Moral dilemma involving a bipolar person

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aye, i conceed i am biased through my virginity & very inexperienced in relationships.
a dog frothing at the mouth tho? it conjured a quite cruel image in my head.
Anyways i step down from this debate.

Hey everyone, I got another update. I went on a second date with that girl. She was still highly affectionate with me, but generally acted pretty normal (for the lack of a better term). So perhaps her getting physical was a sensory-seeking behavior of some sort, although I'd have to assume that she was physically attracted to me in order to do that. Also, she told me about her friends and places she goes with them (movies, swimming, etc.). So if she has a group of friends with shared interests, it's clear that she's able to get along with people socially. After all, if her bipolar condition was unmanageable, it's unlikely that she'd have friends she sees regularly. I'm in the same boat: I have AS, but I learned to control it well enough to have friends who respect me.

As for her making serious plans, I found out that it wasn't an issue. We talked about what we expected during our second date (it felt kind of too soon for that, but whatever). She told me something like: "I just want to take it one date at a time, have fun, and enjoy spending time together. If this goes somewhere, great, but I don't think it's a good idea to plan relationships." That sounded quite rational and not obsessive at all. So my fears turned out to be a non-issue, and I guess her bipolar plays a no bigger role in her life than my AS plays in mine. I have no intentions to be a hero who rescues a lonely girl, and I don't think my situation is anything like it.

In conclusion, I'll give her a chance and keep seeing her, with a few very basic precautions. While I'm aware of her bipolar, for the most past, she seems like a girl who's worth my time. It's a breath of fresh air to be able to act naturally, and not worry about doing and saying all the right things. Her condition was probably more severe in the past (like my AS), so I guess she gives people a lot of leeway. As a person, she's a little quirky and off-the-wall, but so am I, only in different ways. This might be a good match. Or it might not. Only time will tell.

Good to hear things are working out. Take it slow, and be careful.

*cheers* Sounds like a good approach for both of you - keep us informed, and best wishes.


M.

This sounds like a great girl. I would love someone who is so open and uninhibited about her sexuality. Yes, it's a good idea for her to get tested, though as long as she can keep her head on straight enough to keep her health in order I would say don't give up this amazing opportunity. I've actually always hoped to find a woman with manic tendencies, as I feel she might better be able to understand my urge for deep, mind-blowing passion without the need to constantly worry about where the relationship is going.

I actually have a theory that AS and bipolar are similar in that they both involve the individualistic, passionate, creative part of the brain overriding the more normative, group-affiliated part. Though in AS I think it's the urge to conform that's weak, whereas in mania it's often that the urge for individualistic self-expression is strong. The difference is that in AS neither of them eclipses rationality. Though in more minor conditions along the bipolar "spectrum" (I have quite mild hypomanic tendencies myself), good sense need not be thrown out the window, and then for some is a capacity for creativity that may exceed all others known to mankind.

Something most people don't know about bipolar disorder is that those who have it are hyper sexual. They are also very open minded in bed. The ones I've dated, there have been a few, all had fidelity issues. Not saying they are all that way, but it is something to take into consideration.

Still sounds great. Open minded sexually, craves sensuality, doesn't need me to be her "one and only" partner? How could I not go with that?

I have been married to a bipolar woman for 36 years.

When we met and married I did not know that she had this condition.

She has been dragged off to hospital.... well many times. She has tried to off herself perhaps 20 times.

Why am I still here?

Because when she is "good" she is very very good. She is kind and loving and the most loyal person you could imagine.

So when she turns into "that other person" I know that if I wait a few weeks (and a few electro-shocks) I will get my friend back.

I got another and final update. She dumped me. Here's how it happened. The past Friday, I called her, and left a message, asking when she wants to get together on the weekend. She didn't call me back until Monday. This was highly unusual for her, since she's usually great at returning phone calls quickly. When she called back, she said she had a lot going on in her life, and it wouldn't be right for her to start a relationship that she can't fully dedicate herself to. It sounded fairly plausible, but I suspect she was using a socially acceptable excuse, so she won't look bad. She did say she wants to be friends, but I'm not sure I can be friends with someone who dumps me so randomly, especially after things went well for a few dates. This was even more strange because the last date we went on was really great.

I have no idea what caused such a sudden change of heart for her, and I won't bother to even question it. Presumably, it's something she can't control, because it comes with bipolar. But it's still something she did to me, and it's hurtful. (Also, the sudden intimacy on the first date was a warning flag in and of itself.) Anyway, maybe it's for the best; if she acts like this early on in the relationship, the bipolar might manifest itself in worse ways later on. I think it was best to make a clean, peaceful break before anyone became too attached, and I didn't even have to do the breaking up. Should she call later and ask me to take her back, I'll stand my ground and say that the main thing I look for in relationships is security, and apparently that's something she can't give me (through no fault of her own, but still).

Everyone, thanks for the pep talk and the helpful advice you've given me on this. You are a helpful community, and it's interesting how you were able to predict what might happen. I'd like to hear any comments you wish to add.

Thanks for the update. While you emerged relatively unscathed, it does go to show some of the risks involved with a person with that disorder. There are of course risks in any relationship, but this example nicely fit the rollercoaster up and down curve of bipolar behavior. Don't be surprised if she calls you again in the next month to try to rekindle things -- she'll be back on her manic phase by then, possibly.

My own misadventure with a bipolar person was like that. On again, off again, on again, off again, different from week to week and even day to day at times. Very tiring, frustrating, and not a great experience or a way to build trust in a relationship.

I'm 28 with Asperger's syndrome and I befriended a 19 -year-old girl.She told the first time I met her,that she has bipolar disorder.She told how she gets depressed at times,inability to concentrate on her schoolwork,seeing the world black/white,and lacks social skills.Were getting along great,I like her but and told me she's married.If she were to break-up with her husband,I want to go out with her.What concerns is her disorder,but she's very friendly with me and open-minded.She understand my reasons on why I don't know how to drive and that I collect action figures(Transformers and GI Joe).

I think what you'd have to watch out for with Bipolar people is if they have a tendency to turn on people in their depressive phase.