Would you dump someone who got fat?

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he doesn't phrase it as his opinion. he phrases it as though fat women are beneath him in some way.

it would have been rare to find a girl that tall at that age. most are not done growing yet.

But what words, exactly, did I use that bothered you? All I said was that there are some people I'm attracted to, and some that I'm not. And that attraction was necessary for a healthy relationship. I can't think of anything I said that can be taken as insulting, unless you take the admission that I don't find every human equally attractive as an insult.

And talking about healthy eating and exercise would give the wrong idea about my personality. I don't actually care all that much about my diet, I eat what I want when I want it. I just happen to not have the urge to overeat most of the time. And I'm not especially physically active, while I do go on 1-2 hour walks every day, I do that for pleasure. It's just a happy side effect that they happen to burn off the excess calories from my occasional indulgences.

I'm not looking for a fitness buff in perfect shape. I just saying there are women smaller than what I find attractive, and bigger than what I find attractive. Putting it in terms of diet and fitness regimens would be a misrepresentation of my expectations.

In that exchange they were talking about the potential to misinterpret his definition of fat. If someone gets offended because they assumed he meant something he didn't, that's not his fault.

If someone gets offended by what he actually said, that's a different matter.

nobody misinterpreted it, he said he would be "lowering" his standards.

What talk is that? The part where I said I'd rather be with a girl that's bigger than I find attractive over a girl that's physically beautiful if the bigger girl was nicer? The part where hyperlexian called herself fat and people chimed in to say "no, you aren't"? The part where people on both sides of the argument said that society's idea of what "fat" means is ridiculous?

I think a lot of people are talking past each other on this thread, and it would be useful to get some idea what sort of thing people are actually talking about. So here are 3 pictures of girls that I would find quite attractive despite their not quite fitting society's expectations regarding thinness:





I would not use the word "fat" for them. Is this what people are talking about?

Not in that exchange. She said specifically that the readers didn't know what he meant by fat. She said he had to be careful because readers might misinterpret him on that.

I even said, in the post of mine that you quoted, that the way he worded some things was needlessly cruel. I think it's fine to call people out on things they actually say. But if people read into his statements things he didn't actually say, that's not his fault.

It's one thing to point out that the way he talks about those he considers overweight is not okay. It's another to assume that he considers women of relatively average weight to be fat, when he never actually said anything of the sort.

You wouldnt but the media does.

The last one there for example is known for having released two brilliant albums at a young age, however I see plenty of news about her needing to lose weight/her nose operation... that have little/nothing to do with her music career.

Last edited by spongy on 13 May 2012, 4:03 am, edited 1 time in total.

That ... probably will never change. Public figures are subject to mockery, over whatever qualities they happen to possess. Frequently even qualities typically seen as positive.

Wow. I feel so patronised. I hate myself because I don't find morbid obesity attractive and choose to surrond myself with people I don't like? What a load of balls. I'm actually quite proud of myself. Come into the real world. I can't choose who's in the real world and I have no control over what people in the real world think, what people in the real world do or indeed say. I have no control over people who might otherwise be very nice in a one on one situation, who then become utter f*ckhats when they're with their friends and they have a few drinks. Your studies can't help you here. Logic doesn't always win and phobias exist. I have my friends, they are my friends for a reason - they're not utter f*ckhats and it has taken me decades to weed out the schemers, the liars, the two faced, the thieves and the users, and find these excellent people.
Also, if something is detrimental to a relationship including weight issues or issues arising as a result of huge weightgain like a total loss of self-esteem, a serious drop in personal hygiene standards, depression, total lack of fitness resulting in lethargy (I could go on) then a partner is perfectly entitled to say something. Expecting your partner to just accept you, is actually taking them for granted. Unconditional love is not true love, it's ridiculous to think that it is. Everyone has their conditions for staying in a relationship.
If you truly care for someone you will try and stop them from hitting bottom. It's your duty as a caring and loving partner to intervene. And if the person in question refuses your help and takes offence to what is being said to them, then they are quite immature and that is their issue. They are in serious denial. Sometimes it's necessary to to be cruel to be kind. If a partner became addicted to alcohol and drugs, and caused a fracture in the relationship, should we just leave them to it?
Also @Lex, I'm certain there are people who are fat and upwards who are perfectly happy and I'm also certain there are prospective partners for them should they wish to find one, but it's my opinion these people are in the minority.

Last edited by ZX_SpectrumDisorder on 13 May 2012, 6:03 am, edited 2 times in total.

If you mean me unless I made a typo I'm 180. That seems like a lot to me and definitely is a lot compared to my nearly always being 120 or less in my early 20s and teens. I don't want to but eventually I could easily get up to 210 pounds. That is only 30 pounds more.

I don't really see my weight as something I have much control over. I'm not going to starve myself or eat things I hate just to be thin and I dislike most physical activity. When I was younger and thinner I didn't do anything special to stay that way. That was just how I naturally was.

ahh, no I didn't mean you.. I just was using those numbers cause they are my "Ranges"




So scale the size down, the looks would be the same. My point was to illustrate that the "Look" that I like has never changed.

Depends on the reason, I guess. A lot of my relatives are a bit overweight and yet seem fine in their relationships. It's only been recent that my mother and I have tried to lose any of it, and it's been hard not to be a bit discouraged whenever I seem to be stuck. As a kid I used to make fun of this girl in my class for being overweight so I guess this is some kinda karma.

So I feel I can relate to those who're dismissed just because of how they look, and how cruel that can be. I've been called a pig by some of the more "honest" people I've asked out, one in particular having bullied me for years in such a way I suffered mentally. Say what you want about how incredibly important physical attraction is, but those who hold it up so high are pretty ugly on a much deeper level.

Well, I can't do much more with that aside from reiterate what I said earlier. Respectfully though I can't agree with that. My guess is that you're still painting a lot of your own life experiences that they never had onto them and consequently holding them up to a life they never lived. Its not to say that the 'global' tautologies of what they should be doing but aren't aren't available to them - there's just no roadmap available to them in their lives for getting there; mostly in the sense that they have no ammunition for the job within their subjective sense of self - they need to find that ammunition to get out and the more complex their problems and surroundings are the longer that takes.

Add varying IQ's to that I remember that I even had a hell of a time getting out of it and it took every fiber of my being to change - even at that I'm not completely all the way out after over a decade. Trying to imagine someone of much more average intelligence having full ownership of these things just seems incredibly unfair to me from that perspective.

techstepgenr8tion, you profess to disagree but your post actually agrees. i didn't say it was easy to change a mindset, but it is possible.

I'm right here.