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How to compliment women?

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yesplease
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04 Apr 2008, 8:17 pm

roguetech wrote:
MikeH106 wrote:
Why do women find desperation unattractive?

Nobody laugh at me for asking. Calling questions stupid makes people stupid.
In addition to the above, it also suggests you'll be prone to co-dependancy in the (a) relationship, be a stalker, and/or put their peices in a freezer if they were to break up with you after dating.
:roll:



Lurv
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06 Apr 2008, 10:06 am

MikeH106 wrote:
Lurv wrote:
MikeH106 wrote:
Why do women find desperation unattractive?


It's kind of pathetic.


That's a circular argument. It's unattractive because it's pathetic, and it's pathetic becase it's judged unattractive.

I want real answer.


If someone is attractive and is desperate, they are still pathetic.



Veresae
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06 Apr 2008, 7:46 pm

"My goodness. I'm dumbfounded. Your beauty is so striking, I can scarcely speak. Please, I am so humbly sorry for speaking to you in this way, but you...you are a GODDESS...I am a mere ant at your feet...a mere speck of dirt, compared to your indescribable loveliness. Were this another time, there would be statues made of you, so that all could see your beauty and gasp in awe and wonder." Pause. "You, me, bushes. Five minutes."



spudnik
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06 Apr 2008, 8:01 pm

Lie no, matter how bad the truth is, previous experience



yesplease
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06 Apr 2008, 8:13 pm

Lurv wrote:
If someone is attractive and is desperate, they are still pathetic.
I'm pretty sure that goes back to the whole circular dealy. So... Why are people who are desperate unattractive?



D1nk0
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06 Apr 2008, 8:17 pm

MikeH106 wrote:
Don't compliment them? Are you serious?


If you know them and/or are going on a date with them then it will be better recieved. If they are strangers, its kind of iffy.
But if you do, dont expect anything from them-like a date or a phone #.

Who_Am_I wrote:
If people are desperate, they are more likely to settle for just anyone rather than someone who they find special. Most people like to feel special and don't like the idea that they are with someone whose chosen them just because they would have them.


EXACTLY, That is by far the best explanation Ive ever heard. BTW Lurv, you really sound like a Ditzy valleygirl with your reply to MikeH106s question. We really dont need that kind of patronizing here so like, cut it out, Ok? :lol:

Viska wrote:
Almost everyone who answered this missed the point. Desperation is a social signal that conveys information about you. If someone is desperate for attention, it probably means that person gets rejected by almost everyone he tries to befriend / start a relationship with. If he's consistently rejected by others who know him better than you, it means that he probably isn't a very good friend / partner to have in terms of value.

It may sound unfair, and it is unfair, but this is how our brains work. In lieu of appropriate first-hand knowledge, we unconsciously make decisions based on second hand knowledge. Example: ("I don't know Johnny, but I know that he has a lot of friends and that everyone likes him, so he must be a fun guy to have as a friend.") This example working in reverse is what desperation sends out.

This is the same reason that when the exact same wine costs more, people think that it tastes better. In this case, they're using the market as the source of second-hand knowledge.


You're correct that desperation is percieved by young women(teens through mid 20s) as being a sign of low status and women in general are pretty much wired to be turned off by low status men. But Viska, the mentality you are describing is exceedingly juvenile and once people are beyond the highschool/college phase of life and people tend to have their own circles of friends and arent so focused on status withint a group this sort of thing doesnt matter as much anymore.



Veresae
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06 Apr 2008, 10:43 pm

Hmmm.

Quote:
If people are desperate, they are more likely to settle for just anyone rather than someone who they find special. Most people like to feel special and don't like the idea that they are with someone whose chosen them just because they would have them.


What if you're desperate but unwilling to settle? Wouldn't it be a compliment, then, to the woman who you were approaching?



D1nk0
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06 Apr 2008, 11:37 pm

Veresae wrote:
Hmmm.

Quote:
If people are desperate, they are more likely to settle for just anyone rather than someone who they find special. Most people like to feel special and don't like the idea that they are with someone whose chosen them just because they would have them.


What if you're desperate but unwilling to settle? Wouldn't it be a compliment, then, to the woman who you were approaching?



NO.



Alaspi
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09 Apr 2008, 3:59 am

oh my gosh women can be confusing. i find the best way to compliment them is to have a compliment in mind and then try and form a conversation around that compliment and then just slip it in without pausing.



MrSinister
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09 Apr 2008, 1:36 pm

AS4Life wrote:
viska wrote:
Nice post AS4Life. I agree 100%. Now I just wish I had figured these things out before I was 25. :cry:


Don't worry, I'm as old as you and I had to be TOLD that. Also haven't had much of a chance to put that any knowledge to practical use. Seeing as how i'm not good at hiding my insecurities and I haven't been able to truly master that flirtive teasing stuff. (kinda fun to do though sometimes, with a responsive group of people)


Me neither... although there is a bizarre little part of me that likes to flirt outrageously, for some reason. Pity the rest of me isn't so clued in or confident :(


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Why so serious?


viska
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09 Apr 2008, 6:16 pm

D1nk0 wrote:
You're correct that desperation is percieved by young women(teens through mid 20s) as being a sign of low status and women in general are pretty much wired to be turned off by low status men. But Viska, the mentality you are describing is exceedingly juvenile and once people are beyond the highschool/college phase of life and people tend to have their own circles of friends and arent so focused on status withint a group this sort of thing doesnt matter as much anymore.


I disagree. This phenomenon exists throughout all ages. The reason it doesn't seem to exist within social circles is that they generally contain people of the same status.



D1nk0
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09 Apr 2008, 8:30 pm

viska wrote:
D1nk0 wrote:
You're correct that desperation is percieved by young women(teens through mid 20s) as being a sign of low status and women in general are pretty much wired to be turned off by low status men. But Viska, the mentality you are describing is exceedingly juvenile and once people are beyond the highschool/college phase of life and people tend to have their own circles of friends and arent so focused on status withint a group this sort of thing doesnt matter as much anymore.


I disagree. This phenomenon exists throughout all ages. The reason it doesn't seem to exist within social circles is that they generally contain people of the same status.


Now that I think about I have to agree with you. Its much harder to measure the social status of total strangers as an adult unless you are within a community where people know one another. But once you get past youth people have other measures of status besides how many friends you have and how "cool" other people think you are.



Aeneas_Iactatus
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11 Apr 2008, 10:33 pm

D1nk0 wrote:
viska wrote:
D1nk0 wrote:
You're correct that desperation is percieved by young women(teens through mid 20s) as being a sign of low status and women in general are pretty much wired to be turned off by low status men. But Viska, the mentality you are describing is exceedingly juvenile and once people are beyond the highschool/college phase of life and people tend to have their own circles of friends and arent so focused on status withint a group this sort of thing doesnt matter as much anymore.


I disagree. This phenomenon exists throughout all ages. The reason it doesn't seem to exist within social circles is that they generally contain people of the same status.


Now that I think about I have to agree with you. Its much harder to measure the social status of total strangers as an adult unless you are within a community where people know one another. But once you get past youth people have other measures of status besides how many friends you have and how "cool" other people think you are.


It's still not a bad idea to join a church or some other social group. If you share an interest with others, they may tolerate your oddness long enough to become friends.



JohnHopkins
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12 Apr 2008, 3:34 pm

I'm not sure that joining a church is the right move to make if you're trying to get laid.



Aeneas_Iactatus
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12 Apr 2008, 8:48 pm

JohnHopkins wrote:
I'm not sure that joining a church is the right move to make if you're trying to get laid.


Well, if that's the only goal, yes (although it does depend how liberal the church is). I was merely suggesting a place which is likely to have a coffee hour, where one could get practice in casual conversation, meet new people without too much pressure, and be in a relatively safe environment.



jo821
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13 Apr 2008, 6:06 pm

well...I'm a girl, and I can tell you that even I know how hard the complimenting thing can be.
First of, you need to be honest. If not, insecure girls may think you're having a laugh. Next, telling someone they're very pretty right after you met them...not so good, unless you hit if off tremendously well. Also, be original, but you have to mean it. It's all a matter of showing someone you like them. I guess smiling works too! Hope this helps!