Board index › Coping in life › Love and Dating

If you're 27 and never had a girlfriend, is it too late?

Page 21 of 52 [ 824 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24 ... 52  Next

Previous topic | Next topic

kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

02 Jul 2015, 7:05 pm

How will you get a girlfriend if you don't make any moves?

I think you'd do okay. You're not a creepy guy. Just make sure you have a dialogue with a girl, instead of a monologue with yourself.



sly279
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Dec 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 16,181
Location: US

02 Jul 2015, 7:28 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
How will you get a girlfriend if you don't make any moves?

I think you'd do okay. You're not a creepy guy. Just make sure you have a dialogue with a girl, instead of a monologue with yourself.



really dont' want to come off as clingy. far better I deal with depression and fear then that. women wnat to be distant and indpendent, they don't want attatched and dependent men. use to be everyone was depenedent, what the point of relationships otherwise.



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

02 Jul 2015, 7:30 pm

Sending a text is not clingy--especially on a dating site.

Calling/texting a girl all the time is clingy.



sly279
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Dec 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 16,181
Location: US

02 Jul 2015, 7:39 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Sending a text is not clingy--especially on a dating site.

Calling/texting a girl all the time is clingy.


but whats all the time. can be 2 texts for one person or could be 1000000000 text for another. I like texing on and off all day. but I predominately text as communication I almost never speak verbally. one lady would go weeks without texting me ie, 0 communication,not knowing if she died. just one day talking next nothing for weeks. I was told wanting to text her more would be clingy.



Loveurself
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 29 Jun 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 67
Location: North Dakota

02 Jul 2015, 9:35 pm

nurseangela wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
ProfessorJohn wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
^^ I second that.

Ya, I want to be able to remove that bitterness and resentment, jealousy, its just I consider those years I missed out on to be the innocent puppy love years


I have had to work on these issues recently in therapy myself. One of the most obvious things, but something that is hard to admit, is that you can't change the past. The best we can do is to try and improve the present and the future. At least I now know what the problem was, and that not having a girlfriend until the late 20s is pretty typical for Aspies. All we generally see is NTs and how their lives are, and it is hard to not compare ourselves to them.

However, there is hope! I finally did get a girlfriend when I was 29. Would I have liked to have one earlier-I think so, although being single did allow me to do other things in live, like finish graduate school, without having to try and balance that with relationships. Probably a good thing since I have never really liked studying and put forth a lot of effort in that area.

The point is, it is never too late to start dating and relationships. I have had a couple of NT friends who didn't get married until they were in their 40s.


i hate it when people use the argument for people who did not get married until much later in life, because getting married is different from getting a boyfriend/girlfriend, or in this case, your first ever boyfriend/girlfriend, because getting your first ever boyfriend/girlfriend, relationship, is a milestone in any persons life, just like getting married is, but getting married is a different milestone, but i guess the reason why i say it like this is because i do NOT, i repeat, do NOT want my first gf to become my wife, i do not want to get married or settle down with my first.


What if your first gf is the perfect one for you? You're just going to toss her away after you're done with her? Whatever happens, I sure do feel sorry for whoever the poor soul is that winds up being your first since you already have your mind made up of how things are going to go.





I totally agree. I hope you tell her before getting her hopes up and then tossing her out like yesterday's trash. All because you want a taste of all the flavors in the rainbow. What if you throw away your one? This is what makes dating hard. A lot people aren't happy with what they have; always looking for more. I think porn is one of the reasons for this behavior in some men. Porn showcases a buffet of MISUSED women. It sends a message to men, that they don't have to "settle" for just one.

Be kind and let her know in the beginning.



Peacesells
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Sep 2014
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,915
Location: Anzio, Italy

02 Jul 2015, 10:00 pm

Loveurself wrote:
I totally agree. I hope you tell her before getting her hopes up and then tossing her out like yesterday's trash. All because you want a taste of all the flavors in the rainbow. What if you throw away your one? This is what makes dating hard. A lot people aren't happy with what they have; always looking for more. I think porn is one of the reasons for this behavior in some men. Porn showcases a buffet of MISUSED women. It sends a message to men, that they don't have to "settle" for just one.

Be kind and let her know in the beginning.

People used to do such things long before pr0n was invented, don't blame it!



Crazypandalady
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 27 Nov 2014
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 32

02 Jul 2015, 10:06 pm

No it's definitely not too late.
My fiancé was 31 when we met and he will be 36 when we get married in a few months. He had never kissed a girl before me (although he had had sex a few times with high end prostitutes) I had some limited experience with relationships (and sex). My best friend lost his virginity at 27 and was married in his forties. My father lost his virginity at 29 (I wish I had not been told this).



whatamess
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Aug 2007
Age: 56
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,284

03 Jul 2015, 12:10 am

I don't think so at all. At that age I was hoping to find a guy who hadn't had 20 girlfriends or an ex I had to deal with. Sadly, I couldn't in my circle. Ended up with one with all of the above. :-(



rdos
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jul 2005
Age: 63
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,089
Location: Sweden

03 Jul 2015, 4:04 am

sly279 wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
Sending a text is not clingy--especially on a dating site.

Calling/texting a girl all the time is clingy.


but whats all the time. can be 2 texts for one person or could be 1000000000 text for another. I like texing on and off all day. but I predominately text as communication I almost never speak verbally. one lady would go weeks without texting me ie, 0 communication,not knowing if she died. just one day talking next nothing for weeks. I was told wanting to text her more would be clingy.


8O

Who gave you that bad advice?

There is a simple rule here: If you text a lot and she doesn't reply in-between, then you probably text too much or she is not interested. So just send a text and wait for a reply, and you will never come out as clingy, no matter how many texts you send. Same goes for mail and other online communication. If there is a longer gap, you could send another text just to give her a hint you think she takes to long to reply (but don't write that in the text). The frequency is really up to the two of you to decide.



sly279
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Dec 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 16,181
Location: US

03 Jul 2015, 1:31 pm

rdos wrote:
sly279 wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
Sending a text is not clingy--especially on a dating site.

Calling/texting a girl all the time is clingy.


but whats all the time. can be 2 texts for one person or could be 1000000000 text for another. I like texing on and off all day. but I predominately text as communication I almost never speak verbally. one lady would go weeks without texting me ie, 0 communication,not knowing if she died. just one day talking next nothing for weeks. I was told wanting to text her more would be clingy.


8O

Who gave you that bad advice?

There is a simple rule here: If you text a lot and she doesn't reply in-between, then you probably text too much or she is not interested. So just send a text and wait for a reply, and you will never come out as clingy, no matter how many texts you send. Same goes for mail and other online communication. If there is a longer gap, you could send another text just to give her a hint you think she takes to long to reply (but don't write that in the text). The frequency is really up to the two of you to decide.


women friends.

whats a lot though? like I said as I only ever talk via text, there is no alot to me. otherwise I'd never talk and how would one then converse with me.

problem is that I like to hear from a girl I'm into every day so few days go by ok but after 2-3 I start to miss her, 4-5 I'm becoming depressed from missing her. 5+ I'm super worried or figure she hates me.
unless its been told before that she'll be out of reach for a set time, then I'l just miss her.

you mean its up to the woman. men have no power in a text and wait for her to reply, shes setting the pace.



rdos
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jul 2005
Age: 63
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,089
Location: Sweden

03 Jul 2015, 1:42 pm

sly279 wrote:
problem is that I like to hear from a girl I'm into every day so few days go by ok but after 2-3 I start to miss her, 4-5 I'm becoming depressed from missing her. 5+ I'm super worried or figure she hates me.
unless its been told before that she'll be out of reach for a set time, then I'l just miss her.


Kind of similar for me, but I can survive much longer (weeks, months even) if I think she still likes me.

sly279 wrote:
you mean its up to the woman. men have no power in a text and wait for her to reply, shes setting the pace.


Not really. Both parties can take a long time to answer, so more like the slowest part will set the speed, unless you agree on some kind of reasonable frequency.



sly279
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Dec 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 16,181
Location: US

03 Jul 2015, 3:22 pm

rdos wrote:
sly279 wrote:
problem is that I like to hear from a girl I'm into every day so few days go by ok but after 2-3 I start to miss her, 4-5 I'm becoming depressed from missing her. 5+ I'm super worried or figure she hates me.
unless its been told before that she'll be out of reach for a set time, then I'l just miss her.


Kind of similar for me, but I can survive much longer (weeks, months even) if I think she still likes me.

sly279 wrote:
you mean its up to the woman. men have no power in a text and wait for her to reply, shes setting the pace.


Not really. Both parties can take a long time to answer, so more like the slowest part will set the speed, unless you agree on some kind of reasonable frequency.

months without ever hearing form the, not know if they alive even ?

no thanks I'm clingy I guess I get attached to people I like to talk to them and if I don't I miss them. I'm super loyal.

but if you take to long to message a girl back she'll take it as you're not interested anymore and move on to another guy :S



rdos
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jul 2005
Age: 63
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,089
Location: Sweden

03 Jul 2015, 3:34 pm

sly279 wrote:
but if you take to long to message a girl back she'll take it as you're not interested anymore and move on to another guy :S


Same with guys. If a girl take to long to message back typical guys will take that as she is no longer interested.



Spiderpig
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Apr 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,893

03 Jul 2015, 4:26 pm

Bataar wrote:
So, barring some weird situation where a woman I find somewhat attractive who happens to have weird interests like I do is driving by my house, has a flat tire and has to come and knock on my door for help, I just don't see it happening for me.


I can't even imagine how that could possibly lead to anything other than helping her as quickly and to the point as possible, and KTHXBY, never to see her again, without having done anything creepy like exchanging phone numbers or establishing any other means of communication. I mean, is there anything else you can realistically do, and which isn't some form of harassment or worse?


_________________
The red lake has been forgotten. A dust devil stuns you long enough to shroud forever those last shards of wisdom. The breeze rocking this forlorn wasteland whispers in your ears, “Não resta mais que uma sombra”.


sly279
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Dec 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 16,181
Location: US

03 Jul 2015, 4:39 pm

rdos wrote:
sly279 wrote:
but if you take to long to message a girl back she'll take it as you're not interested anymore and move on to another guy :S


Same with guys. If a girl take to long to message back typical guys will take that as she is no longer interested.


idk guys seem to just pursue them more. whole playing hard to get thing.



RetroGamer87
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Jul 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,060
Location: Adelaide, Australia

03 Jul 2015, 5:33 pm

sly279 wrote:
idk guys seem to just pursue them more. whole playing hard to get thing.
Why do you think that is?


_________________
The days are long, but the years are short