Why does this always happen to me?

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You know what's also fun is when they give you the whole:
"Oh, your a nice guy. I'm sure you'll find somebody". They don't want to date you, but they won't tell you why and they are just like "Well I'm not going to date him and good luck to whomever falls for that weirdo!"

no they're not.

it's your coming on too strong by saying that you're interested in them romantically.

You're the one who wants a relationship, but you're not willing to go through the steps, like a 12 step program to get there.

OK, how come with me everyone says 'it takes time, build up friendship and it will grow" Then on the ones I stay friends with, nothing happens romantially. But the girls that say they are not ready for a relationship and "have issues", they meet someone they want to be with, they don't let it develop like that, they go up to the guy they are interested in, tell them the really like them, then they jump into the guys bed like the slut they are? Another double standard.

Yeah, women are all hypocrites, b*****s, c***s and whores. High five!

Of course they aren't. I don't know how you keep having such appallingly bad luck with them, but I don't know, are you maybe over-reaching yourself as far as the women you attain? Are you maybe going only on physical attraction rather than mental as well? They aren't deliberately f*****g you around here.

Because, obviously, her not being interested in you must mean she thinks you're a weirdo.

Quoted for more attention.

There's your problem. I'm assuming that you explicitly told her you're interested, which is the worst thing you can do. You may have told her you're interested too soon. If you tell her you're interested before you know she's interested, that's usually game over.

So being honest is wrong? At least I'm straght forward with my feelings and don't play games. Like I said before, this is after we hung out, ect a few times. So I need to wait for the girl to tell me she is interested? But some new guy comes along that she is interested in and they jump right into dating because she likes him. But if I like her I have to wait.

I have AS, I have no idea to see the signs on when the girl is interested in me as well. Unless is really obvious. She tells me or she takes off her clothes and jumps into my bed.

wow this was a really good observation of the problem.
IT is pure AS. NT's talk in code and understand and appreciate the tact involved. AS will take the situation literally and " not get it" and get REALLY OFFENDED when it appears that they have been lied to and deceived.

The Merriam·Webster online dictionary defines "Hypocrite" as :


Your stated example does not fit either definition. If "All Women" put on the appearance of virtue, and then acted like men, or if "All Women" stated that they had romantic feelings for you, and then pretended to not know you, then "All Women" could be called hypocrites.

You do "All Women" a dis-service by collectively and incorrectly calling them "Hypocrites."

Well, both truth and "just friends" don't feel great (depending on curcumstance), though truth would be much more pleasant because you can start getting over it right there. Kind of stupid for her to say she's not ready, but then go out and get another guy date.

For me "just friends" is a little different. Me and a guy weren't dates, we were actauly just friends, because we had just met. We talked about meating each other, but not about actual dateing. Not sure if he thought it was a date or not. But yeah, what you are describing is rejection not the fact that you were "just friends" from the begining.

Oh by the way, don't go be judgemental and put "all women are..". I don't preach or rant "all men are... ", because it's not possible for humans to be alike.

Why is the bed so often an importance? It only lasts but a short while.

I agree. I don't think people with AS can "get it". What really bothers me is when I TELL THEM OUTRIGHT to be honest and don't play any kind of games, they still pull this crap. Its like they don't know any other way.

while your philosophy is right and cannot be corrected there is a lesson here.
be AS and tell it how it is, but in a non-As world, learn to adapt and accept it is how they communicate.
there is with AS a developmental delay, read: takes longer to mature.
it can be seen as being true to AS to call it how it is. but it can be seen as adaptive behaviour to well.. to adapt.

I've tryed to adapt. Tryed to learn how to read the "signs" and get the "cues". No matter how hard I try, I can't get what people are saying unless its point blank obvious. If It still looks like they are deciving me and messing with me, I can't accept it.

KenM, I think some are being a little harsh with you! It's not just Aspies, the high sales rankings of all manner of 'How to succeed with women" books is evidence that many, many modern men are really struggling and haven't got a clue

I once read that flirting is the most complex social interaction a human can engage in. Maybe many men and especially Aspies just aren't wired to be able to manage it?

Aside from that, most womens brains just do not work in the same "dominated by logic" way that mens do. Of course the exceptions are probably women with AS so I expect to be shot down for saying this.

And now, as it's late, a bedtime story:
When younger I had a phase of several years of 'close female friends' who said *exactly* the same things that were said to you. With one of them, we lived together and even slept together (platonically, of course) for several months while she insisted that 'she wasn't interested in any relationship'. Occasionally I'd get fed up, as I made no secret that I totally adored her (mistake #1 perhaps?) and I'd ask her to move out and she'd get all upset and cry about how I was "the nicest man she'd ever met in the whole world and that I was too special to be ruined by a casual fling". As if a casual fling ever ruined any single man

Of course one night we were in a bar and she met a man and took him back to hers within 30 minutes of meeting him and stayed in bed with him for 4 days or something. Of course I was heartbroken amd probably spent 4 days in tears. Even more 'of course', within a few weeks, he'd treated her badly and after ignoring me totally, now she needed my shoulder to cry on. Well, enough is enough. I don't feel I'd be a good person to *encourage* another person to be so indulgent, so inconsiderate, just so much of a spoiled drama queen. So told her where to go....

And very soon after this, obviously empowered by my new 'no nonsense' approach. I met my first real girlfriend. Made damn sure we were not going to be 'justgoodfriends' and it worked. And oddly enough, within a couple of weeks, the 'justgoodfriend' I've been ranting out, took me to one side and said "you know, I made a really bad mistake not having sex with you, I really regret not taking the opportunity now". Not the actions of a rational human being, I'm afraid

How about if a woman says she doesn't really want a relationship, says she might go out with you if she didn't have all these personal issues, says she thinks you're a really great guy and any woman would be lucky to have you, says she wants to give time for a relationship to develop and not just go straight into something, then a week later is going out with a guy she just met? That would seem to fit fairly well with part 2 of that definition, and is, at least in my experience, a fairly common behavior. Granted, it would not be fair to say that *all* women partake in it, but based a statistical sampling from my own life experience, I would say it could be applied to about 95% of women, maybe +/- 5%. I may get more precise numbers after further study.