Why do women send mixed signals?

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Too late, I already broke it off due to her massive pot use.

I am a female and I had that SAME problem with a guy. I mean the SAME problem. never fif get that one figred out. He's with someone else now and Im all alone. But its cool he was sending way too many mixed signals and i like being with out confusion!

Geez, why do women send mixed messages.
If only my vulture wings could carry me that far.

KenM, I think it's because she wanted you to do that back to her - ie. jokingly do the opposit of what she tells you, tell her you could never imagine wanting to be anything more than friends while you're dead-on flirting with her, that's something inherent in a lot of women's wiring where they feed off of that in ways we really can't appreciate as much. Yeah, when you have difficulties reading people it really sucks and I'm kinda with you on this more or less because I'm stuck at another step where I can read it, read the intent behind it, but never have enough clever responses inventoried in the back of my head.

Nothing to see folks...move along...

Last edited by techstepgenr8tion on 23 Oct 2005, 1:22 pm, edited 2 times in total.

tsk, tsk, techstep - everyone else managed to avoid that particular reference, you evil creature (even though i'm sure it wasn't just you who thought it... ).

sorry - you'll have to edit it, or the thread will have to be moved to the mature forum.

Vivi
(as Mod)

Part of the reason I'm so frustrated over this is all this stuff happened AFTER I told her flat out: "I have trouble reading things I need you to be straghtforward with me." And she agreed. Or so I thought. Maybe it was not worth it. She must not have thought too much of me if she could not respect my wishes to be straghtforward.

Yeah, you can't ask an NT women to understand or respect the fact that you have AS - they technically could, but as a general rule they won't.

You definitely have a point there and I've had that kind of game tried on me as well (as far as I know, that's one I usually pass just fine on). Only question is in Ken M's case, do you think it was mostly that or do you think she might have been desparately trying to start some banter with him on it as well? I could kinda see it both ways.

UPDATE: I have been praying for a sign on how Heidi is doing. My mom is a recovering addict, thats why I have all the issues with people doing drugs. My mom goes to "meetings", last night my Mom ran into Heidi at a meeting. IMO this is good, she is admitting that she has a problem and is working on it.
When i broke it off, Heidi did not think she had a problem, so I know she is changing. Should I try and get back with Her? it was a really bad break off. She threatened me with a restraining order, so I have mixed feelings. I still have feelings for Her.

In short? No. Sounds like she has enough on her plate to deal with. It also sounds like she REALLY didn't want to be with you when she broke up. I would leave it at that: if she initiates contact, then think some more about it, but until then, save yourself the trouble.

KenM, I thnk you should definitately go to AlAnon.
I think you could also use some Adult Children of Alcoholics meetings.
AlAnon meetings are easier to find. Sounds to me like you might have some issues, not necessarily a bad thing.

As a person with considerable recovery experience, I wouldn't get involved with anyone in their first year of recovery from anything. It's a year of considerable growth and change. I wouldn't want to impede the process, especially for someone I really care about.

So, I would wait a year before going out with her romantically again.

See other people, explore life. If twelve months from now she's still clean, and your still interested then go for it. Meanwhile, I would also suggest that you read this book first suggested to me by a member of AlAnon who read it while wondering why he kept getting involved with sick addicts and alcoholics. "How to be an Adult in Relationships" by David Richo

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1570628122/104-4257431-9035956?v=glance&n=283155&n=507846&s=books&v=glance

Another update. Heidi wants my Mom to sponsoer Her. She left a message on myMom's phone saying she smiles when she thinks of me but she is not sure if it will work, she admited she may have crossed the line and sent me mixed signals. We'll see. My Mom says she is still in the early stages of recovery so wait until she is ready and she contacts me, I should not contact her.

Your mom is a wise woman.
If you truly care about this girl and yourself, you will wait until she gets some serious clean time.
Cause, if she does the steps thouroughly and honestly, she will be a far happier / healthier person with a lot more self esteem.

You still need to figure out why you were attracted to having a relationship with a sick addict, and what you will do diferently next time.

When we first met and got to know each other, she either was not using or hiding it from me. At that time she told me she used to smoke pot but she did not have the need to anymore. Then I did not see her for a month or so, and after that, she was using and started to say things like "I can't be fake with you." Its when i saw her using all the time I had the reaction I did. It was the first time since my Mom was using I saw someone I care about using.

Well i can never tell if a girl is really interested in me or not. Sometimes I can get talking them to a lot and they laugh and smile but this doesnt necessarily mean anything. The only time i could tell when a girl fancied me is when she laughed at one of my jokes and no one else did. Which was pretty obvious. She also wrote me a letter telling me how she felt which was also a small hint. But without these dead give-aways i had no idea. Can anyone tell me how to differentiate between ordinary, friendly conversation and something more?