What is the main reason why guys have to do the approaching?

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Meems, that you for being so articulate and explaining it so well.

I wish that people would stop generalising women! It irritates me tremendously. As an aspie woman, I have terrible trouble reading body language. Nothing ever comes easy to me, whether it's my own behaviour which I have to "study" and "prepare" or to read others which I still can't. I get told I ask too many questions. I feel I am constantly being told off because I am not like "other" women.

And yet you're blaming the opposite gender for being creepy. That and you're lumping us all together and assuming all we want is sex and that we feel entitled. I'm not going to call you progressive. I think you're just a sexist ****head spouting hypocrisy. Would it be at all fair for men to just assume that women are tramps or sluts or b*****s solely based off of such trivial things as to their body language or how they dress or act? Or does it not matter whether it's fair? Thing is it's not right to assume anything about anyone regardless. It takes more than a first impression to make an educated opinion about someone, and doing otherwise makes you shallow.

Boxman, you are being unfair. Read Meems post again. She said "several of you", not *all of you* and she did say "men who behave..."

So, you could say, with your aggressive reply, was it a case of "if the hat fits"?

Fact is she was saying pretty much that anyone who's ever been called creepy is 100% without a doubt an entitled obsessive lunatic with a one track mind. I really don't see how that is fair at all, or that it is appropriate to make such a ridiculous generalization. I could say that any women who has ever been called a b***h deserves it and that blaming the other gender would get them nowhere, but that statement would not be any more true than hers.

Shouldn't women approach guys on dating sites.

Online girls now:

http://i.imgur.com/U8IHv.png



Online guys now:

http://i.imgur.com/I7AcJ.png

The difference is always ridiculous - it would be more logical that women should approach first (and more practical and less time consuming for both genders), not the other way around.

You've clearly misquoted me. I said relationship, then a progression of a relationship - not once did I use the word sex.

So whose being sexist here?
I doubt I'll get an apology, either.

The first time I met my now current (almost ex) bf, we agreed to meet in a public place, during day time. 2 pm at a busy London station it was. When he saw me, he grabbed me and kissed me passionately several times, before even acknowledging if I was OK with that. I honestly was taken aback and thought that was the creepiest thing *ever*. But it doesn't take away from the fact, that I gave him a chance. I looked for the reasons behind his reaction, and later on found that he has AS. It doesn't exclude that I still think he was creepy.

I was told at a dating coach seminar that up until about the 1950s there were all sorts of signals that a woman would use to show a man she was interested. Yes he would have to approach her and do the chatting up, but she would have already shown him she would like him to do so, so the fear of rejection wasn't there. She would lower her fan and show all of her face to him, or drop something like a hankerchief or glove as she walked past so he would have to pick it up and give it back to her. Or if they had already been talking, she'd leave something behind as she left so he would have to arrange to see her again to return it. It was a gesture that could appear accidental but everyone was taught what it really meant.

Then there are cultures where parents, elders and religious leaders will introduce two people that they think will get on well. We used to have something similar here as well. I definitely do not agree with forced marriage, but being introduced to someone by the people who know you best and being allowed to choose whether you marry them or not probably has a higher chance of success than random meetings in bars does.

And in my parents' dating days, they'd go to dances and it was usually the men who asked the women to dance, but there would be several dances throughout the night where the MC would announce it was "Ladies' Choice". So a woman could ask a shy nervous guy who'd never have the courage to ask her.

But now all those rules are gone and nothing has replaced them. We're all at sea here. Coming on too strong is creepy from a man and slu*ty from a woman, supposedly. But too subtle and it's mis-read as friendliness only. What do we do here?

I can imagine men who look creepy while not really being creepy, because of their strange body language. or lack thereof, common to us aspies.

But that "creepy" reflex is there for something, there are genuinely creepy people out there, and if that reflex is ignored or put down, there can be terrible, terrible consequences.

That goes on "first impressions" territory though, and the "sexual assault, divorce and gender divide" thread is already dealing with it.

EDIT: "They may be being used for sex but at least they have sex"
... really?

Last edited by Shatbat on 18 Nov 2012, 9:49 am, edited 1 time in total.

I agree with j-Green here (yet I didn't went through the 22 pages to see if he said he's entitled to have sex with women.

When you make such rage-posts you should quote the users you're attacking and be clear who you're criticizing.

You can't say "several of you", you should NAME these several of them.

"ie. Several of you, and I mean by that: J-Green, Venger ....etc"

NAME THEM.

Wait until they actually have sex - they'll find that it's nothing like they thought it would be and will be severely disappointed. Fantasizing about having sex with a woman is one thing, but really having sex with said woman can be offputting more often than not.

wantohavealife, where do you live? Are you Amish?

Really? because I keep hearing how great sex is, from both genders.

lol@ sex being off-putting. I doubt there is anything more beautiful between two consenting people who care for each other.

It's great, but there are better things in life (good concerts, driving sportscars etc.). If you expect it t be some kind of magical sensation that's better than everything else put together, you're in for a dissapointment, though.

Perhaps, but aspie girls tend to be extra gullible and a lot of guys jump at the chance for an easy roll in the hay and don't think twice. I wonder if anyone's done any studies on the occurrence of STD's in Aspie girls compared to NT girls. In the end we've often been used, abused and discarded like yesterday's trash. So, I guess we're lucky because we get f#$ked a lot. Right.

I often get passed over because men seem to assume I'm a lesbian, and I'm so not, but whatever. I've all but given up on having someone close because I only seem to be able to attract total jerks - guys with the worst kinds of weakness.

And it's ok. If it's not for me, there's still plenty of other stuff out there. I just have to choose to focus elsewhere.