I need to know why society think its ok to lie?

Post Reply New Topic

Ah.....sluts, c***s and oh these females are prejudiced but prejudiced about what?

Shall I say the same about guys?

I see where this is going and have to say why I wonder any woman would go with a guy with an attitude like that.

I relate to B9's story as I already posted there was a guy I turned down and I told him sincerly that I just wasn't interested. That pissed him off and then there was the namecalling. Befor ever he had asked me out, I didn't have a good feeling about him to begin with. He followed me everywhere I went and I tried to be nice about it as I didn't want to judge him for his motives. Well maybe my "feelings" or intuition was right. This is why as lonely as I am, I don't trust guys that come off wanting to have a relationship with me before getting to know me.

Again, I sympathize with the OP but I still think he needs to work on himself first and how he comes across these women. Most of us posting are on the autistic spectrum anyway I know I can come off a bit rude and cold without realizing.

Not everything revolves around our own needs; they may feel embarrassed, they may feel shame, they may feel any of a number of things that lead them to make the decisions they do. And while you are hurt by them, it does not mean that they do not respect you or are actively seeking to mess with you - it means that they have their own lives and reasons for doing things. Being part of other people's lives means accepting that they can hurt you.

b9, interesting story... illustrates a number of behaviors that have been described by those on the spectrum here.

BPalmer, while I respect that you've been hurt, there is no need for the language or the insults being hurled at the female gender here. Knock it off.


M.

Perhaps that I was different to most guys in a lot of ways. Too gentle. Too inquisitive-minded and introspective. Not interested in booze and sport. Not being extroverted and rough-and-ready. (And not enough earning potential to compensate for those deficits.)

A lot of the time they get themselves in trouble because of their thinly-veiled violence fetish (although it has to be conformist violence by males deemed to be genetically-fit). Years ago I watched some girl go all ga-ga over someone who'd shown a group of us (me, her and at least one other person) the loaded 12-gauge they kept by their bedside. Yet I was treated like some sort of threat, when I didn't associate with violent types, or have any interest in guns or anything. WTF is with that?

Just because ONE guy treated you like that does not mean that most of us are likely to. Is it OK to tar us all with the same brush because of the actions of ONE individual?

Last edited by BPalmer on 31 Mar 2009, 12:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.

It should be clear that my comments are not aimed at the whole female gender. Only the ones who behave in such ways as to warrant it.

It does not specify that it is acceptable when people "deserve it" - you can attack the action, not the person.


M.

So the personal attacks rule includes people who are not on this forum, then (and who I never mentioned by name either)... I didn't realise that. My apologies. (And no, I'm not being sarcastic.)

I don't think I mentioned all guys or guys in general.

And it wasn't with only one guy that I've had this problem.

How about your post in the "Another website has it all wrong" thread? It appears to be a gross generalisation. I'm not attacking you; I'm just trying to figure out what you're saying (and what what you're not).

Last edited by BPalmer on 31 Mar 2009, 1:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I don't go out of my way to say "all females are sluts/c***s/what have you", do I? I just say that there is a subset of the female population that is overly manipulative and have no qualms about feining interest to use my brainpower... that and no woman that has shown interest in me loved me for who I am... there were a great deal of women that there was no romantic interest involved that treated me like a normal human being...

Overall, that subset of woman is the worst of the entire female gender. Saying "let's be friends" as a white lie is generally passive... a woman (and even some NT men) can say that without even realizing it... but those women that claim they're interested in me, but are only after my ability to add in my head, those people are the true liars...

TOS, I think that by creating this 'subset' instead of referring specifically to the either your experience with women in your past, or with specific behaviors, it furthers a sense of presumption that women are going to be judged into a category immediately rather than on who they are and what they do. People don't tend to like being cataloged and pressed into specific niches, from my experience. While I think I gather the intent of what you've written, I can also see an opening where it could be be taken differently.


M.

These statements are not always lies. In the case of example 2, many a times a person thinks they aren't ready but then they meet that one person who truly makes them feel their issues don't matter and, so, suddenly it's all OK. But, yes, they often are lies, but not all of society condons that. My social circle never has. If it isn't right, just say, "I don't feel we're right for each other." You don't have to say a single thing more. Why people do is actually beyond me; perhaps at that one moment they believe what they are saying.

I agree with you, but I also know those women exist. Very few and far between. But real.

The main thing is to not let what I know to be a minority to distort someone's view of women. If this is all someone is encountering, either they are socializing with the wrong women, or they are missreading the women they do know.

But chips on one's shoulder can be pretty hard to knock off.

There is a woman I've known for almost 30 years who is now in her second divorce and I said to her one day that it must be hard to be her. Men totally fall for her, right and left, and refuse to see all her weaknesses. I have had so many men tell how sweet she is, yada yada yada, and I KNOW it isn't true. They'll have none of it if I try to tell them. And, more amazingly, they'll have none of it when SHE tries to tell them. She can be obviously manipulative right in front of a man who is interested in her and he will simply refuse to see it. Does she lie? Yes. About silly things mostly, but the world has taught her she can totally get away with it. She has such a "sweet" face and disposition that men, especially, just refuse to take anything she does as being what it is. So why is all this hard on HER? Because neither husband married the real her. They were less misled than most dates, but they still refused to see the real her. How do you live with someone who refuses to see and love you as you really are? You don't. The only people who keep her grounded are her real life friends like me, who call it exactly as they see it to her.

So what is the point of writing this? To say that relationships and trust are a two way street. In many ways, we create the world we believe we see, and that then affirms that we've seen it correctly, when the truth is we've missed the boat all along.

So chips on the shoulder are awfully hard to knock off.

Let me rephrase. What I say is that I have trouble reading people, body languge, ect. That I take what is said literary. Because of that I tell them to please say what you mean and mean what you say. I don't put it like that.

I just turned 41. I feel I will be like your friend you mentioned. People will wonder what is wrong with me because I've never had a girlfriend.

I probably should have said "a minority" a la what DW is saying. I know that most women are fairly upstanding individuals from my experience. However, that majority of women never had any interest in me. The only women that had held any interest in me weren't interested in me as a person, they were interested in what my brain was capable of... but again, that was a small minority... the rest of the women, while not interested in me romantically, at least held respect for me as a human being...

That's the point I'm trying to get at here... women are never romantically interested in me as a person... those that are interested are after something and are using sexual or romantic overtures to try and get it, since after all, most men will easily fall to a woman that is overly aggressive in her approach. So that's why I subconsciously burned out my own ability to be attracted to physical qualities alone, so that this minority of women that are duplicitous and manipulative can't use me again...

Ken, grow up man. They are being honest, or at least most are. Being friends means no hard feelings, we won't hate each other and they will keep their end of the bargain. If you can't accept no, then get over it. Stop trying. I may be alone forever, but I'll do what I love.

Well said DustinWX.

IMO, The problem here is this: If you really like a girl and you tell her so, and she turns you down, what do you expect her to think if you just distance yourself from her and can't simply remain friends with her? "Oh that guy just liked me because he's desperate and wanted to sleep with me".

I've had to learn the hard way that if you want to get a girlfriend, you have to learn just to be friends with women in general first. If you can't just talk to a girl as friends, how do you suppose that a relationship is going to work where you are friends but you are much more involved? Being a friend and being able to talk to them as people is really important, whether you are in a relationship with them or not.

The other misconception that people here have, I think, is that somehow being in a relationship makes your life more complete and that you will both coexist in perfect harmony and happily ever after. Being with a woman doesn't automatically mean that she is sex on tap. There will be times when she will not want to sleep with you, that she will be angry with you, that she will want space from you and there will be many MANY things that she will discover about you that she dislikes. There will be compromises, arguments, fights and disagreements and the rejection that stems from these things can be every bit as painful - even more so - than the sting felt when a girl turns you down.