you watched him for a few months. So, double-date with dumb, sexually active guys, I guess, because if you want a dumb guy to explain to you how to get chicks you'll get worse advice than a woman telling you how to get chicks. ((If you're still going to read the rest of what I hae to say, you probably don't need to read the rest of the article as it has nothing to do with your current situation. And if you don't get why I said that, you DEFINITELY don't need to read the article. Moving on....))



God, was that good advice. Oh, and to win the lottery, pick the winning numbers. ((I won't dis all of these but that one is informative, not helpful.))



I AM DOOMED TO ULTIMATE FAILURE. Unless this only applies to guys.



I know, I know, this is for guys, but I still got whiplash nodding.



Actually I assume when guys talk about this I have reached the following status: MALE FRIEND. No, wait, STRAIGHT MALE FRIEND. To be clear. No, wait, wait- MYSOGYNISTIC MALE FRIEND. I'm the mysogenistic FEMALE friend, damnit!! !



I've actually been told I passed an "are you a dateable girl" test. I was let into a car first and unlocked the door for the guy before he got to his side, and he actually told me that I had passed said test. Note: I am not dating him. I failed the "no headmeds" test.



She will not. She'll just assume he's trying to -removed due to suggestive content- as soon as possible. ((Oh, come on, how often is that guess erroneous?))



Actually I have no wiseass remark for this one. This one's solid gold.



Wait, was there a tip in there? Oh, right, women are evil and always want to hold power over men. OK, that's not a tip, but there's a paradox here: If women are the enemy and dating is a battleground, what the he-- are you even dating for? Oh, right, -removed for suggestive content-

and posting the article on this site, and what you said in particular, alot of us already ask the question. Sometimes I think about dating, but why bother!? After my various successes and unsuccesses and then reading this and realizing my error, why bother, truly? Why bother with women at all? I sound like the mysogenist here, but after reading all that, whats the freaking point?

The article truly makes the world of dating seem lop-sided. Who is worth all that trouble? This truly makes women (the beautiful kind anyway) seem vindictive and not understanding of anyone. Who would want to court anyone after reading this!?

Maybe its just the current mood i'm in, but I've completely written off the opposite sex. I think I'd rather stay single the rest of my life. More fun, you save more money, less heart ache and you can spend more time on your hobbies.

edit: Oh, and i'll add this:
No matter how hot she is, somewhere out there is a man tired of her s**t.

Last edited by ma_137 on 05 Oct 2005, 11:11 pm, edited 2 times in total.

It also does not take into account the difficult time women have trying to figure out how to find a guy who'll date them, of course. It seems to assume that women all know exactly what they're doing. I have to confess a deep, dark secret here: We may be venusians, but we're human enough to be conufsed, insecure, and social morons, too.

One thing I'll say about David D'Angelo, I'd never read or even heard of him till you posted that. Even though a lot of those points really don't apply to me, a lot of em do - epspecially the intelligent conversation type stuff and self-rationalizing with bad figures. Looks like he's really in the loop though, I think I'll have to do some reading and maybe even get his e-book because what he's throwing at you IS a solution.

Too hard for an aspie? I can't say that because again 'getting it' I think means a lot more than just rote social skills anyway, not that mine are horrible or anything but I've seen some real geeks hitting it off with women and I think it's just because they were lucky enough to have sisters or at least see the right things to have all that register.

Lol, just bought the book and the 3 accompaniments. One way I can rationalize this - even if I'm too humble and yeah, too logical, to wanna pick up every girl who I think is attractive I'd at least like to do a better job or being able to read em, understand em, sort the good and bad apples out, knowing who really likes me vs. who's scamming me, and in general help me watch my own back as well in life. Lots of reasons to check this out really...

Well, yeah, but the vast majority of women are not on the autistic spectrum. Then again, neither are most men.

..

Last edited by acousticvalley on 09 Nov 2005, 2:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Ah, well . . . I certainly don't think DeAngelo is golden. And the comments above are correct: his advice is targeted at those guys trying to pick up socially adept women. But he goes into more detail in his e-book and asks you to ascertain your women goals first. Frankly, I find his descriptions of women to be those out of my league, and whom I would not really be interested in anyway. However, the ideas he gives you are a good starting point, because the principles behind can help put you into the proper mindset. Besides, he's trying to set you up against the "best" (i.e. hardest) sorts of women. If you try and fail against them, you can more than likely attract the sort of thoughtful, introverted girl you're looking for.

For sure, but it's not even the experience so much as the pretension, which can be just as effective. What DeAngelo speaks of are women whom most consider to be incredibly beautiful. They're hit on by men all the time, so we're told, and quite jaded. It would follow that if a guy can pick one them up through reading DeAngelo's advice, he can pick up any girl he wants, including those cute social morons.

And this is the most profound realization you can possibly have about the whole stupid mating game. Ironically, you're much more likely to succeed after realizing this, because maybe then you'll know what you really want.

I agree with MT 137 that the game is more than a little lop-sided and sheisty, I totally agree that it's a diss when the intolerance of one way or another is a one way street. Problem is you just look at the human mating structure and how we've done it for millions of years. That thing about psyching them into believing your something has a lot of value though and from what he's saying and from what I've seen just from a lot of guys they work with, I've gotta agree that they do love unpredictable.

I find my own happiness in recalibrating how I see stuff though when I stumble on it - whether a new truth deepens the value and meaning of life or cheapens the hell out of it. Then again I think it's a little dangerous to go to too far to one side or the other but still, accuracy means a lot to means a lot to me. I realise I can't mourn when I find out the world isn't what I'd hoped it was because I also realise that what ever way it was is the way it is and the way it will be; truth is going on arround us at. Best thing I can do is just adapt to it, adapt my expectations, and try to stay as realistic as I can.

what about aspie girls? haha i think it's great that you guys aren't all looking for the hottest girl in the room. you'll all probably meet someone really special and genuine soon enough

i mean i usually seem to get guys' attention, but then i'll freak out and end the flirting... i still have no idea how to really get things going!

You could try my award-winning pickup line (and I kid you not on this): "If you're really desperate..."

BTW, I read that David DeAngelo book and I was actually pretty surprised on just how much I've actually been doing right as it is. I think the key issues I had though were more in terms of acting decisively in terms of how I handled women in general and having all the things I've learned aggregated properly to say I knew what was up for sure. At least now I won't be scolding myself when I do things right.

Very true. After subscribing to DeAngelo's stuff for a couple of months, I became more and more dissatisfied with his description of women. He makes every woman out there look like a complete [female dog]. So that left me wondering: Why bother with the good-looking women if they're all such [female dogs] (at least according to the author). So I lowered my standards to near rock-bottom instead.

LOl, he's right about the women I know IRL at least - whether they let it on immediately or not. They like guys who can do all that to em and often times either scorn or semi-scorn (cold-shoulder) the guys who can't.