Why do you want a relationship?

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Nature has ways of forcing people into relationship. Its approach would be different for an NT as it is for an aspie. Most aspie, unlike NTs, would not go into a relationship for social reason no nature often uses chronic loneliness to force them into relationships.

I think a lot of it has to do with what people perceive as the value of a relationship. Even just in the responses here, people seem to view them as a means to alleviate depression, sexual frustration, or just have someone to make life a little less lonely. I've been in a relationship for awhile and while the above is all certainly true, at times, it's rarely the norm.

Last edited by irikarah on 28 Aug 2008, 6:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I have a "friend with benefits" so the sex part does not enter into it for me. I can get the sex but it is the intimacy I need, and i just can't seem to get that. and I know that it's MY fault, because I'm the one that's so unable to bond with another human being. It really hurts me when I see other people being affectionate, knowing that there is a VERY good chance I will never be able to experience that side of life. Having just spent my entire birthday alone, because all my friends and family were otherwise occcupied, has made the feelings even worse this week. It is so difficult for me now that as my friends have gotten engaged and/or married I've had to stop hanging around them very often because the SO is often with them, and I just can't deal with it.

I guess I just want feel like someone out there cares and understands and loves me. But I just can't feel it, and never will.

There there....all my relationships have ended with me heartbroken and the girl not feeling anything. I guess iri is right that i love the idea of being in love and not the love itself. Don't beat yourself up about it. But maybe loving someone with aspie might iliviate because you both have the same feelings I guess and you both have the same failings and i guess you'll both understand each other better.

Just a thought...

Because of the companionship, i like to be alone but with the right person
everything feels a little better. Its a really nice feeling caring for someone
and knowing they care back. Few things make me more happy then being
able to make someone else happy, that too is a part of it. The last relationship
i was in lasted for many years, and she made me so happy by just being happy,
and she was such an inspiration, a muse, she gave me so many ideas just by
being in my life. We lived together but sometimes we didnt see each other for
3 weeks, she could be 20,000 miles away in another country, it didnt matter as
long as i knew she was happy, so its not the being-togheter-24-hours-a-day-always
thing i mean by companionship, just the knowlegde that someones there in a way.
Now its just me and much of the inspiration is missing, its just me and the walls. So
i am a loner yes, always been, but still theres this "thing" that makes everything
smoother when i am with a person i "click" with. Try to kill it and move on alone
but its hard, it refuses to let go. And the memories of how things can be haunts me.
Oh, and i just had to think of her if i wanted her to call and vice verca, and then she
called. Thats handy. She is still the only person i have met that just wanted to make
everybody happy, no matter the cost, smart and tuff as nails. Truly a special person,
not a bad bone in her. I owe her alot, she helped and formed me in many ways. And
i was so lucky, by quincidence we met, she grabbed me and said "you`re mine!", and
thats impressive considering i was a good foot taller then her, i looked down into her eyes
and thought "omg omg omg i`m so lucky, who is this breathtaking creature?". Best day ever! ....but i wish i could forget it, it felt so good. We were the odd couple, i was calm
and quiet, she had ADHD and was all over the place, wore me out like a cheap pair of
shoes at a marathon Loved her so much, still do many years later.

I'd like to believe that, but I don't exactly have opportunity to run into many aspie women, and the few I know personally all seem to be asexual (this seems to be more common with the aspie women than the men, for some reason.)

To hopefully learn a few things about life, myself, and others. And to become a better person.

What happened? That sounded like a perfect relationship...

It was..we just slipped apart over time, she had her things and i had mine.
We were complete opposites. We came to a point where i felt she would be
more happy without me around and all i want is for her to be happy. So it
ended. We`re still friends, she calls now and then but i try to just stay away
and let her move on. It hurts talking to her also, because a part of me still
misses her. Hoping to meet someone like that one day again, but i dont know..
Trying to just be happy on my own, but i miss the inspiration she was, the big
smile and the "hello" when i woke up in the morning. How could the day not
be good after seeing that.. I won the lottery once, slim chance it will happen again.

I feel for you i really do, I know what its like talking to your old girlfriends that you used to love, you have mixed feelings of I want to be with you again and I should really let you go on yourself. At least you had those years of perfectness and you can always look back on it and say they were the best years of my life. Sure it may never happen again, but it did happen and the memories are what is important in life...

^
"At least you had those years of perfectness and you can always look back on it and say they were the best years of my life."

I know..but that is the thing thats killing me, all the good memories, they haunt me.
I know how it can be..I would rather not know. Because now i know what i`m missing.
I really dont want to know that.. And the memories are all to crystal clear, they almost
become clearer as time passes.

I always seem to be looking into the past as well and it hurts...but you still go on. I'm stupid enough to believe that my really old girlfriend from infant school I will find again and we will live happily ever after...Its a stupid dream but sometimes it keeps me going...

Guess thats what keeps me going too..dreams and hope. If
i let that go i have no reason to hang around.

I want a relationship because in all more-than-two-people groups I have been ignored, forgotten from the group or just become flown in isolation from others. The number of my companions must equal mine.
Second, girls are orders of magnitude more gentle and sensible than boys. With them you can talk about things much deeper than you can with boys.
Third, I'm in aching need of love, of belonging together with someone.

In addition to the natural sexual instinct, which alone would be, naturally, quite featherweight.

sex...cuddles...holding hands...ego-stroking...

yeah...i'm still pretty ill

lol x

That I consider to be very exceptional.
Let's say I'm talking about deep things, like dreams, very personal memories, art,
how beautiful it is in the garden, science, building castles, relationships, whatever.
I'm a man.
Mostly when I'm talking about such things it's with men.
If it's with women, it's only either my mother or other older women.
And it's been that way with me all my life.
(If women my age around here ever liked those kinds of stuff then I'd have girlfriends!)

And this is how it is with myself and friends. People who talk about stuff like
sports and weather whom I get along with are much less than this friendly.
I imagine that a lover could be more than this, but I've never seen more than this.
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Once upon a time they lived happily ever after.