Anyone prefer or have FWB "relationships"?

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Saving up for a PC is a good idea. Or better yet: do you have access to a library or somewhere with free internet?

i have internet at home. Also if i felt able to use a library alone i wouldn't struggle so much going out, sorry if i seem to be excusing myself, i probably have more chance of getting laid than i do saving up for a PC
plus i'm quite "fed up" with the internet already, i spend far too much time online & there really is very little going on.

How's this for a success story: We haven't had sex yet but I just found me a FWB and guess what, I met her online and she only lives 8 miles away!!

fwb is all well and fine UNTIL you fall in love! you might not think this now but you will kick yourself when you cant be with who you love!

damn you!! ;p lol i'm jealous

That's so awesome! Just goes to show that there are people all over the place that want to be with you but aren't necessarily into relationships. Best of luck to you!

She's a friend, not a FWB. If you haven't had sex, you're one misstep away from "He's a nice guy, but I'm not attracted to him." if you're not there already.

I am all for FWB relationships, although in practice I try to avoid calling them that, preferring "special friend" or "sexual friend" or something. A lot of aspies can't really feel what NTs would call "love", and interacting with a dedicated bf/gf or spouse is usually too much for us to ask.

I have a hard time finding FWB's online, usually the woman has unrealistic conditions or lives too far away or really wants a bf but doesn't make that clear until later, which is what happened with a girl I met a couple weeks ago in the Intimate section of Lavalife, but when I looked at her page on Plentyoffish she explicitly stated that she wanted an LTR and not an FWB. So I told her goodbye.

It seems that there's a subset of women who want a spouse/significant other to be physically present in the room during sex, which I couldn't handle. I've asked them to give a little, such as having a hidden camera hooked to a monitor in the next room so the SO can intervene immediately and knows that I'm not going outside of their comfort zone, and they always say no.

I read a PoF profile where the woman simply wanted a once a MONTH partner for when she experienced hormone surges due to menstruation, because her bf had performance problems. The implication was once he got fixed the FWB would get dumped. That's something I'd NEVER agree to.

Craigslist is the Wild West, lots of fake ads from the Russian Mafia to steal your credit card. Maybe 99 fakes for every real woman. A guy posts an ad and immediately his inbox fills up with Mob come-ons. If anybody knows any better sites than Lavalife, Plentyoffish, and CL, please let me know.

Im not sure I could do a FWB arrangement.

I have tried in the past to just enjoy a more casual setup but then I get weirdly attached to them, and then I am dissatisfied that they dont want something a little more affectionate.

I dont seem to be built for a purely physical relationship like that. I seem to be either completely into people, or completely switched off.

I couldn't agree more. At this stage. you should casually meet and get to know the person before declaring FWB status to see if you're personally as well as sexaully compatitble.

Assessing a person as play-worthy through text isn't the same than assessing them in person. If you're meeting someone on the net, it's strongly advised to meet with them beforehand, just so you're both clear on what to expect and so anyone doesn't end up with hurt feelings.

Why do women have so many rules? OMG its so overwhelming

I refer to them as my "cuddle buddies". But in these posts I'm referring to them as FWB since it seems to be the most commonly used term.



This is why you should clearly disclose what you're looking for as soon as you're provided with the opportunity. I used craiglist to find my current dating partner: I made it explicit that I wasn't looking for anything serious and that I wanted a guy with particular characteristics who lived relatively close to me. When you get a response, double check with the person to see if they want the same thing before engaing in further contact.

Keep searching, though. I found a guy who I went out with for a happy 6-7 months on lavalife so I wouldn't discount it entirely. POF is kind of sketchy: I've seen so many questionable profiles on there. As long as you define your expectations and make them clear to whoever you meet, I'm sure you'll find someone.

Last edited by anneurysm on 27 May 2009, 1:25 am, edited 1 time in total.

We're definitely picky, that's for sure!

Yyyyyyeeeeeehhh...Not so easy for guys though. We can have amazing qualities and be very specific about what we want, and still never get a reply or a message that initiates anything.
If you're a guy you almost always going to be ignored on dating sites, no matter what site it is. Whether is aspie affection, fling, EHarmony, craigs list, and so forth. Its so difficult for even a great looking guy to get women to respond.

I mean, why do guys jump to the internet when real life gets them down, while they know that people are flakier on the internet than in real life.

Also there are too many misinterpretations if someone doesnt respond to a message, you dont know whther they are ignoring, or if they are busy. If you're talking to a girl in her face, she respects you more and you can see her facial expressions and what she may think of you.

and if facial expressions are hard for someone to understand, hiding behind a computer is not going to make it any better. I've been on a dating site and I only got 1 message ever 2 weeks. I had a freind who was a girl and she got 700 friend requests and 60 messages every week.

GO FIGURE

I'm very interested in FWB-type arrangements, for several reasons. Firstly, I do not at all feel ready to spend a very large part of my time with another person, yet I want physical and mental intimacy with someone. While casual sex would be doable, I'd prefer someone I can have a good conversation with as well, someone I can really "get" and have some feelings for, even if it's not a passionate romance. In fact, the people I have intense passion for generally are those I'd never become good friends with, so while it would be an exhilarating "ride" I'd actually feel closer to a FWB in many ways. I totally agree with Pezar, I doubt I can actually feel "real" love that seems to have all these combined plus commitment.

Also, I seem to be unable to have a close friendship with a girl WITHOUT benefits of some sort. Whenever I feel that I really "click" with a girl I inevitably want some sort of physical intimacy, though not necessarily full sex--even if I only find them somewhat attractive.

I find it really disappointing when a girl seems unwilling to show her naked body to even her best guy friends. I can understand being fearful of full sex because of the pregnancy and disease risk, but there are so many other ways to be physically intimate while minimizing these concerns. If a girl wants to share her mind and feelings but makes her body off limits, the resulting tension is this huge elephant in the room that prevents the friendship from working either.

I recently had an experience with a girl who seems to really like me, and I both think she's a really interesting person and feel sexual attraction to her. It's not that I think she's extremely pretty or hot, but she has a smile that really gets me going and I just feel we could have such beautiful intimacy with each other. I find I have much lower physical attractiveness standards if I'm looking for a FWB and "click" mentally than in almost all other situations. Unfortunately, at least for now she doesn't want it too. It's so frustrating because she's the girl I know who most likes intellectual guys--plus she is straightforward enough that I could be open with her, and she was telling me lots of personal (even sexual) stuff about people she knows.

I have pretty much a FWB relationship with my "secondary" (don't like the term) boyfriend....really..I have that with both my partners..I just happen to live with one of them..

They are both my friends..with benefits....they can both talk to me about interests in other girls...No matter what happens, first and foremost we are friends.

I have this belief that real friendship is the most supreme status that human beings can share....so I can definitely say I can prefer it to an intimate relationship with someone who I am not friends with.