Girls convincing themselves that a date is strictly platonic
Seconded. There are risks in life; one can either live paralyzed in fear or face the challenges, but they doesn't mean they go away.
M.
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The STD risk isn't going to go away if you just f**k them on the third date instead. If you use protection there's nothing else you can do about it. Unless their topical treatment only works by date number three
Well its easier to have one date than three so if your always waiting till the third date you'll be having sex with less people and your risk for STDS goes down.
That suggests that after the third date and sex, you never see them again. Or even, after a first date and sex, you never see them again.
And the risk of STDs goes down just plenty if you just use contraception. If you don't use it, then you're an idiot, and you might just get an STD. STD risk is never going to completely STOP being there.
Not really.
Men also do the picking and choosing.
Both men and women can be picky...I'm pretty picky myself (it's not all about looks either). But I think what he meant was, women generally hold the upper hand when it comes to dating. This is the truth, just compare the amount women on here that are in a relationship to the amount of guys that are.
Women on here complain because they can't find the right guy.
Men complain because they can't find a girl at all.
This is like saying the average woman has 10 shirts in her closet, and can't find anything she likes, where the guy has only 1 or 2 shirts to choose from.
See the difference?
Okay so I have waaay too often in high school and college made the mistake of hanging out with a guy so the sake of having someone to hang out with without even thinking about the possibility they're with me cause they're attracted to me. I just wanted someone to hang out some reason to get out of the house. Seriously. I wasn't looking for boyfriends but I was too stupid to think that was their whole intention of inviting me to hang with them and such. If I had actual friends and a social life I would've turn them down flat.
There was a very brief period in college where some guys began to contact me through my facebook account and I ended up hanging out with them. Some of these guys (scratch that, all of them) were very creepy. One apparently was a bit interested in me cause I looked like his ex gf which he was so not over. I actually let him held me on the first day we hung out. oy...
...as a result I took my picture off facebook and no longer list my relationship status.
So to answer the question of whether or not I accepted these oppurtunities with strangers in hopes of finding a boyfriend, possibly. I was in the middle of a bad/confusing breakup at the time. And I use to think a couple of these creeps had potential until their creepy side kicked in.
But all in all I'm really more in it for social companionship in general. I take every oppurtunity possible to go out and experience life with other beings instead of doing it solo. Romantic relationships are no longer an interest for me but when I realize that most people who invite me to hang out with them or even talk to me are guys, I tend to be stupid and fail to recognize the romantic intentions behind their invitations. It's a cycle that never ends for me.
There was a very brief period in college where some guys began to contact me through my facebook account and I ended up hanging out with them. Some of these guys (scratch that, all of them) were very creepy. One apparently was a bit interested in me cause I looked like his ex gf which he was so not over. I actually let him held me on the first day we hung out. oy...
...as a result I took my picture off facebook and no longer list my relationship status.
So to answer the question of whether or not I accepted these oppurtunities with strangers in hopes of finding a boyfriend, possibly. I was in the middle of a bad/confusing breakup at the time. And I use to think a couple of these creeps had potential until their creepy side kicked in.
But all in all I'm really more in it for social companionship in general. I take every oppurtunity possible to go out and experience life with other beings instead of doing it solo. Romantic relationships are no longer an interest for me but when I realize that most people who invite me to hang out with them or even talk to me are guys, I tend to be stupid and fail to recognize the romantic intentions behind their invitations. It's a cycle that never ends for me.
Your not the only woman that has done/does this. The thing that seperates you from the others, is that you realize this, and you are honest about it. I have known too many woman like this (mostly NTs). I don't know if it's because they are naive, self-centered, confused about what they what, or they are in need of attention, and the only ones that give it to them, happen to be guys, but it's really irritating.
Guys are part of the problem as well. For one thing, they think with the wrong head so to speak. A lot of them think if a woman wants to hang out with them, is nice to them, or gives them any sort of attention, that she wants them...boy are they wrong.
There's nothing wrong with guys and girls being friends. I have a few female friends myself. The big thing is, you need to figure out what the other person's intentions are, before you decide to hang out with them or not.
I disagree, SS - it is the person with intent or expectation who needs to communicate... people aren't mind readers. If I want to hang out with someone and they have a different purpose, that is not something that needs to stop me from moving forward.
M.
_________________
My thanks to all the wonderful members here; I will miss the opportunity to continue to learn and work with you.
For those who seek an alternative, it is coming.
So long, and thanks for all the fish!
M.
I think the main problem is that neither person communicates what they really want out of the relationship. If people actually knew what they wanted, and were totally honest about it, life would be sooo much easier. Also, if you hang out with someone that you know likes you, and you don't like them back, you need to be honest with them about it, or you could be leading them on, or stringing them along. Bad idea.
Do you think that a guy that has feelings for some lady is gonna confess this to her before he starts hanging out with her, maybe even after she made it clear that she wants to hang out as friends. No...
Do you think a guy is gonna tell a girl that he want to only use her for sex? No...
Do you think a girl is gonna tell a guy that she is kinda interested in him more than friends, but she is gonna keep him around until she makes up her mind, or finds somebody better. No...
M.
I think the main problem is that neither person communicates what they really want out of the relationship. If people actually knew what they wanted, and were totally honest about it, life would be sooo much easier. Also, if you hang out with someone that you know likes you, and you don't like them back, you need to be honest with them about it, or you could be leading them on, or stringing them along. Bad idea.
Do you think that a guy that has feelings for some lady is gonna confess this to her before he starts hanging out with her, maybe even after she made it clear that she wants to hang out as friends. No...
Do you think a guy is gonna tell a girl that he want to only use her for sex? No...
Do you think a girl is gonna tell a guy that she is kinda interested in him more than friends, but she is gonna keep him around until she makes up her mind, or finds somebody better. No...
Whether they do or not is irrelevant to me; the point that I am making is that I am not going to isolate myself due to their limitations. Provided I'm upfront about myself, then it's incumbent upon them to do their own living. And to be honest - I've seen all three scenarios you described as a "no"... so personal experience isn't a complete picture.
M.
_________________
My thanks to all the wonderful members here; I will miss the opportunity to continue to learn and work with you.
For those who seek an alternative, it is coming.
So long, and thanks for all the fish!
M.
I think the main problem is that neither person communicates what they really want out of the relationship. If people actually knew what they wanted, and were totally honest about it, life would be sooo much easier. Also, if you hang out with someone that you know likes you, and you don't like them back, you need to be honest with them about it, or you could be leading them on, or stringing them along. Bad idea.
Do you think that a guy that has feelings for some lady is gonna confess this to her before he starts hanging out with her, maybe even after she made it clear that she wants to hang out as friends. No...
Do you think a guy is gonna tell a girl that he want to only use her for sex? No...
Do you think a girl is gonna tell a guy that she is kinda interested in him more than friends, but she is gonna keep him around until she makes up her mind, or finds somebody better. No...
Whether they do or not is irrelevant to me; the point that I am making is that I am not going to isolate myself due to their limitations. Provided I'm upfront about myself, then it's incumbent upon them to do their own living. And to be honest - I've seen all three scenarios you described as a "no"... so personal experience isn't a complete picture.
M.
You say that your not going to isolate yourself due to their limitations - You are basically saying that you are lonely and need someone to hang out with, but you don't really care if they they get their hopes up, get hurt along the way, or waste their time and energy trying to get you to go out with them, as long as you have what you want, right? Don't you think this is a little selfish and inconsiderate?
You say you've seen all three scenarios I described as a "no" - How did these situations turn out? Don't get me wrong, there are some people out there that can tell someone these things and get away with it, but most people in their right mind wouldn't think of saying something like this to the opposite sex, if they still wanted a chance with them. This is one of the reasons why people lie, or hide their intentions.
I'm -not- saying I am going 'inflict' myself on others; that is an extreme interpretation. But I am not going to lived shuttered in fear of other people's responses or of miscommunication - things happen. I can either take the personally and lose perspective and focus, or I can move on and keep up the pace. We're responsible for ourselves, not other people - I'm open about who I am, my limitations, my interests... if the other person chooses to be there, then that was their decision.
I've been the guy who told the girl he was smitten before their first date, on more than one occasion. A few bombed spectacularly; one resulted in one of the most important relationships in my life... so I'll call that a draw. As for sex - I know several people who prefer to keep sexual partners instead of romantic partners. If both parties are ok with it, then it's a win-win situation as far as the immediate desires/goals are concerned. It just requires honesty and the ability to accept the parameters. And for the last... well, I've held onto that rope, too, as well as watched others be strung along - some turned into relationships, others were wretchedly disappointing and left me resentful. So that one I would call less-than-effective, but still an option.
We deal with preconceptions based on observation; this leads us to repeat the actions of those we've seen. When breaking that pattern, I've found more happiness and success than trying to fit myself into the wrong costume.
M.
_________________
My thanks to all the wonderful members here; I will miss the opportunity to continue to learn and work with you.
For those who seek an alternative, it is coming.
So long, and thanks for all the fish!
It seems that society grooms guys to see sex as a prime motivator in romantic relationships with women... and grooms women to see what they can get material wise from guys in a romantic relationship...
it is like sayimg making money is the pinnacle in life.... when actually, money is just a tool to obtain things you need, want or desire...
I do not work to accumiliate money to sit in a bank account, but rather pay bills, and when there is extra, get something for the kids, save for a rainy day, give some away to someone less fortunate than I, etc... Why is there so much emphasis placed on material goods or sex when it is only a part of the bigger picture of investing and cultivating relationships?
I will go against the culturally acceptable values that goes against what I believe to be the right thing to do... relationships are more important thus material acquisition and sex is just a part of the whole... it seems to be unhealthy but seems rooted into emotionally propelled logic which seems illogical and does not make much sense often...
I dare to be different, a strenght being an autie, I can be oblivious to some of these social elements and constraints as well as able to more effectively buck the system... A trade-off being not that graceful socially, but I accept the tradeoff and prefer it this waty than any other...
I am going to be me in spite of what society says or does... If it is the 'in' thing to be a good consumeristic sheeple in a consumeristic society, I will not do that but continue doing what I have always done... Being an autie and having some difficulty with change actually is much benefit in resisting outside influences of society in compromising my inner essence and being with its foreign values and such...
I desire companiionship like everyone else, sometimes you can be somewhat isolated but in company of another that also is isolated... isolated in company... best of both...
For me, my past girlfriends, I lost many because they want to progress into sex in a month or 2... I made it clear that i was not interested in going there for at least 6 months or so... then we can see how things are there if were both are wanting then... lost several girlfriends because of that... They tried seduction, one slept with my best friend because she felt spurned and wanted to do as much collateral damage as she could and such..... It is not that I am asexual but I am able to exert extreme control over my emotions and although I may be in a lustful mood, I am able to throttle and control that and still think straight... I have done it on a consistent basis throughout the years.... It is like if I get pissed off at some asshat or very impatient and frustrated with slow drivers, another emotion I am able to throttle at will...
seems like women want mr.perfect and guys want the model that comes in at a 10... although there is something there that is just under the radar, does not meet the initial, maybe I should say unrealistic expectations...
I prefer a woman a bit bitchy and cranky than nice, prefer someone with some character flaws than a perfect 10... I do not like very beautiful women, theyre usually full of themselves.. but somoene who is somewhat pretty and does not act like theyre Venus, that is atractive...
Chase after Mr. Perfect or a 10-Model... never going to find them... I wil lsettle a woman just pleasing to the eyes, pleasing to the heart, some common interest and character flaws... this makes life interesting in a good way...
I've been the guy who told the girl he was smitten before their first date, on more than one occasion. A few bombed spectacularly; one resulted in one of the most important relationships in my life... so I'll call that a draw. As for sex - I know several people who prefer to keep sexual partners instead of romantic partners. If both parties are ok with it, then it's a win-win situation as far as the immediate desires/goals are concerned. It just requires honesty and the ability to accept the parameters. And for the last... well, I've held onto that rope, too, as well as watched others be strung along - some turned into relationships, others were wretchedly disappointing and left me resentful. So that one I would call less-than-effective, but still an option.
We deal with preconceptions based on observation; this leads us to repeat the actions of those we've seen. When breaking that pattern, I've found more happiness and success than trying to fit myself into the wrong costume.
M.
I also think that as long as both people are on the same page, and are honest (for the most part anyways) about what they want out of a relationship, then it's ok. It's when one person wants one thing, and the other wants something else, is when the problems arise.
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