I found porn pics of girls on boyfriends computer...

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It's worse for aspie men... many aspie men spend most of their lives being manipulated by others that it's surprising that some can develop trust in others at all... Since sex is often used as both a means and an end for manipulation, it's no wonder that aspies tend to not completely trust their partner in romantic relationships. The best solution is to always remain honest, even if you're trying to convey bad news or something. By remaining honest with him at all times, you will eventually regain his trust (although a single lie, even by omission, can cause major trouble later...)



Yeah, I get that alot. One of my few talents is being able to express Aspie psychological issues in terms that NT's can understand... It's not even an innate ability, but the fact that I've learned how to socialize (on a surface level, anyway) as an NT, and therefore have a general idea as to what driving forces are present in the NT psychological makeup.


In addition to what I said earlier, the western taboo on public sexuality hasn't helped anything at all. Because of any lack of knowledge pertaining to actual sexuality, many men end up watching (completely unrealistic) pornos or TV/Movie sex scenes. Pornos are a bit easier to spot as being "fake", but TV sex is made to appear much like the real thing that it's hard for even some inexperienced NT's to distinguish from reality...

Once this unrealistic view of sex is beaten into an aspie, however, good luck beating it out of him... it can be done, but it requires perseverance. Anytime you catch him w*king to porn, remind him that that's what you're around for (feel free to go for him right then and there if there's nobody else around and you're in the mood... after all, you know by the circumstances that he's definitely in the mood). This will eventually teach him that 1) sex with you is not denigrating in and of itself, and 2) He should come to you first if he's in that mood. Granted, there are times that you will not be in the mood and he'll have to resort to some other method, but at least this would reduce his dependence on porn...


Did you ever try telling him directly how good he is? Sure he may not believe it the first few (or in come cases many) times, but if, after every time you have sex, you tell him how good it felt, that will eventually sink into his mind and will improve his self-confidence. Repetition is the key to victory here...


And ideally, that would be the case. Probably the best thing to do here is to remind him of that, as he may be so completely lost in being worried about pleasing you that such an idea has escaped him completely. The best way to deal iwth this is to inporporate it into the above, in that once you let him know how it felt to you, try to get him to divulge how it felt for him.

I'm not sure whether my opinion will be welcomed based on the poster's bias, however it enlightens the issue. The problem most women have is that they feel that men looking at porn reflects negatively on their relationship, that they are in competition with these other women. This is misreading the situation however as we, and our primate cousins, are willing to pay to view female's nether regions. It doesn't mean he is dissatisfied with you. He's just looking at images of people he doesn't know and will never meet. This is no more competition with you than your owning a vibrator would be competition with him. Men are simply visual and when they take matters into their own hands (pun intended) they enjoy an aid just as women enjoy a mechanical aid. Just like a vibe is a poor substitute for a man, porn is a poor substitute for a woman, however, at times you need to get the job done and you do what you have to. Now if you had found that he was chatting with women online, or had joined a personals site, this crosses a line in which there is actual communication and a relationship with another woman. Fantasizing to porn is no more of a transgression than your fantasizing to George Clooney or Brad Pitt in a romantic comedy. Furthermore while you may not enjoy it, many women also view porn and enjoy it, with their partners or alone. I say this with the best intentions, but you need to get over yourself and learn to accept men as they are. We are turned on by different things, but both genders, even in happy committed relationships, entertain fantasies about others. You will never control your partner, and making ridiculous demands over something like this will only drive him underground. The real problem is that by trying to control him you have created a situation of intellectual dishonesty between you two. It would have been better to find some form of erotica you can enjoy together, and bring this behavior into the light and use it to strengthen your relationship.
You can read the scientific basis for my claims on my site, just google my nickname and pick the first result.

He lies to you

Watches porn while he has you

And lets you pay for hid stuff?



I think it's clear that he's takig you for granted, you should confront him and or leave him imo, I mean 6 months and he's like that? Lol

Did the girls in question look similar to yourself or completely different?

I have absolutely no problem with my boyfriend looking at porn, almost all boys use it because they need some way of getting off. It's better than being annoyed to have sex all the time.

After having spend certain amount of money getting porn, it wouldn't be easy (and smart) to get rid of it, you know, especially when, usually, most relationships don't last a lifetime, which in that case, would it be worth?

It's fulfilling a need. Both sexes have unrequited needs, or there wouldn't be so large a market for Romance novels...

However, maybe you should check into some of the advice here; especially what it is he's actually looking at. One thing I can tell you is that you wouldn't believe what some people get off on. If you want specifics, go to the Adult forum...

If it's something you could do, or try, maybe you could do or try it. Having the real thing supplying those needs might be fun for you, if you want to make it that way. As a hooker once said (quote from a book I read once) "If wives and girlfriends would (fill in the blank), we'd all be out of business"

You can find out more by going into the Internet History (for sites), Recent documents (for text), and the Recycle Bin (for hastily-deleted files). If you know where they are, you can even sort through the cookies directory; some of the names are fairly explicit.

Now, the important question is...is he lying to you about other things? Sex is a form of communication, so maybe you can approach him on what he wants, and maybe even let him know what you want.

I was brought up in a time where an orgasm was considered a woman's right, so that made me pretty bad worrying about whether she was gonna before I did, etc.
Only later did I find out that I was worrying about nothing.

yeah that's the hook right there
he said he'd stop
some say its sooooo hard to stop
its not really, people are just lacking self discipline

If you're aware of how destructive porn is to a relationship, don't listen to people who minimize it.

Porn is addictive, and your boyfriend may be going compulsively to look at this stuff. Whether you are beautiful or not, you will never equal his compulsion.

Bail out now, before it's too late.

Oh, and by the way, probably 90%+ of guys have a porn habit.

C.F.

What's the problem?

Helllooo graveyard rez on thread. It's been 2 months+. I'm sure the OP has it figured out by now

That's incredibly unrealistic. Pornography and men have gone together for as long as human beings had the capacity to create images (including drawing on cave walls). Normal men (straight or gay) will be attracted to pornography and will use that to blow off sexual "steam."

Your actions will make him:
A) resent you
B) hide more things from you
C) maybe eventually cheat
D) maybe decide you aren't worth it

You have to ask yourself, which is worse -- him enjoying some porn, or him cheating on you eventually to find the sexual variety all men crave? You also need to get out of the typically female POV that porn is cheating -- It is not, but it's a great substitute for the eventual temptation to cheat that all men get. It also helps him become a better lover by learning to extend his ability to not orgasm (thus giving you a chance to orgasm first), and is a healthy part of a normal sex life for men.

Also, snooping in his PC to find "incriminating" pictures or evidence is not a good sign of a trusting relationship. Should he feel like everything he does is monitored from here on? Is it your job to be his new "mom", and is that a real incentive to be in a relationship with you? Many schools of philosophy would say that what you are doing is really stripping him of his dignity, self-respect, and human rights. Would you like to be monitored in the same way? And is it a good relationship if one person has to coerce the other into agreeing with his or her way of living?

Personally I don't really see why it's a big problem... guys are guys, and of all my friends who are guys I only know of one who doesn't look at porn and that's just because he doesn't really like it (his gf always called him a weirdo bcos she loved it).
The fact that he lied is definately more of an issue, well it would be to me anyway. Mind you my bf actually said when I was around that he knew no sex would be as good as it was with his ex. So that's honesty to extremes for you.

I think in this case the lie is justified, because it's not anything any guy (or fellow human being, for that matter) should have to answer, even to their BF/GF/wife/husband. Masturbation and things relating to that are intensely personal, and really are none of the other person's business. As long as it didn't involve sex with someone else, it really is of no consequence what the person's mastubatory habits or accessories are. Many times people have pornographic interests that go beyond their actual sexual habits (for instance, gay porn, transgender porn, or various paraphilias), thus offering a look inside that person's mind that they very well are not comfortable exposing. I think it's very arrogant and invasive for anyone to think that they should by default be given access to those inner desires or secrets simply because they are the girlfriend of the moment, or even the wife. Relationships don't last forever, and if and when that relationship ends, stuff like that is dynamite and can be very damaging to the person who was forced to reveal those secrets.

Think of it this way -- they break up, and suddenly she's telling everyone "X likes anal porn!" (or gay porn, or shemale porn, or foot fetish porn, etc.) This is a good reason to lie when it comes to this topic, so do that person a favor, and don't ask the question. Then you'll get no lies.