I dont understand why no one will date me....

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Hmm maybe...

although the reason its *A* girlfriend is because ive been hurt too much in the past by allowing myself to fall in love with an individual only to have them crush me by calling me ugly, and repulsive then ignore me for a few weeks....

so i take the approach of wait till someone shows an interest in me (im not very fussy) and let myself fall in love with them.... simple

women have negative reactions of me approaching them, so let them come to me...

is my reasoning wrong?

anyhoo im off for 3/4 days to Wales... i will check my threads and PM's then

bye everybody!!

I think what she meant was you should look for a specific type of person--i.e. certain interests, beliefs, etc.

I don't think he read what I said.

....because you are pathetic.

Well, I like your looks and would certainly try dating you. But the problem is, I know you wouldn't want to date me.

You're much better looking than my Aspie 'boyfriend'....and you dress better too. He doesn't give a damn how he looks.

Looks may not have anything to do with it. I've seen girls in the arms of guys that were so ugly that if I had a dog as ugly as they were, I'd have shaved its a$$ and made it walk backwards.

You're not ugly, trust me. The NT guys I know who get lots of women tell me it has nothing to do with looks. It's all attitude, approach, and being a smooth talker, a fun guy, etc. is what they say.

Your appearance seems relatively normal. Just don't exaggerate your smile as it looks a bit forced...basically, if your face feels like its muscles are tensing up, you're doing it wrong...Aside from that, I can't really offer any advice other than keep calm, remain calm, don't panic, and stay calm. No girl is THE ONE, and none of them will ever be your last chance for love...bleh.

I've found the best way to get girls is to not try.

Just don't go TOO far that direction, or people will consider you just a friend...which is another way of saying you're about as sexually attractive as Charlie Brown...good grief.

It's not totally true you get that from not trying. Being a master-of-just-friends I'd say the biggest danger is trying in the wrong way. That is trying by being friendly, trustworthy, supportive etcetera and forgetting to be funny, sexy, interesting. With the first method of trying the girl in question already has you for herself, she doesn't have to go to the next level and if a real boyfriend is there you are always a nice reserve to complain to. So I'd say not trying might actually work better if you want to have a girlfriend. On the other hand there is nothing wrong in particular with being just friends with a girl ofcourse. It's far better than nothing and makes you learn a lot on women.

To get back to the TS:
I am quite sure it's not your looks. As a man it is hard to judge ofcourse but I think you fall into the category 80% of the men fall into: no brad pitt, no quasimodo. Most of these men do okay. Your attitude needs some brushing up though. The whole trying question aside you must always be somewhat attractive in your general disposition. 'Come to me' is an an attitude only very few men can afford. I know about getting hurt and that whole idea, but you just have to deal with that and keep going on...

that, or stop complaining.

yeah i don't think your looks are ugly. you look fine,its probably to do with your self confidence.

[rant. . .]

Last edited by Whisperer on 07 Apr 2008, 10:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Wow, well, first, you look a bit like me, but you're skinnier, a little paler, and have slightly shorter hair (I'll post pics later if ya want). I don't think you mentioned your age. How old are you? Anyway, I think you should get a bit of a tan. To a lot of NT women, pale skin on a guy has a sort of negative connotation; you know, a lazy guy, a guy that doesn't get out much, etc. Not saying you're like that, but it could be the first thing that pops into a girl's mind when you talk to her.

Now, about your personality. You say you haven't asked a girl out in two years and you say that no one has shown interest in you. Here's the thing, bro: you can't always rely on the women to show blatant, unmistakable cues. You're not in high school anymore, and by the time most girls graduate high school, they're over their flirty phase. Now, girls in the bars you frequent or wherever may be showing subtle cues, but you could be missing them. As folks with AS, we sometimes have a hard time distinguishing signs of interest from commonplace comments. I know I did. Be alert when you're talking to a girl, and always make the first move. Even if it's "hey, wanna meet up for lunch at the Uni cafeteria tomorrow?" It's a process.

Step out of your social circle a little, and try not to ask friends out. Been there, done that. Asked out two girls who were my friends. In both cases, the relationship ended within a month, and to boot, neither are still a friend. My first successful relationship was with a girl who I had never talked to before, but looked too interesting to pass up a chat with. I'm still in that relationship, nearly two years later. You can accentuate your good qualities. A sense of humor will get you far, long as you don't take it to excessive, class clown levels. However,

a self deprecating sense of humor will not get you far at all. Even if you were 100% kidding, this is a bad attitude to present to women.

Hey there!

How can you, for a second, believe you are ugly???? LOL You are NOT ugly. Seriously, I've looked at your pics, you're pretty attractive and have nice facial features! I am not traying to make you feel better, I have no reason to. This is the truth, the way I see it.

We need to know a whole lot more about the circumstance when the girl called you ugly and repulsive. Was she your girlfriend? Did you guys have an ugly breakup..or a tense relationship when stuff was said on both sides? People sometimes say things just to hurt you, as they know words hurt. They may not even mean it...they may just react to you hurting them. It's complicated, as you know.

As a girl, I do not like when a guy seems desperate. I don't understand it when he wants to jump into a "serious, meaningful, intense relationship"...after we have just met. Girls need time and they don't like to feel pushed or rushed. IMO, keep your expectations low about any girl you want to meet...and keep them low during dating.....and even a few months into a relationship. You don't know her (she might not be your dream girl), she doesn't know you...if you don't jump into it, if you don't rush, if you don't push..you won't get hurt if it doesn't work out.

Act confident, act as if you are a relaxed guy, one that can take a joke, that can laugh at himself. Listen to people..girls included. If you ever feel te urge to be the "know-it-all," stop. Don't correct people all the time (I'm not saying you do). Don't push your interests exclusively...open up to what the girl thinks and is interested in. It's a turn off to have a guy suddently try to change everything about you, try to take control or push his own views on everything. You are you, she is ..she.

And also, most girls probably want a guy that does stuff that guys do (act a bit macho:) Sure we say we want a man who is sensitive and caring..but also a guy who GIVES US SPACE, wants to spend time doing his own thing, with his buddies, not with us 24/7. It's reassuring to know both can still have their own thing, from time to time.

I'm not sure what type of girl you're trying to date...if you're trying to go after the cheerleader type...oh well, then when in Rome, do what the Romans do..talk about some stuff they're interested in: cars, footbal, going to the gym, act "cool," wear trendy clothes..


Go to the GYM! It will boost your confidence! You'll build more muscle AND you can brag about it with the girls.

Not so seriously try to avoid the "fine poncho" smile.