Advantageous Traits of Aspies in Romantic Relationships?

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Oh my! People in the Love and Dating forum are actually talking sense. What does this mean?

Yep. Surely in a population of billions there must be at least one girl that is 'the right one' for me and vice-versa, but given what a small proportion of those billions I will actually meet it doesn't look so promising.

I think you pretty much entirely missed my point- I'm trying to offer you hope here, and you just keep shooting it down.

Let me explain the whole soulmate thing...I know your concern, but consider this:

I'm guessing the majority of people in this world NEVER DO meet their soulmate- why do you think there are so many divorces and whatnot...my guess is half the time they meet their SUBSTITUTE, instead.

See, there's someone for everyone- but there are also SUBSTITUTES for everyone...granted, you probably won't connect as well with your substitute, but you can still have a decent life with them...you might just have to do a lot more work, and put up with a lot more stuff, but they are out there.

And if you're wondering "how do I find my soulmate". Do what it is you do- your soulmate shares the same values you do...so just keep doing what it is you're doing, and you'll find him/her.

My main point, initially, was the way our AS actually helps us in finding that right person...but being half of you here are so flippin' negative, of course that went right over yer freakin' heads...

That's definitely one way to look at it... Did she know at the time that you were an Aspie? My guy and I keep trying again (we're on our 3rd or 4th go round - depending on how you count it) and each time we start building again, it's always better than the last time... Just before this time I explained about having Asperger's (because I didn't know before that) and I'm hoping that this will allow him to understand that I am different and he can't judge what I do by the same rules he's done before. It has been 200 times better this time...

[quote=Katidid24]See, I don't mind if he's honest with me in ways that I may not like or appreciate, but in a way it's a bit like constructive critisism so it's like he can tell me honestly what our realtionship may need to work on and I tend to speak my mind quite a bit so it works both ways, yes it might piss us off at times but then we each relize well, if we work on these things maybe it will bring us even closer together and so far it has worked. I love that my boyfriend is honest it helps me go on with life knowing that I can constantly improve on things! Very Happy[/quote]

That is encouraging... I would like to get to this point... I'm at this point with my friends and it is wonderful to have people who ask you for your opinion because they know you'll give it straight up. (Like when John - my trans F-M housemate - asks me if I can tell he has boobs when we're out in public... he asks me because he know I won't say something just to make him feel better... the thing that comes flying out of my mouth is pure honesty. ;oD

Thanks for trying to give us hope and all (I got it no worries)

However, I do not believe in the soul-mate thing...I just think it's a bunch of sentimentality misplaced.

I must say that AS and NT relations are better. I have no interest in AS girls, I am a totally for NTs, because I have NT interests, I dress NT, I look NT too as well, but I have some of my AS tendencies, like taking my life to the next step. I am growing out of many typical AS traits, but I still have a long way to go.

I'm not autistic and when I started dating my husband I had no idea he had AS (either did he for that matter, though I think he had his suspicions).

From what I've read and my own experience with him, he's less likely to stray. For one thing, he doesn't have a lot of opportunity to do so, as he doesn't socialize much.

Speaking of which, some of my girlfriends complain because their husbands are always running off with "The Boys". My husband has a lot of casual friends but no one that he hangs out with or spends time with other than me so no fear of that happening.

That isn't to say that he's clingy (I hate that!) it's just the opposite, he enjoys doing things with me when I feel like it but he's happy to do things alone or with his son when I'm not in the mood.

I used to get very nervous dating men because they always wanted to move WAY too fast. It wasn't like that with my husband. We sort of dated for months while I waited for him to make a move. Then one night he said "tonight if felt like we were a couple, what do you think about that"? It was so cute!

I do love his honesty and his strong ethics. He wouldn't dream of bending rules and I like that about him. Sometimes the honesty is a bit much, for example, if your girlfriend asks you if you fantasize about other women while making love to her, the correct answer is NO!


Other things I love...

I am fascinated with his brilliant mind and his ability to learn new things so quickly. I love the way he sees the world. We never get bored or run out of things to talk about.

He appreciates everything I do for him and tells me so daily.

I don't know if these things would be enough if he wasn't also very physically affectionate. He loves to cuddle and give hugs and I know that's not the case for all people with AS but it would have been a deal breaker for me.

Another thing I love is that even though he's very manly, he's not worried about appearing "macho". He is fine with doing the dishes or vacuuming or cooking...he isn't homophobic, isn't shallow and materialistic about looks or money. He's into whatever he's into and doesn't care a bit about being "cool".

God, I could go on and on. I love my husband so much, even when his special interests (which change) are boring to me, even when he does strange quirky things or makes my friends uncomfortable...he is so damn awesome in every way. I can honestly say that there is nothing about him that I would change.

He is not perfect, but he is perfect for me!

I know four separate chicks that love FPS's. 1 of them plays them exclusively, met her on L4D2. The others I met on non-FPS games, but they enjoy them.

I dunno how much this is 'aspie' traits, but I'll put down which advantages I think I have:

-able to understand that a guy plopped down in front of a computer or TV NEEDS to relax, and does NOT want to 'talk'. Hell, when I'M plopped in front of either device, neither do I.

-I do NOT understand the crazy things women do. I would never do them myself. Getting upset over ridiculous things, such as forgetting what day an anniversary is, or complaining that they're not being paid enough attention to. Thus I would be maybe one of the FEW women that understand men more than I understand women.

-I like to think about problems logically rather than emotionally.

I'm not really into romance, it kind of makes me feel alot of pressure just thinking about trying to 'act right' in a romantic date or something. I would feel like I would have to be fake.

I am loyal, faithful, compassionate, intelligent, supportive.

I think though that so many people are looking to resolve trauma in childhood from bad parenting that they are really looking more for psychos to work that stuff out with, rather than positive traits.

I'm not sure how any of these things are affected by AS, but they're things I've noticed that I do but most others don't, so it points to being a result of AS.

Honesty... This is important. If there is some sort of problem between a couple and it's never discussed because they both lie saying they're fine, it'll never get sorted and it'll get worse. In my relationships I've always tried to talk about things that were wrong so they can be fixed. Also, of course, there's the obvious advantage of honesty, being that you don't lie about things in day-to-day conversations. Again, very important.

Romantic/sweet... I've been called this a lot! It's something that makes you attractive to women, and something they really like. Now, I dunno if this has anything to do with AS, but from what I've been told it's not normal to be as "sweet" as I am. I don't actually try to do it though, I just end up doing it when I like someone. It's rarely a concious decision. But certainly a good thing!

Considerate... This is something I'm not too sure about. I'm told by my mum that I often come accross selfish/rude/whatever. However, I do make a concious effort to be considerate when it concerns someone I care about, and I think it works quite well.

Knowledgeable... I know lots about a few things, but I fail to see how it helps relationships.

Loyal... I am loyal, I'd never cheat or anything. Not sure how that links to AS, but I assume that it's related to the honesty thing?

These are highly questionable, I'd say not true in general.

It depends on what kind of knowledge you mean or in what circumstances people with AS are determined. In the sense I'm thinking of (knowledge in a special subject and determination to follow the same routine or to follow a particular plan in order), I can't see how either would be particularly advantageous in romantic relationships.

I'll give you this much, at least. Though some women may find that off-putting.

Though this is speculative, the people with AS I've met have often varied with great extremes between people who are actually quite overbearing when they start getting to know you, to people who are very quiet and would probably not convey their interest as much as they should.

No mind games. That's what I love about my SO the most. He's straightforward, honest and reliable, and I never have to second guess his motives. It took some time to learn to appreciate these qualities, because I was so used to the constant interpreting, questioning and subtle manipulation that mark so many NT relationships. When it finally sunk in that I would never have to play those games with him it was a huge relief. Before that he almost drove me mad though, and probably the other way around too.