pseudo rejected

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Sad but true, when it comes to normal friends and just getting laid. However, if you find someone who loooooves to listen to you and hear you go on and on, and you feel the same about them, you've found the One. I was lucky enough to find that, and no one since has matched up, or even really come close.

Yeah, she seems interested, and I think she just didn't want to cancel on her friend and wants to go slow. Don't overthink this, play it by ear, and let the chips fall where they may. It sounds like you have the right positive attitude, just don't get cocky or go too far too fast, and you'll be fine

Not getting off that easy. What did she say?

me:i have this compulsion to delete pics whenever they get put up, but still leave that one picture with my knee in it, lol. maybe i'll stop. anyways, here's my cell: x. give me a call sometime to figure out what time on friday night works.

her: lol dork haha i'm stuck with all my pics no matter now crappy just cause if i untag myself, people will retag them lol

and my number is x do you get txting? i just txted you so i'll find out sooner or later lol cya soon!


Today at 11:51am
me: perhaps i'll give you a call sometime this evening (texting is a laborious effort on my phone b/c it's an old school razr) since i'm review cramming for an exam at 3 atm. how are your exams going? also, i dunno if you've seen this before, but this thing is cracking me up and i kinda want to get one


totally botched the call, though lol. i've got major cold feet about right now. it seems like everything was falling into place before that. like i'm really good at introductions and all that boring s**t, but man, beyond that and the early getting to know you stuff, I blow it completely. i think i end up boring the crap out of them.

man, what in the hell is with this "dork" thing? i think i need to get used to it

She is just being playful and friendly. Some girls like to pick on you, call you names, or even punch you, if they like you.

Here's a tip:

Keep the big words and the rambling to a minimum, until you get to know her a little better. Depending on the girl, this may or may not put them off a little bit. Keep it light and casual at first. Try not to be too serious.

Agreed.

Roadgames, stop overthinking this, and treat it like a game (but stay polite and don't do anything rude). The "dork" thing is a good sign, it means she's starting to think of you affectionately and other, more positive nicknames will come later.

Yeah, so things went great over a second phone convo. We talked for like an hour and a half or so about all sorts of stuff. We ended up talking about our interests in martial arts (I've got a brown belt in ju-jitsu and she does tae kwon do), and somehow the conversation ended up getting to be about grappling and how she wants me to show her how sometime (lol). I don't really know what's happening on Friday, 'cause we talked about it, and we definitely want to do something, but we don't know what exactly that is yet, and I'm not even sure the friend is coming along. If she is, I don't really think it's going to make much of a difference. Things are just falling into place like this whole thing kind of did.

Ok, so she is flirting with you. And has been from early on.

Here is my take on this.

She had sort of given up on you when you dropped the bomb about going out. Hence the deer in the head lights. She defaulted to including her friend because she wasn't sure where you were going. That is standard procedure. She wasn't sure you were a creep and wanted to have some support. But, she is actively flirting with you, heck, even more. The grappling thing is pretty clear. You need to call her some more before Friday. Talking for 90 minutes means you have her interest. So, keep it up. Infact, tell her that you need to talk to her, which you probably do but don't want to express. And don't take her teasing to heart. You are a dork compared to her. No harm in admitting it. In fact, own up to it. You are, Own up to it. If she thought it was a turn off, she would have dropped you long before now.

If her friend is there, be friendly towards her. She will consult with her for her opinion about you. If she isn't, well, then things are a little different. You are an Aspie, you are reserved. If you can handle it, engage in banter. But don't push it. She thinks you are a dork, and let's face it you are, but she finds that attractive. So that is a strength, not a weakness. So, be natural, not forced. Some NT women find that attractive, just look at the forums. If you don't understand the situation, say so. If she is labeling you as a 'dork' and not shying away, She likes that. So try to leverage off of that.

Bottom line. Talk to her. Be honest and don't try to shade things for what she wants. You don't know what she wants. Trust me on this. She has gotten this far based on who you are. Chances are excellent that this is your best approach. It might not work out, but you should learn a lot even if it fails. Communication is key.

Talk to her.

Agreed with CJBinks above.

One more thing -- resist the urge to get physical too fast. Unless you're getting clear signals, let her make the first move.

so i just hung out with her for like 3-4 hrs just talking about pretty much nothing. it was a lot of fun, i've never been this comfortable around a cute girl in my life. i'm waiting for her to bust a move or at least make it obvious. i'm almost positive she wants me to, it's just i didn't think the first sort of date (it wasn't even a date, really, that seems to be what Friday is for) was the right time to get really physical. she was all playfully touchy with me, though.

i mean, i could've totally f****d it up, too, just because i didn't make a move, but it just didn't feel like the right time for that yet considering that i had only spent like no more than a half hour of time with her before this and barely knew her. i'm just kind of concerned that i might've unintentionally friend zoned her, which i definitely don't want.

give her a true compliment spontaneously during a conversation when it is relevant. watch her body language. if she leans towards you that's good. you could also introduce the topic of asperger's to her as well. but that's your own choice. show her that you like her in subtle ways - shake her hand, sit close to her and wait for her to move closer to you. pour her a drink (non-alcoholic), pull the chair for her, don't rush to being physical but do show her that you like her. think of this relationship or friendship as a flower. aspies like to rush things, but we have to be patient and let the relationship grow, slowly, like a plant. i imagine you will not be friendzoned if you keep showing her that you are interested and keep paying attention to her body language and slowly giving her more physical contact. first handshake, then sit close together, then rub her on the shoulder, then hug, hold hands, etc. try not to do it of the blue, but let her know that you want to, so she is ready. i have no idea how to pull this off because i have not dated, NTs just let the girl know they want to hug her, the girl gives them permission with her body language, they read her mind and just spontaneously both kind of do it at the same time.

No, she sent clear signals by being touchy that she wants you or is getting comfortable with you. With some girls you have to initiate it after getting clear signs (some girls are more conservative than others, but still want affection), but this one is heading your way.

You were right to keep holding back, and you didn't f up anything. You're playing a little hard to get, respecting her space, and letting her feel like you are a challenge. Even with my sluttiest GF, I got pushed back the first time I tried physical contact. Just do what feels natural, but I really think you are playing it smart right now.

Rest assured you're not friend zoned.

Oh, and sorry to go against the post before me, but DO NOT mention Aspergers at this point. Waaaay too much luggage at this point, you're just getting started, why sour the deal? And don't overthink anything, I think you are doing well at this point without it. Overthinking just gets in the way. Don't worry about body language, seduction, etc., just enjoy the moment, it's working so far for you.

good post bill. aspies have difficulty seeing when the girl wants us to touch her. so how is the OP going to know if the girl does not tell him. how good is the OP in reading body language?

It pretty much sounds like she wants him to touch her now, or very soon. When she starts touching you, within the next few times you meet (the first time I did with my first GF was just a tad bit soon, I should've waited just a little), you probably can start touching her.

There's different timelines on this stuff. You have to really be able to tell how much she likes you and wants you, and that comes from experience. For me, once I know and reel one in, it goes pretty fast --

Some chick I had a study session with (who I knew liked me), I talked into a massage, and by the end of the night, was pecking her on the cheek (but no farther).

Another one, which was just a sexual relationship, was more standoffish, but given the small amount of time together, I was pretty aggressive, really too aggressive.

I think the formula should be that you let a lot of time go by (hours), build up the tension, and start out touching in "safe" zones (arms, shoulders, hair), and then work your way in from there.

so we're going to a drive thru movie saturday night, she is bringing her friend (wtf, it is now obvious that i want this to be a date and given her signals up to this point, it would seem like she wants to date me, too), and wants me to bring one of mine. the catch is that her friend is brutally obese, and none of my friends would ever want anything to do with her.

this is embarrassing as heck

She probably likes you, but doesn't know you well enough to trust going somewhere alone with you... the double date is usually the best way to ensure that you have a friend backing you up...


Either that or she's just setting you up to fail...