Blog post on the epidemic of forced celibacy in males

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Okay, I think your logic about the relationship between crime, economic opportunity and personal responsibility is flawed. If I look at the concept of responsibility, I'd definitely be inclined to believe that truly taking responsibility for oneself means solving one's problems in a way that doesn't involve criminally harming another person. (I'm pretty certain we can agree on that.)

So.....if we provide people with more opportunity to take (financial) responsibility for themselves, we make it easier for poor people to "do the right thing" and take responsibility for themselves. Making it easier for someone to make a better choice doesn't relieve that person of actually making the choice, however.

I think that example can be extended to George Sodini's situation. Ultimately, it was up to George Sodini to make the decision to "do the right thing" and get help. Could circumstances have coalesced to make that decision easier for Sodini? Probably. I honestly don't know if there was anyone in his life who could have made his decision easier....I don't know if he encountered numerous people over the course of his life who gave him valuable feedback that he chose to dismiss. If George Sodini had tons of people trying to influence him to get help, he would never have gotten help unless he chose to do so. If George Sodini had no one trying to influence him to get help, he could still have gotten help, had he chosen to do so.

I would advise anyone who is dealing with significant social and psychological problems like Sodini's to talk to his/her doctor. Write everything down, if you have to, but be open and completely honest about the symptoms you're experiencing and how you feel. Ask for a referrals to specialists, and seek treatment at the nearest teaching hospital. Self-educate: get on the web and start googling your symptoms, then read everything you can about possibly related conditions. And don't settle for half-answers or inconclusive results. Be your own advocate, and be prepared to fight hard for the help you need. Learn better methods to cope with stress and anger; meditate; do yoga; research homeopathy; change your diet. There are a million ways George Sodini could have improved his life - not made his life perfect - but significantly improved it. Instead, he chose to feed his anger.

Last edited by HopeGrows on 09 Oct 2010, 10:23 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Sorry, I meant specifically the tragedy of the shooting, and George Sodinis sad life.

I still have some anger to get over. And if you have walked in those shoes, then you should understand the desire to do these horrific things. And no, I don't want to do them.

This is my final word before abandoning this thread for good: women need to sleep with more "unattractive" men in America before they're reminded who the weaker sex is. But they won't.

In the words of The Who:

"It's a genuine problem you won't try/
To work it out at all, just pass it by, pass it by..."

Does it really make sense to you that 52% of the population should have to change their behavior in order to address a problem that a relatively small percentage of men have? Or does it make more sense that the relatively small percentage of men who have the problem should address the problem?

I have sympathy for your circumstances, @Nostromos....but if your strategy is to wait for the world to change, you'll be waiting the rest of your life. Know how I solved my problems? I changed. And I started to change the minute I realized that the way the world works wasn't going to change for me. That realization was a relief, and it was the start of a better, happier, more content part of my life. I hope the same thing happens for you.

Oh no n-n-n-n-n-no-no-no-no. Thou shalt not become Gerald Stano.

First, truth dictates that your "relatively small percentage of men" be ombliferated into "the majority".

And in siginificant tributary, I have put profligate amounts of effort into becoming a male who attracts women who are 5 out of 10 or higher. But to tulgey avail. Muscles? Nice face? Football team? Rock-ass guitar playing in public view? Kinda good income? Sexually-charged comics of remarkable quality and detail displayed at the Red Devil Lounge in SF? Appreciation of the humor of flatulence? (heh no I just kid.) Still doth reign midnight of the secluded soul without the sparkling refuge of darling girl-snuggles and penetration-promise... Just sparse and stubbornly-clothed pity-vixens with their rose thorns firmly held in check. And fat girls... Well fat girls, I used to be fat and I shed it without encouragement or guidance. But I'll gladly give you a gracious licking and sweet passionate pounding, "precious standards" being thrown to the fires of knowledge. You deserve a forceful yet loving bucking. That's where women and I differ.

My compassion ultimately aspires to sticking intravenous forks of confidence and spiritual strength into the men who do put the effort into acquiring darling-girl in their arms, but fail over and over again.

Me expect the world to change?? ZWIGGLE-BWHEE-HA-DE-HA!! Not on its own!! Meta (or "self") -awareness is the TRUE BEGINNING. Its rigorous self-examination and following through is the only way up that strenuous mountain where glorious peace and knowledge washes the soul at its peak. And I did indeed find some of it up there, before Lust imprisoned my prefrontal lobe.

Significant were my triumphs, yet Lilith remained obdurate. "Let these strange young men gather straw for their own for brickmaking, levying on them the same quota of bricks. They're just lazy," bleated Lilith.

Of course the world won't change for me. I know I must darkle and tinct the finagled, fluctuating social kaleidoscope with a lion tamer's fervour. I just tried to do it today. I was the videographer for some corporate hiking event: a positive reaction from everyone except the fit lady in her forties whose bare legs under her black short-shorts sent my nads a-quiver:


NOSTROMOS: (after brief and pleasant small talk about hiking) You look like you're in pretty good shape. You could make it up that steep incline!

MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN WITH ERECTION-INSPIRING BARE LEGS: (brief but awkward silence)... See, this is why I hate heights.

NOSTROMOS: (detecting a rebuke) Heights are scary...

--Silence and a nervous vibe here. I walked on.


And then, silence. Oh I have the video. stand by. I also have a deformed twin sibling's face on the back of my head who whispers awful things to me at night. No I don't.

Probably.

Yes, but to you; not to him.

You have pity for his torment, but do you extend pity to someone who's morals fail them?

I had to quote you Nostromos so nostromo could quote Nostromos
Anyway as NT as I am the intention of that womens response to you is quite indecipherable to me. She may have been a blurter (you know they just blurt stuff) esp if scared.

Must wait for the videos

If thats true I am very sorry. It must have been awful for you to go through.

women do sleep with 'unattractive' men, and men sleep with 'unattractive' women. so i am not sure where you are going with this.

on average, women lose their virginity at a later age than men, and sleep with fewer partners overall. so men can stop complaining that they have it worse than women... it simply is not true in this area. each gender has our own difficulties, but if you want to simply use sex as an indicator of who has more problems with the opposite sex, you are completely misguided.

and about the hiker? women do not usually appreciate when men comment on their physiques on first contact. there are exceptions, but generally it comes across as creepy.

He was also pissed that women weren't interested in his $7,000 car or his big screen TV.



Of course not. But elavating him to "hero status" isn't doing anything of "practical value" either.

Mass murderers typically get little sympathy from others. The fact remains that there are millions of hurt, angry people roaming the globe. Millions of people don't deal with their problems in violent explosions. It's an either/or fallacy to suggest that violence was Sodini's ONLY option, and, lacking evidence, it's tough to determine if he was suffering from a mental illness that rendered him incapable of discerning right from wrong. And even if he was mentally ill, it doesn't necessarily mean that he wasn't self-aware of his actions, or he didn't understand that his actions were wrong. "Crazy" people can be convicted of crimes and sentenced; the determining factor is whether or not they knew what they were doing was wrong at the time they were doing it, not whether they were mentally ill as mentally ill doesn't automatically translate to "morally incompetent."

People also seem to be under the misapprehension that what Georgie did was "unique." It wasn't. There have been many cases of people taking their rage out in a public fashion after feeling like they've been "wronged" by society. The motivations may differ, but the underlying pathology is often the same: malignant narcissism. Early intervention and detection of anti-social personality traits has long been a goal of society, but, so far, we have yet to perfect the method of rooting out undesirables.

Absent empirical, scientific, peer-reviewed evidence, your claims ring hollow.

If women were not sleeping with "the majority" of males, the world's population would be in sharp decline. It's not.



Women aren't obligated to have sex with anyone. Not getting sex is not a justification for rape or murder.

You do not have "rights" over another person's body in the U.S. Men who commit violent crime against women due to lack of sex are wrong and deserve punishment; whether or not I "emphathise" with them is irrelevant to the fact men who commit violence against women (or any human being) due to lack of sex are wrong and deserve to be punished.

Any male who absolutely feels he MUST commit violent acts as retribution for being sex-deprived should really just either turn himself into the nearest psych ward, or put a gun to his own head, pull the trigger, and take one for the team. Violence against others is not a "natural consequence" of ugly men not getting sex, nor is it the responsibility of women to prevent it by offering sex to any man who wants it. Sexless men are responsible for their own behavior, not women.

Your not having money is not a reason for me to give you all of mine. It is also not a reason for you to kill me when I don't. Whether or not I "empathise" with you not having money is irrelevant to the fact you don't have a right to kill me because you can't have mine. Period.

Yes, whats your point? That he was pathetic?



No-ones doing that?! The guy was a mass murderer. We're saying we understand him.

And I guess I'm saying we all have a set of morals, but when the thumbscrews are applied we can all break those, it's just how tight they have to go, I believe that with a certainty.

Yep so these people need to be identified and helped, I don't know how that can be achieved, except on a personal scale.

First of all, I don't know who Gerald Stano is, and I am not interested in finding out.

As far as your encounter with this woman, there are too many possible explanations to explore. If you were employed to film the activities, perhaps she was just taken aback that you spoke to her (perhaps she expected that you were there to observe, and not engage those you were filming in conversation?). Considering you're probably ten years younger than she is, and muscled as you described, perhaps she doubted you were actually expressing romantic interest in her. Perhaps she was just focusing on the activity at hand. Perhaps she wasn't inclined to have a video of her flirting with a videographer at a work function floating around? You just can't know anything for sure.

But what always comes through in your posts is your desperation to connect with a woman, and the bitter, angry feelings you experience when you don't make that connection. You talk about wanting a woman to see your humanity, your worth, and have sex with you....but then you talk about them as if they were objects (how fabulous of you to sacrifice your "precious standards" in order to have sex with a fat girl.....umm, WTF?). You express thinly veiled threats about women needing to sleep with more "unattractive" men "before they're reminded who the weaker sex is." Your rage just permeates your perspective. That's obvious to me - it's got to be obvious to the women you meet IRL.

I'm not implying that your anger isn't justified, but it seems to be ruining your life. So consider this your intervention: you have to find a healthy way to deal with your anger. You have to resolve the issues you're still carrying around from your past. And you have to figure out how to relate to women successfully. Get a therapist, for God's sake - one who specializes in treating Aspies. Outline your goals, and get ready to do some hard work.

Until you deal with your past trauma and all of the anger that's connected to it, I truly believe you will not have a healthy relationship with a woman. If you were lucky enough to meet someone willing to give you a chance, no relationship would be able to survive your anger. The first time you had a misunderstanding, or she expressed a need you didn't know how to meet, or was unhappy, or not in the mood for sex, or whatever, you'd lose your shiz and vent all of your rage at her. Or you'd take your ball and go home.

You have to realize that your anger is yours to deal with. You're the only person on this earth who can process it, and let it go. There is no woman perfect enough, or nice enough, or understanding enough, or loving enough to do that for you. It's just not possible. (Again, if loving someone were enough to cure them, there would be very few sick people on this planet.) I tell women this all the time. They lament that they're dying to help their man work through his issues because it's ruining their relationship, and he refuses to get help. And there's no solution to that problem. If he won't get help, the problems won't be addressed, and the relationship will not change. A woman facing that dilemma really has only one option: walk away. The break may be temporary or permanent, but unless and until the man accepts responsibility for resolving his issues, she can beg and cry and scream and be depressed and abused and unhappy as she wants to be - it won't make a bit of difference.

So don't be that guy. Be the guy who deals with what's screwed up his life, get your shiz together, figure out how to relate romantically to women, and start living your life. Look, if you said, "I've done everything I know how to do, and I still can't connect with a woman," - I would believe you. (I'm kind of thinking your "resume" above is another way to say just that.) That's why I think it's time to consult someone else. Or you can refuse to get help, and choose to stay bitter, isolated and angry - for the rest of your life. It's all up to you.

Bump

If I didn't start thinking thoughts like those in your last paragraph, then I wouldn't have survived the last few years. I have seen many therapists and have had some successful relationships with women. Obviously there is a lot of rage that still needs to be dealt with, and a lot of pain to unpack. Maybe there is something horrible I don't remember, because sex (with attractive women, some of it good) hasn't made me less angry.




Yes, how fabulous.




Say there was a rattlesnake that bit you five times on your face. Is this justification for killing it?