Love Shy

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I got 56. It was higher than what I expected actually.

I got 41 and I rated some things as "I could do it sometimes" only because I know that I am capable of doing it. But I never would. So I suppose that means in actuality I should have a lower score.

I know its for men but what the hay. I like quizzes and it isn't too hard to transpose the gender

Ah, but the difference is that shyness is not a handicap for women to find a husband -- some studies have found that shy women actually have a better chance of finding a husband than ones that aren't shy, especially in a culture that encourages men to make the first move.

Got a 114 on the test. Self-reporting isn't terribly accurate though.

I scored a 38, the same as older love-shy men apparently.

And it's really stupid that the only browser that quiz works with is Internet Explorer.


Initiating conversations with girls I don't know is REALLY hard. I didn't think it was normally so easy according to that quiz.

While the astrology and reincarnation lets him down, there are some very interesting sections in Gilmartins book, that is linked to from that site:

These psychologists and the educators and parents .... continue to be strangely oblivious to the hundreds of scholarly papers and books that have been published over the last twenty years on the subject of inborn, biologically based temperament. And they continue to be oblivious to the fact that while certain traits, such as shyness, low self-esteem and neurosis are learned, they are learned as a direct byproduct of a hostile, punishing attitude that is displayed towards boys who manifest a melancholic inborn temperament.

He made a conscious decision to focus on boys because:

the same inborn temperament that is punished with hazing, bullying and ignoring when it is displayed by little boys is accepted with kindly tolerance when it is displayed by little girls. The point is that this hazing, bullying and ignoring has an extremely deleterious cumulative impact upon a growing child over the course of his formative years.

In the Anglo-American world, we still believe that extroversion is the normal and healthy way to be, especially for males. I'll support anybody who challenges this dogma.

Dr. Gilmartin is not full of it. Who cares if you don't believe in reincarnation. The fact that past life therapy is the only thing that seems to work on these males is good news because at least there is some hope in a cure. Besides, Dr.Dr. Brian Weiss, a traditional psychotherapist, was astonished and skeptical when one of his patients began recalling past-life traumas that seemed to hold the key to her recurring nightmares and anxiety attacks. If it works it works. Why would it bother anyone enough to want to dismiss Gilmartin's research altogether? Personal ideology?

Love shyness describes heterosexual males. Females do not suffer from being passive because it's typically a positive trait for us. Approximately 40% of love shy people have aspergers. Most of them just have anxiety with women whom they are attracted to.

ManErg, I also think that conditioning has much to do with this anxiety. However, why does it just have to do with relationships? Many of them have said that they first fell in love at a very early age. I wonder if it was imprinting that caused the love phobia. Also, the moms typically seem to be the refrigerator type. I can't figure it out. I give up.

I agree! The book mentioned was written over 20 years ago, I think, times have changed. I doubt the 'new age' ideas would get in now. The link between excessive bullying and intimidation of the young child and the "40 year old virgin" is well researched in his book. And anecdotally, we all know this is the case, surely? What's interesting is his argument that this bullying is NOT natural. That other cultures have more respect for different types, wheres we thnk there is only one healthy way to be.

Also the material about being humilated by compulsory sports as a child. It is clearly unfair that academically we were streamed, yet not in sports. The math strugglers were allowed to be in a class with other math strugglers. Yet in sports this didn't happen, it was a free for all virtual battlefield where the academic strugglers were licenced by the teachers to vent their frustrations on the academic achievers. I never understood why the teachers seemed to support the bullies. Now I think it's because it's all part of a wider covert campaign against introverts and intellectuals going back to the early days of psychiatry when 'melancholic' was judged bad and 'biggest hog snuffling in trough' considered good. The theory of Evolution hijacked by eugenicists with racist intentions under the bogus umbrella of 'mental health' <rant off>



We all have our axe to grind. We live in a world of belief filtered by our minds, not objective reality, so maybe it can work even if not really 'true'? Plenty of examples that show we see what we're told to see, not what is really there.



Less so than when he wrote the book, I guess. If things continue as they are, it will be an increasing problem as introversion is less tolerated in females these days. And women are being expected to compete with men and be just like men....that's another story, but there is no separation, it all links together to paint a picture of masses of individuals struggling amidst a set of unhealthy cultural beliefs. Some adapt better than others, but that doesn't actually mean they're healthy! Witness the research on sociopathic behaviour thriving in Corporations.



Yes, not just 'love-shy', but 'Life-Shy' . I actually have the book by Pilinski that's hyped on that site. I found it unpleasant, basically the message is that life is only worth living for the alpha-males, the rest of us are blots on the landscape of existence. That the only way to succeed is to adopt the behavior of the alpha-male etc etc . It's not that I think he's actually wrong, more that it is totally unhelpful for an Aspie who's basic type has it's own strengths and weaknesses. We need to play to our strengths as we will always struggle if we play to other peoples strengths.

Given that human beings success on Earth is due to our BRAINS not our brawn, the emphasis on physique is surely going to devolve us back to being apes?



I don't think it's a 'love phobia' as the rejection from others is very real, not imagined. The anxiety is a rational response to protect from an almost inevitable rejection. I don't think it's generally that these men don't know what to do when a female shows interest in them. Occasionally this is the case, but mostly, and you see that on the forums here, it is the total lack of interest that females show to them. (Us, to be exact). From my own experience, I know *exactly* what to do when even the tiniest glimmer of interest is shown to me It's that the interest occurs only once every several years

I would say Aspies and Love Shy men might also be especially vulnerable to rejection. Rejection sensitivity it its own problem, but in the cases where you don't have a lot of social contact to begin with, it can cause you to take the rejection extra hard when it occurs.

It then ends up in a negative feedback loop -- you withdraw, you get less opportunities, the opportunities you get are lower quality, you withdraw further after more negative feedback, etc. Social rejection in general or bad experiences, either from friends, family, or romantic prospects, all feed into this.

Ironically, the way out of it is to totally change your behavior and become more social, but without a support network, this either requires growing a bigger pair of b*lls, medical supplementation (like antidepressants), or some kind of breaking point where you decide you're not going to take it anymore. For me, growing bigger balls and the breaking point seemed to do the trick.

^^I agree that we do have too many conditioning problems to surmount, however love shyness is beyond passivity. It's a phobia. The few LS men who do attract women will go to great lengths to avoid them. It is the attraction that triggers the fear. Not all the LS guys have aspergers or suffer from social shyness. They often say, "It's not that I'm afraid she'll say no, I'm afraid she'll say yes."

I'm a lot less love shy than I used to be, but I'm certainly shy and inexperienced. I'm getting closer to starting something with a girl I like. All the signs are there, and I have an idea of how I'll move things forward. But I'm waiting for a good moment, and I still feel very shy and insecure.

I actually somewhat believe more in past life than heaven -.- But maybe this isn't the place to discuss that...

Am i Love-shy? i didn't take the test... Too tired, maybe i am though, i've known a few girls before which i liked, but could never get to tell them anything or express my feelings to them. (Heh, maybe i'm completly off and this isn't what this is about >< )